Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  
Old 14th August 2011, 04:47 PM   #811
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk View Post
No Chamomile , that's my eldest son. Youngest who has the ASD really struggled in primary school. The way they were teaching just wasn't geared up for any child with any kind of difficulty . In the end I started to teach him phonetically at home , which was the way I learned to read although he still attended school everyday . He picked it up within a couple of weeks and went from not being able to read barely at all at age 4 , to having the reading age of a 17 year old at age 8. Youngest has the intelligence but sees things very literally and so if he struggled with anything I tried to find a different way of approaching it that he'd understand. Once he'd grasped the basics of something he would come on in leaps and bounds. Schools on the whole just don't have the resources for that kind of one-to-one teaching.His secondary school I must admit was far more supportive and his EA became a personal friend . Youngest was exhausting to bring up !

He had such behavioural problems from a young age that it was impossible to teach him anything he wasn't interested in , working with his psychologist was marvellous . I owe her a huge debt of gratitude for the support we had. She has 2 autistic children herself and really understood .
Hi

That's really interesting and so delightful to read as to how much you were able to help your Son, Helen.

I used to know someone whose 6 children were on the spectrum in varying degrees that her h had to stop working to care for their children (all boys). I have known some ppl with ASD and one was in fact, close to me when I was growing up. People with ASD tend to have some (unusual) special talent.
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 04:57 PM   #812
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Sounds exciting Helen
I didnt realise that you met online. I am sure that you know that we did as well. Its getting a very common way to meet someone these days. I think its great as we are able to get to know others who arent in our area that normally we would never meet.

I do like Southampton. When we used to visit my daughter when she lived there, I always liked it. There seem to be lot of parks, and also you have the sea as well which is a bonus.
Yes its sounds as if you have a good future. Do you sons get on with him?
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:01 PM   #813
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
Chamomile...

Dear lady, you are right on track as usual. That was exactly why I posted a reassurance to Baroness.

In Germany the yards were small and co-opped with rentals, so we had a garden plot rented outside the city area. That was a laugh for us! It became full of weeds and wouldn't grow as we are not adept at keeping a pot plant alive, let alone a whole garden. It is not one of my skills. I work hard to not kill two hanging plants on the front porch area all summer. I get stress over the blasted things!
Hi 1aokgal xxx

You got mail.

Thank you for your sweet and thoughtful words as always.

I'm no massive fan of ornamental hanging baskets myself, to be honest - you know that Horticulture is a British favourite past time. LOL LOL
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:03 PM   #814
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I am a moderator on a very large Christian forum(based in the USA but has world wide members), and its a great place to go to and talk and discuss and ask for advise.Its not a marriage forum (it has many many sections covering absolutely everything) but there is a marriage part of it. I have also been able to help quite a few people who have sent me private messages as well, so with that and being a moderator I see it as a job/ministry that God has led me into.(albeit an unpaid job. lol)
Yes, I realize you are more than dedicated in helping others, Chosen
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:16 PM   #815
Helen_uk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Yes, Southampton isn't a bad city although where my fiance lives is the other side of the M27 and classed as New Forest District.

I've always loved the sea , and having spent most of my life in the landlocked Midlands, it's wonderful that it will be so close.

I was wary about meeting online, last LTR was met online and it did put me off somewhat . This was different I guess as we met through common interests rather than a romantic relationship and being good friends first meant we built solid foundations. My sons were understandably also very wary at first , we all had such a horrendous experience with the ex... but they get on with him really well, he's a very laid back person and youngest son visits him almost as much as I do !.

Chamomile , youngest sprog was hard work but rewarding ! I guess if you have a child then you do what you have to do to give them a good start in life. The first few years, prior to his diagnosis were the hardest . Once we knew what we were dealing with it got easier. I've often said that had he been the first child he would have been an only child !
Helen_uk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:19 PM   #816
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Chamomile...

Please do come over and save my hanging flower baskets. My family kids me I am the "black death" to these baskets. They are pretty for a couple months before I drown them or starve them of water! I love flowers and buy only rose bushes known to survive people like me.
  Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:26 PM   #817
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk View Post
I was wary about meeting online, last LTR was met online and it did put me off somewhat . This was different I guess as we met through common interests rather than a romantic relationship and being good friends first meant we built solid foundations. My sons were understandably also very wary at first , we all had such a horrendous experience with the ex... but they get on with him really well, he's a very laid back person and youngest son visits him almost as much as I do !.

Chamomile , youngest sprog was hard work but rewarding ! I guess if you have a child then you do what you have to do to give them a good start in life. The first few years, prior to his diagnosis were the hardest . Once we knew what we were dealing with it got easier. I've often said that had he been the first child he would have been an only child !
Hi

What type of music Sorry for being so nosey..lol lol

I'm sorry to hear your have some Health issues at the moment. Hope things will start to improve very soon (it's been very hot isn't it? - much hotter than last year to my mind).

