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Old 14th August 2013, 11:10 PM   #31
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

I think your words were just lovely. How can you feel guilty about showing such love ? These things I say to my wife all the time , and I get little in return. Don't you feel guilty, I never do. What I feel is that we make it so so easy for them. I am drawing away from her, to stop my hurt and also because my belief in us is dying due to her behaviour. Stay strong , I think your showing incredible strength.
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Old 15th August 2013, 09:01 AM   #32
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Thank you Barry! I hope things are going well at your end! I just feel a bit stuck, I clearly hit a nerve or something and I don't want to push him too far! I just don't know what to do
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Old 15th August 2013, 12:35 PM   #33
Raymond
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Re: Husband has left!

I think that it might be a good sign that he cried. It shows there is a lot of feeling there. I hope he can find his way back. You must let him save face if you can.
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Old 15th August 2013, 01:04 PM   #34
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I just don't know where to go from here. Do I leave him now? I just can't do anymore, I'm happy and back to the girl he fell for and I just want to get my life going again
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Old 15th August 2013, 01:18 PM   #35
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Would it help if you gave him a time limit for him to make his mind up? Its so hard to live with this uncertainty isnt it.
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Old 15th August 2013, 01:32 PM   #36
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

He wouldn't do well with a time limit. That's why we are here in the first place I think! I just text him and as of now I'm letting him go. I miss him so much but I really can't do anymore. I can't make him come home. I shouldn't be afraid to talk to him
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Old 15th August 2013, 02:06 PM   #37
toellandback
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Re: Husband has left!

I really do not believe its as easy as just "letting go". If it were I would throw the switch this minute and save myself so much hurt..that said , I think what will happen is that you nay find your doing mire for you each day than for him. We are the ones left behind, hopefully in time if we cannot save our relationships, we may just be the ones happiest in ourselves. Least I like to think that .
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Old 15th August 2013, 10:48 PM   #38
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Spoke to him this evening. Ended up crying a little (no shouting or hysterics) just telling him how I missed him and how I felt we are such a good couple etc a d how I felt dad and frustrated. He said he didn't want to talk about this today. My reply was you never want to talk about this! I just feel like although things are well he is holding back and it's frustrating as just a date would be nice!
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Old 15th August 2013, 10:49 PM   #39
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

Sad not dad..silly phone
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Old 16th August 2013, 09:37 AM   #40
Raymond
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Re: Husband has left!

Does he know about your side of it Puglove? What I mean is that you have recognised your past behaviour which came out of fear after the decease of your father. Have you ever explained to him that you now recognise this and you see what happened? Not that he is perfect either. Who is? But I think it is important to go through it if you haven't already. Perhaps a letter. You shouldn't grovel of course. It will still be up to him to think about it and respond or not.
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Old 16th August 2013, 12:03 PM   #41
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I have since explained to him why I felt the way I did, how I reacted to that and how I can see why I was that way. I've done everything "right" as it were. He clearly misses me but is just afraid to man up as take the leap back!
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Old 16th August 2013, 12:53 PM   #42
Raymond
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Re: Husband has left!

If is difficult for you Puglove but you must resist the urge to grovel. Don't lower yourself to that. That never helps. The ball is in his court. As you say you have done everything right. I don't honestly see what else you can do. What I would suggest is to now allow a bit of distance and try and be a bit independent. Men do not always re-act well to someone on a plate so to speak. I think you should now get on with your life as best as you can and try and enjoy it. It will take courage. It can have the effect of drawing him if he thinks he is going to lose you but your attempts must be genuine and not manipulative. What I mean is that you don't do it to affect him otherwise you will come unstuck. Do it for real and you will be ready for whatever happens. You have done everything and you cannot wait around now. It is up to him to come knocking. Really it will be becoming if you do this for real.
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Old 16th August 2013, 02:54 PM   #43
chosen
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Re: Husband has left!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Puglove View Post
He wouldn't do well with a time limit. That's why we are here in the first place I think! I just text him and as of now I'm letting him go. I miss him so much but I really can't do anymore. I can't make him come home. I shouldn't be afraid to talk to him
I meant a time limit for you to make for yourself. Also if you get upset when you speak do you actually need to have contact? If he makes his mind up he can contact you, but otherwise I cant see that it is helpful at the moment.
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Old 16th August 2013, 10:15 PM   #44
Puglove
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Re: Husband has left!

I feel like I've done everything to make myself better and I just think I'm perfectly back to normal now! The girl he wanted to marry, so why can't he just come back now? If he's afraid etc he doesn't need to be.I guess I just feel frustrate because he's clearly struggling/upset etc with it and its lovely he misses me but to me we both miss each other so come home!
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Old 17th August 2013, 08:23 AM   #45
Raymond
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Re: Husband has left!

It is frustrating for you Puglove but it is time to be strong and a little bit independent. As I said the ball is in his court and there is nothing you can do. I think the more you bug him about it the worse reaction you will get. It has to be his freewill so I think you need to step back a bit. Making an independent life will surely catch his attention and make him think but you musn't do it for that. None of us can control another's reaction. That is part of love which is freewill.
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