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Old 3rd July 2014, 10:13 PM   #1
SadNBrea
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Wife said she doesn't know if she loves me

My world is rapidly crumbling. My wife admitted she doesn't know if she loves me anymore, said "I don't turn her on" and she's been thinking about divorce since WE GOT MARRIED. She keeps telling me she doesn't know why she feels "hollow and empty."

Before I was told all of this, she had already made a counseling appointment to seek some solo help, and she's agreed to marriage counseling as well.

We've been married only 2.8 years, and I thought everything was going great. Three weeks ago, we moved into a new place that we bought.

I've been unemployed for the last 7 months, but have been going to school full-time to get my BA so I can become a teacher. I just recently earned my associates in Psychology. I only have three semesters left before entering the teacher program--which will take another year. This was something that we both agreed I should do, so I didn't look for another job and went to school full-time.

The last few months, I've been actively looking for part-time employment, but since all my experience is in IT, finding a part-time evening/weekend job is hard. I've started expanding that to anything that will work around my classes--something even my wife says my efforts have not gone unnoticed and she believes I am trying. I know being the sole breadwinner is hard, and I'm willing to get a job; God trust me, I want one.

We have no kids, 2 dogs, and I keep the house clean, make all the meals, and make her a priority in my life (stuff I did before I was jobless)

Lately, she's been distant, is very passive when it comes to affection (she will accept it, but not give it), she will sit on one-end of the couch and not make any effort to connect (physically) with me. When asked, she said there wasn't anyone else she was interested in.

I love her so much. I've never lied to her (she has to me; several times) I make her a priority, I compliment her everyday,I've never cheated, and I even do little things like slip love notes into her lunch (which I make) from time to time.

When I asked her why she married me, she said it was because I'm a nice guy, treat her like a princess, and make her a priority.

I don't want to lose her, I love her and would do anything to make this marriage work. What can I do?

Last edited by SadNBrea; 3rd July 2014 at 10:27 PM.
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Old 4th July 2014, 09:04 AM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: Wife said she doesn't know if she loves me

I am wondering if there is another person somewhere? Perhaps at her job? Many times we hear that speech it turns about to be someone else. I really hope it isn't that.

Apart from that she just needs to work on her marriage which is meant to be a comittment to each other. Feelings are great but one also needs to love on purpose. That is the other side of it. Living just on feelings you can blow up. Living just on comittment you can dry up. With comittment and feelings you grow up. What she feels seems to be a modern disease. She can be supremely happy with you if she decides to be but that will take comittment to love you whereupon the feelings will eventually come.

You both need to talk about your marriage and work on it together. Get marriage counseling if this will help. She has to decide really.
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Old 4th July 2014, 07:00 PM   #3
chosen
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Re: Wife said she doesn't know if she loves me

I agree with Raymond, there may well be another person involved.
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