You have done so well, Helen. You are a Good Mother. You deserve to be Happy with your new man. All the best, xxx
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:28 PM   #818
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by 1aokgal View Post
Chamomile...

Please do come over and save my hanging flower baskets. My family kids me I am the "black death" to these baskets. They are pretty for a couple months before I drown them or starve them of water! I love flowers and buy only rose bushes known to survive people like me.
LOL! LOL!

"Yes, 1aokgal, on my way...."
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:30 PM   #819
Helen_uk
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,531
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

1aokgal,

Hanging baskets are really difficult to keep looking good ! I recently gave up on mine and replaced them with some wall art that doesn't need watering . I'm all for removing things that cause me stress !

Rock music Chamomile , my fiance's business is websites ( and at one time before the recession, shops ) that sell music merchandise and that's how we got chatting
Helen_uk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 05:56 PM   #820
Baroness
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

First, I'd like to say to Chamomile that I don't totally agree that a session with a professional is required, not in my case. I wouldn't accept things said from a professional necessarily because she doesn't know me or my h and if we went together (which would never happen) I wouldn't say such personal things as I do on here.

I'm talking to other women on here, sometimes men, who I know have been through things similar. What I needed I received on this site. I got insights from a christian point of view and also 1aokgal has been through basically the same thing so she has helped me more than anything. I doubt a professional would talk about my creative side such as making hats and if she hadn't experienced what I have then I probably wouldn't accept her advice.

I have talked to a professional years back with my second husband cheated on me and she helped quite a lot but for this problem I wanted to hear what other women said and thought who had experienced it as well. I received the help I needed and as you can see I am in a much better frame of mind because of it.

1aokgal, I didn't say that about painting my h in a bad light because of what any one person would think. I realized that I was only saying bad things about him and to understand my situation fully everyone should know that he isn't a terrible person at all. It was kind of for myself as well because I realize that there are many good things about him that I might not have posted.

The more information you have about him and me, the better you can understand and give helpful advice. Of course you don't have to give me helpful advice, it isn't a condition for me being on here, but I have gotten good advice nevertheless. I have no problem telling anyone about how I feel on here.

I have a problem with talking to my friends and family because of their reaction. They would just say to leave him, like my daughter has told me upon occasion. I told her I know she doesn't understand but we work together as a couple and if I didn't find something good in him I would not stay and she knows this to be true.

Chamomile, I encourage you to post on here any time you like and to me in particular because I always want to hear what you have to say. You don't have to be a professional, you're a woman, aren't you? That gives you all the qualifications you need. I take most things to God because I think he is the real professional.

Reading the bible and praying does help me quite a lot and I will continue to do so. When I get upset with him I tell it on here, I don't even bother telling my best friend anymore because she wants me to do something about it right now, like leave, and she is not a christian so she sees everything cut and dry but then again, she hasn't had a relationship in 20 years.

I do talk to my mother but she only has the view of a christian and tells me that God is going to fix everything and that I shouldn't even admit there is a problem with my man or with my back condition. I don't believe that way anymore, not admitting there is a problem doesn't help because its best to face things head on and deal with it instead of pretending everything is okay.

I used to believe the way she does and was living in a dream world and told myself it will be better tomorrow or next day. Kind of like Scarlett in Gone with the 'I can't think about this now, I'll think about it tomorrow.'

I still get a little upset when I'm in here doing my hats or something and he's in there and I suspect I know what he's doing and it still really bothers me. The not knowing is the hard part and late at night is when I think about it most. I can't believe that he doesn't miss our touching and lovemaking. I'm afraid that he is in a pattern now and although I can't prove it, this is what he has chosen to do, take the lazy way out and not even try. I still have moments when I'm angry about it and sad because its such a waste of our time. We could be enjoying each other.

This will never be okay for me. I know that as well as I know my own name. I have managed to live with it and not dwell on it constantly and of course I am doing a lot better, I don't resent him all the time like I was and I have told my friends and family that I intend to stay with him. I can only speak for my feeling of now, who knows what will happen in the future? No one does but I have to stay with him because I love him. I feel he is slighting me and cheating me out of something wonderful and last night I had a dream and in it he was packing up to leave me.

We were not in our place but somewhere else. I went to him to ask him what he was doing and suddenly we were all over each other and he was kissing me and touching me and he said, "Lets see if this thing will work tonight." We started to make love on the bed and I thought, 'I can't wait to go on the thread and tell everyone that it finally happened!' The dream ended there. Its hard for me to accept that we will never be together again.

I've thought that way before and he suddenly wanted to make love to me so I can't rule it out completely. To do so would be to admit that I will live without this for the rest of my life and I just can't see myself doing that. I don't want anyone else and so this is quite a problem for me. I am handling it the best way I can, trying to acknowledge the good things in our life and everything we've been through together and all our good memories as well. But this is a constant battle and I just would like to know if I'm going to win in the end.

