my husband left me with no warning

such a bad, bad weekend, just when you think your doing good and you fall apart completely, it was my male friends birthday and as you know myself and my ex share the same group of friends, i arrived at the party and my ex's brother was there but in another room,i just couldn't relax and then i thought he came into the room and i froze and then i couldn't help myself and started to cry, so i left and spent the night at home crying and i mean really crying, i crying harder than i had in 3wks combined and the next day as well, i didn't want to get out of bed until my mother kept hounding me all day to get up(she has a key to my house). it just sucks when i was having such a good week a few days before and it all hits you again that your alone, unhappy and wondering why?

It can be so hard when you and your ex share the same social circles, yes it sucks, but with time it will get easier.

Just don't beat yourself up when things get you down, do what ever works to lift you out of it. For me venting helps, just read my post from Sunday, thanks to some great support here it helped. Glad you had your mum to hound you to get up.

Hope you have a better week,

Hugz JB

[Hopefull1983]

Bhan I know exactly how you're feeling, as you know my husband and I work together and to top matters off we also share the same social circle of friends too. The only thing I can suggest is that you need to try and not think of him as your husband in these situations, yes when you're alone (if you are) and talking but in social circles you just need to try and have a bit of a blase attitude towards him. The wondering 'why' is the hardest part, I still wonder this, when my husband and I just yesterday were disputing everything and he was trying to explain his feelings I to this day told him that although I accept what has happened now I will never understand it, when you love someone and have a happy life together and enjoy each others company etc...etc...etc... what is your possible motivation for walking away from all of this on a whim. My only explanation to you is something that my counsellor told me 'they have commitment issues', what happened to us would have and will happen to anyone unless they deal with these issues. Please try and drum this into yourself because it does help, I spent months wondering 'why' and trying to figure out if I could have done anything differently but in one counselling session this was put right and I accepted that this would have happened with anyone. My husband still disputes this and tries to say that his feelings just changed yada yada yada, however, I try to ignore this and keep what my counsellor said in mind because this to me makes much more sense than 'oh I changed my mind I don't want to be married anymore'.

Please be strong sweetie, I know it's hard and the 10 steps back feel like an impossible situation but you said it yourself in your reply to my last post 'we'll get there'. And we WILL! It may take a lot of time but we will. The only plus to all of this is that we are currently going through what I think is the toughest thing anyone can ever go through in life and it is going to make us such strong people in the long run.

Thinking of you sweetie. xxx

just saw a picture of "him" on a night out, and i was out the same night,the thought of that i might of bumped into him and just the sight of the photo has me feeling so sick! god i hate all this so much, ijust want to get back to normal and not want to cry all the time and having to tell people and having people give you that looK! Im just so fed up of it all, sometimes its so hard to want to get out of bed and do anything, whats the point, nothing means anything anymore, everything i every know is gone, just like that, how can anything in life make sense when the one thing i your life that made sense for nearly 9 years turns out to be false!
sorry to rant, just finding it hard to understand, it's been ten weeks, yet it feels like yesterday, i just want to be happy again, proper happiness that lasts longer than a day at a time! ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

[sean1234]

Ive just read your post and im so sorry your going through similar things to me. My wife said being with me and having kids held her back. Her job now seems to be her main ambition. She could have still done this with us bit seems to blame me instead. It worries me a bit that you say you know he is doing the right thing. Do you really think that. Your not a burden. You should be a part of his life. A valuable part. That someone that whenever things arnt doing to well could cheer him up. After all you should know him better than anyone else.i just hope he lives to regret his decision as i hope my wife does. I would have never stood in her way witj any career she wanted because after all if it made her happy it would have made me happy. And it would benefit our family. Who knows why they think the way they do. Something none og us will ever know i think. Anyway thinking of you sean

[topro86]

that is so painful to read, i can only imagine how is it to be in your position! This is happening all over the world, all the people have almost the same problems... i wish i could help you on some more specific way, but i can't! The most important thing for you now is, if there is no chance to be with him again, to have good friends who are full of understanding and who will help you to get over him. But i wan't to tell you something else that might help you... you should do the same thing as he is doing, i mean on the reason he had break up with you! Go on with your life, but that doesn't have to mean you should date someone immediately! Since you don't have a clue how to date with someone, i would suggest you to turn on to the faith! Religion is something where you can find such a inspiration that will amaze you as nothing before! Believe with all your heart, read religious books from many religions...and you will see how unimportant things make your life worse, just pass over them and concentrate on tha God! At least try it..... the best time to read is before you go to sleep, and you can start with as little as 15 minutes of reading... Best regards and i hope it will help you, and that you are going to try it!

ahh, had the weirdest dream last night that "he" asked me to take him back and i said yes and then i was thinking what have i done, he doesn't deserve me and i don't want to be with him. woke up this mornin in a blind panick, and then i realised thank god its only a dream!! it's so funny after weeks of waking up every morning thinkin oh my god, this is actually real! it makes me feel like i'm actually starting to move on, that i know i will find someone ten times better than him and live happier than i even know i could but saying this tho, tomorrow i'll probably say i'll be alone and unhappy forever! but i'll take this good day and enjoy every minute of it, i don't need him anymore!!! god that feels so good to say!!!!

[UpandDown]

That's brilliant!
x

just got back from a fab week away in spain with a good friend of mine, had a great time managed to just get away from it all and the yesterday we came home and it was my birthday yesterday and i don't know why but i kind of expected to get a txt off him wished me a happy birthday, but i didn't and it hurt me all over again, i honestly thought he cared a little bit more about me but obviously not, i'm supposed to be going out tonight to celebrate my birthday but now i don't want to, i feel so down after having such a good week and it really sucks to be back to normality!!! it's three months now, i can't believe it!