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Old 19th August 2013, 08:40 AM   #61
Raymond
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Re: Husband has left!

As 1okgal said on the other thread it takes a lot of character to maintain a marriage and some do not have that. I just wonder if he has what it takes. I hope I am wrong. There is nothing more you can do as far as I can see except to make a life for yourself. Begging him is not producing anything. Sometimes getting on with your life and showing independence does. Men like to chase and hunt and that will not happen if you are always there for him. There are no guarantees as he may not have what it takes but either way I think you ought to try and not rely on him.
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Old 19th August 2013, 08:44 AM   #62
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

He is probably putting things on facebook to try and show that he is 'enjoying himself' if that is what going to the pub is. It doesn't men he is enjoying himself, but that's the picture he is trying to show to others.
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Old 19th August 2013, 08:45 AM   #63
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I do think you may be right. He doesn't seem mature enough as to be honest...he left under circumstances where must would have "been there for me" not thought of himself!
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Old 19th August 2013, 09:29 AM   #64
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

My wife changed her status to single on Facebook. That hurt. But I believe its used as a very public way of expressing her anger at me. So I'm guessing your husband is trying to gain some advantage over your emotions by letting you know he is supposedly enjoying himself. Don't be fooled. Stay focused , I've absolutely no doubt that his seeming indifference to you is his way of seeing how far he can push you. I hope he sees sense soon. My wife and I have at times played oneupmanship. No one wins.
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Old 19th August 2013, 01:18 PM   #65
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I just feel so stupid for holding on, he will happily talk to me about normal things but not the situation in hand and he left me! He seems to be genuinely upset and missing me but it's his choice! He's had these random friends I don't know contacting him via Facebook to go out again etc... I regret marrying him, I regret meeting him as I'm the one hurting and he seems to not want to mention it!
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Old 19th August 2013, 01:27 PM   #66
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

Totally natural feelings for you to have. I would be surprised if you really regreted your marriage. I don't regret mine. And whilst I shoulder the blame for my neglect I know I'm not all to blame. Our spouses have control over the situation, we cannot understand why they do as they do. We have a choice puglove , fight or flee, in going to fight. I have learned that getting on with my own life gets more interest, good and bad, than pursuing her relentlessly. You seem to be falling back into despair as I've done. But im going to get back up , hope you can to.
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Old 19th August 2013, 08:38 PM   #67
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I went round his parents house today to give then their key back, I asked him when he got in wound he be up for having a talk "no not now, I'm going out" I said "but you never want to talk and I feel it would do us some good." "No. I don't want to. Will talk to you on the phone tomorrow." His dad and mum invited me in for a drink. Husband came into the living room and said I was "taking advantages of their kindness, that I'm ruining their evening." Then he went out.
His mum was upset he wouldn't talk to me, I spoke to them his dad was running my mum down to which my reply was "he is married to me not my mum."
His mum just said how he should just try but he is never home!
His dad tried to convince me to agree to a divorce if that's what it comes to, I said no!
He then said "well you told him you would change in march but you didn't. "I was still grieving for my dad." "Well yeah.."
They are literally just going on about things from months ago. I've had anxiety management and sorted my life out and while I can appreciate my husband would be apprehensive to come back I find it frustrating because I know we would be ok.
I just feel he is just a child. We can only talk when he wants to, it's all his way, I'm the one living alone, working full time and he just wants to go to the pub!
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Old 19th August 2013, 09:27 PM   #68
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

He also said he is seeing a solicitor on Wednesday..3rd time he has said that and it has never happened! He will talk to me over the phone but not face to face...
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Old 19th August 2013, 10:35 PM   #69
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Re: Husband has left!

I just want to tell him to leave me alone now. I love him dearly but it's not getting anywhere
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Old 19th August 2013, 11:02 PM   #70
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

You have put yourself in a totally bad place. Your husband , my wife , both enjoy the control. I'm desperately trying as you are. But we appear weak and they are taking advantage. I'm seeing your side as I'm very much in the same position. We need to step back , now, it has to be their decision, we made ours weeks ago. I'm wishing you success , but you need to draw back. Hey , listen to me giving advice , I'm a mess lol. But you made me smile here a few days ago. It's possible your husband sees you , but your making it easy for him.
Good luck
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Old 20th August 2013, 07:52 AM   #71
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I know you are right, I just can't see it changing. If we had been married years and he had been unhappy I could understand but it's not even been a year ye. I said to him yesterday " I don't understand why you want to go straight down the divorce route?" "It's not going straight down its months of thinking about it!" 3 months at most!!! I do think he likes the control, is incredibly immature and just wants the pub and that's it! He is willing to throw away a life many men would want and for what? Staying on his parents sofa "going out"
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Old 20th August 2013, 08:56 AM   #72
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

I remember many years ago how immature I was. I dud similar things , I was out all the time. I had young children, a sick wife, a job to hold down. Eventually my relationships during those years ended. But it wasn't me that ended them. And believe me, it hurt. There I was , doing as I pleased , top of the hill. It was a long way to fall. It was only when my partner said enough, and meant it, that I tried to repair things. I do believe that if your strong and firm with him it is your best hope he will see sense.
It will not be long before the novelty wears very thin indeed.
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Old 20th August 2013, 11:29 AM   #73
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I think that's all I can do now! I've tried talking, being nice, going around there! Everything! He has everything and just wants to throw it away
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Old 20th August 2013, 12:08 PM   #74
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

Well good luck. It's very difficult isn't it. Very difficult. I am telling myself every minute that its hopeless, preparing for the hurt yet to come. But underneath I'm holding out for that small glimmer of hope. I suspect it may be the same for you. I've got lots to sort out today. Yet to move. But I will. I'm lucky I have such support from my daughter. It really helps to have someone close by, do you have someone like that ?
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Old 20th August 2013, 04:53 PM   #75
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I have asked him not to phone me tonight as I have been applying pressure for him to talk to me and that's not fair.
I intend to leave him alone now. I have plans all week!
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