Last edited by Baroness; 14th August 2011 at 06:12 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 06:40 PM   #821
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

helen
I am glad that your sons get on well with him, that so so important isnt it. My son took to my husband immediately, but he had left home by then. The girls who were still at home were also very wary, like your boys after their terrible experiences with their own dad, and the last thing they wanted was another 'father figure' around again thank you very much.
However with time and a LOT of patience on his part, they came round and now they all have a brilliant relationship with him. In fact he is their dad really, because they have no contact with their own dad.
Its really good to have a guy who is laid back and patient isnt it. So refreshing, and it makes for a very relaxed home.I love my laid back Aussie man!

I also love the New Forest by the way, in fact all that area down to Swanage and Bournmouth and Poole. Around Poole is one of the places that my older daughter anf fiance may live after they marry.They could do a lot worse.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th August 2011, 09:11 PM   #822
1aokgal
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

The site helped me when I first posted here. I no longer worked 55 hour weeks for a firm and just began to work from the home. There was a transition getting others to repect my time was valuable. I couldn't be on the phone a lot or go to lunch without losing time needed here. The special orders were difficult to get out in time and I needed to work that out. There are customer inquiries and deadlines on the projects. Family had to get it I couldn't always be interrupted or I would fall behind some order.

I felt somehat isolated spending so much time in the workroom or studio. This subject was not a problem I wanted to discuss with others. Just getting it out was better than steaming in silence. Sometimes now things no longer seems to matter. I learned to gift myself with creative joy and enjoy the time I paint or work alone. This paid off in some lovely things I am proud to show. Painters have a voice inside that needs to talk and making something beautiful is peaceful.

I also created several paintings that I believe were painted through me rather than my skill. Ah...that is a whole different subject and it is a spirit filled time.
Baroness may just beginning to get how sweet is that time.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 14th August 2011 at 09:56 PM.
  Reply With Quote
Old 15th August 2011, 04:46 AM   #823
Baroness
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I've been looking at hats on etsy for awhile and have saved some, 1aokgal and I was busy cooking so I didn't get to work on my hat but I did yesterday for several hours and I can't remember ever working so hard. The time just flew by. Then I went on line to learn how to make silk flowers with ribbon and I just didn't get it by their directions.

Then I went on line and on ebay to see if I could order some. I have flowers but I don't know if they are silk, I didn't check that and just realized that they should be. I've had that movie I ordered for him and I to watch and its just been sitting there so today when he came home I said I would like to watch it and he agreed.

I thought it was funny but he didn't seem to overly like it, maybe because they were talking about erectyle disfunction but it was a comedy so maybe he didn't appreciate it. towards the evening I asked him if he was tired because he wasn't talking much and he said yes. He was kind of boring today, I have to admit but I was busy anyway.

Regarding him and our relationship there just doesn't seem to be much I look forward to anymore. What is there really? HIm kissing me but not really kissing me? Going to bed alone all the time? Watching reruns with him? No, there doesn't seem to be much to look forward to.

He didn't even rave about the lemon cheesecake with blueberries on top that I made from scratch. He thanked me when I gave it to him and then that was it and I put a lot of work into that. I usually have to ask him if he liked it and he always says yes but i don't feel like asking him anymore. He just sits there like he's dead or uninterested in life.

I know he's tired but he didn't do that much. He mans a kiosk on the weekends so I can't see how that would tired him out. Its almost as if he's worried about something but he won't tell me if i ask and most of the time I don't find out until a few days have past.

I am getting a little tired of this. This wasn't one of our better days and i'm looking into the future and wondering how I'm going to survive years like this or worse. It's my fault. I knew what he was like in the beginning but at least then we had hot sex to fall back on. I suppose I'm just venting and I am rather tired so I should just go to bed and not bore you all with t his anymore.
  Reply With Quote
Old 15th August 2011, 11:13 AM   #824
Patchouli
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

I've stumbled across this post, after what happened with my husband this past weekend (see my post). I am trying to read through and glean some information which will hopefully help me.

May I add myself to the list of christian women who does enjoy sex.
  Reply With Quote
Old 15th August 2011, 12:02 PM   #825
Chamomile
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 816
Re: Husband doesn't want sex

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk View Post

Rock music Chamomile , my fiance's business is websites ( and at one time before the recession, shops ) that sell music merchandise and that's how we got chatting
Hi Helen xxx

That's fantastic, Helen. My h and I love music of all sorts (rock music included) also. I'm thinking of getting myself a turn table when I could find a reasonably priced one.

Yes, hope changing his routine won't be too upsetting for your Son by moving house, too. I have a cousin with severe ASD and I have no words to describe my deep respect for you. I believe that Southampton has its University hospital NHS which I seem to keep hearing good things on news etc which might be useful.

xxxx
Chamomile is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 09:37 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer