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Old 20th March 2015, 02:10 PM   #31
ralfgarnett
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
Really sorry Lindentree. Any practical advice or support you need, just ask. We will be with you in this. I am not religious, however I do fully agree with NDY that the darkest hour comes before the dawn.
Be kind to yourself
x
If only it was just an hour but it seems to last forever I have never known pain and anguish like it which is why I feel so deeply for LDT , NDY and anyone else going through this its horrible really really horrible in fact I cant actually think of strong enough expletives to describe it.
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Old 20th March 2015, 02:51 PM   #32
notDoneYet
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
If only it was just an hour but it seems to last forever I have never known pain and anguish like it which is why I feel so deeply for LDT , NDY and anyone else going through this its horrible really really horrible in fact I cant actually think of strong enough expletives to describe it.
I agree with this. There isn't any point in me telling you that it does get better because that's not what you want to hear right now. On BD day I sought solace in friends and family. It does help to be with people. It's also ok to cry, scream and rage at the world. Just let it out because it better out than in. Keep posting here, we will all chip in.
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Old 20th March 2015, 03:29 PM   #33
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi LDT just checking in to see how you are, it is just past 10am here in the UK I will be back on here around 2pm for as long as you might need to swap messages.
I'm okay, Ralf. I feel a little foolish for being so emotional yesterday but I was in shock. The wine didn't help. Nothing against wine, I like it, but I don't drink that much and I'm not used to it. Yesterday, however, it seemed appropriate.

No emails to the STBX today. I will try to keep my dignity today.

I actually think the email I sent him last weekend, along with an article about a couple breaking up and getting back together, pushed him to make a choice. Unfortunately, it was a choice I didn't want. But I'm almost glad I did it. I was tired of being in limbo, tired of hoping, and tired of being strung along.

No more wondering, no more hoping. It's really hard. I'm starting to feel a bit numb. But maybe that's a good thing, at least for now.
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Old 20th March 2015, 03:33 PM   #34
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Hi LDT. I am so sorry. There is never a good way to break up a marriage. No 'correct' way to do it. All of us here going through the same thing will say the same. They say the darkest hour comes just before dawn. Let's hope your dawn is breaking. Have faith in yourself.
Thanks, NDY. I'm not there yet but hopefully the dawn will come soon. Boy, did I send a lot of angry emails yesterday! I'm kind of amazed at all the emotions I went through. When someone you really love strings you along and then lowers the boom on you--wow. Tears, disbelief and angry emails. Hopefully today will be a quieter day. Now I'm just waiting for the phone call from the lawyer. It'll probably come next week.
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Old 20th March 2015, 03:37 PM   #35
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
Really sorry Lindentree. Any practical advice or support you need, just ask. We will be with you in this. I am not religious, however I do fully agree with NDY that the darkest hour comes before the dawn.
Be kind to yourself
x
Thanks sambrooklands. I really appreciate your kindness. Like I said earlier, I'm starting to get numb. No tears yet today. I'm trying to take care of myself. That's all I can do at this point. I wonder just how long this pain will go on. I have a feeling it will take quite a bit of time. I have loved him for 15 years. I always had hope we would work out. I keep remembering the man who seemed to love me a great deal but he changed. I saw him change. I need to accept that.
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Old 20th March 2015, 03:39 PM   #36
ralfgarnett
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
I'm okay, Ralf. I feel a little foolish for being so emotional yesterday but I was in shock. The wine didn't help. Nothing against wine, I like it, but I don't drink that much and I'm not used to it. Yesterday, however, it seemed appropriate.

No emails to the STBX today. I will try to keep my dignity today.

I actually think the email I sent him last weekend, along with an article about a couple breaking up and getting back together, pushed him to make a choice. Unfortunately, it was a choice I didn't want. But I'm almost glad I did it. I was tired of being in limbo, tired of hoping, and tired of being strung along.

No more wondering, no more hoping. It's really hard. I'm starting to feel a bit numb. But maybe that's a good thing, at least for now.
Don't be so hard on yourself your not foolish your just being normal, you have just had a horrible shock and are going through probably the worst time of your life, NDY is correct cry screram swear shout punch things do whatever you need to get through, as in any grief situations there are no rules no rights or wrongs you do what you need to get through and that's just fine and perfectly normal
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Old 20th March 2015, 03:40 PM   #37
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
If only it was just an hour but it seems to last forever I have never known pain and anguish like it which is why I feel so deeply for LDT , NDY and anyone else going through this its horrible really really horrible in fact I cant actually think of strong enough expletives to describe it.
Sometimes the pain is so deep there are no words to describe it. It was a bit better when I had a modicum of hope, but now that it's gone...

I feel for all of us going through this, and I truly hope the people working on saving what they have succeed. This is a difficult road to be on.
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Old 20th March 2015, 03:44 PM   #38
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Don't be so hard on yourself your not foolish your just being normal, you have just had a horrible shock and are going through probably the worst time of your life, NDY is correct cry screram swear shout punch things do whatever you need to get through, as in any grief situations there are no rules no rights or wrongs you do what you need to get through and that's just fine and perfectly normal
Thanks so much for your support. To everyone who has supported me. I am so grateful. I really am. I'm going to remember this kindness. It helps one remember there is still good in the world.
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Old 20th March 2015, 04:52 PM   #39
ralfgarnett
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Your not alone don't forget that, stupidly I have just been looking through emails from 2012 up to B-day last year and there were no signs or signals of any sort, they are all the same LDT cruel evil nasty spiteful selfish bustards and I hope each and everyone of them burns in the eternal fires of hell for what they have done to us, the really hard thing is acceptance and letting go, the emails I just read were about our holidays and trips around Europe things I miss so much, so surreal almost like they never happened, take care of yourself and try not to over think things as I do believe me it does you no favours.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 20th March 2015 at 05:00 PM.
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Old 20th March 2015, 05:36 PM   #40
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Your not alone don't forget that, stupidly I have just been looking through emails from 2012 up to B-day last year and there were no signs or signals of any sort, they are all the same LDT cruel evil nasty spiteful selfish bustards and I hope each and everyone of them burns in the eternal fires of hell for what they have done to us, the really hard thing is acceptance and letting go, the emails I just read were about our holidays and trips around Europe things I miss so much, so surreal almost like they never happened, take care of yourself and try not to over think things as I do believe me it does you no favours.
Yesterday I found myself fervently wishing that he would receive his just karma for hurting me so. I guess it was the anger talking. But I think it's normal at this stage to go through anger and sadness. I hope for our own sake we can accept and let go. Why should we suffer the rest of our lives? Are they? And are they even worth suffering so much for after they are the ones who broke their vows and our hearts?
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Old 20th March 2015, 05:48 PM   #41
ralfgarnett
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

I think you accept and let go when the time is right its not something you can rush, you and I are both out of long relationships you 15 years me 19 years therefore our healing should take longer than those in short term relatrionships, don't forget we have been involved with our spouses and co-dependant on them for a hell of a long time you just cant get the pain of that ending out of your system quickly, it takes time and understanding and to be honest I still don't know wtf hell actually happended and im pretty sure you don't either
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Old 20th March 2015, 06:05 PM   #42
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

I agree with you. It definitely takes time. It's like a death, in a way. And grieving takes time; no two people grieve the same way, either. I wish there was a shortcut to this but there isn't.
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Old 20th March 2015, 06:22 PM   #43
notDoneYet
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

Hi LDT. You've seen my post about setting goals, GALing etc? These changes are for you and you alone. That anger, grief, sadness and utter devastation you feel right now is perfectly normal. Don't hide from it. Embrace it. It'll eventually make you a stronger person. And you are wondering if your WAH is suffering? The answer is most decidedly yes. But the thing is his suffering will increase over time while yours will decrease. One day in the future you will realise that, although you still think about him and what you had it doesnt hurt as much. It'll never go away, of that I'm convinced but you will build a better life. I promise.
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Old 20th March 2015, 06:55 PM   #44
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Hi LDT. You've seen my post about setting goals, GALing etc? These changes are for you and you alone. That anger, grief, sadness and utter devastation you feel right now is perfectly normal. Don't hide from it. Embrace it. It'll eventually make you a stronger person. And you are wondering if your WAH is suffering? The answer is most decidedly yes. But the thing is his suffering will increase over time while yours will decrease. One day in the future you will realise that, although you still think about him and what you had it doesnt hurt as much. It'll never go away, of that I'm convinced but you will build a better life. I promise.
Thanks, NDY. Some of the things he said in the email and on the phone yesterday were cruel. I found myself being cruel right back. I was at my worst yesterday, ugh. But I sincerely hope the best is yet to come and I wish the same for you. You deserve it.
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Old 20th March 2015, 07:09 PM   #45
Lindentree1
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Re: Oh no...oh no...

I have to accept that he doesn't love me. If he truly loved me, he would be here now. Of course, he told me twice yesterday he that didn't love me. I need to get that through my head. I can't stop thinking about how it used to be. I was so convinced I was loved. This is still so hard to believe. : (

He also said yesterday--"I can't deny my hopes." I feel like he may have been talking about children. I think the next wife is going to be one who can give him children. It's a bitter pill to swallow. I would have loved to have a child with him. But, again, if he really loved me, there could be no reason for him to leave.

I'm just so sad about all this.

I'm not perfect and he leaves. There was a lot of pressure on me to be perfect. I always felt I could never live up to his standards. I always felt like I fell short. Now the only standards I have to live up to are my own.
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