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Old 3rd January 2011, 02:20 AM   #1
dazed and confused
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New Year New Hope

Just a quick run down and up date.On March 17 2010 my husband and I had a minor fight he walked out the door and said he was never coming back. Like so many on here I was shocked hurt and felt where do I begin.For the first 6 months he was so mean and said some awful things.Deep down I knew this wasn't him at that time it would have been easier to walk away because the only time I was hurt and sad was when I was around him. I started doing things I liked ( rescusing bats) and making new friends since for 10 years my life was all about him. I never gave up hope and was always there if he needed help ( we have a business together) but still had my own life now.

By Oct I noticed a big change in him he was starting to act like my old Dave again ( not 100% but getting there). Everything in our lives are still the same as in March. He's never taken a thing from here even thought I try to make him.He resigned the lease here with me in Sept and still use his bank account to take half the rent out each fortnight. I know it seems strange all my friends tell me that.

In the beginning of Dec we had a talk about Derick our main reason for our fight in March. He said he regrates that and everything else that makes me sad and hate him. I know that doesnt sound like much but for him to say that meant alot to me. He said he wanted to spend Christmas Day with me ( which is hard to do with our business).I was happy but fed up with being in limbo. I texted him saying I was tired of being half a wife and the person he runs to when things are bad. I said to him if its over with us I'd rather not see him on Christmas Day because it would be to hard.I said to make it easy for him all he'd have to say is if I should get a turkey or not. He texted back saying get a turkey. He came over and bought me my first Christmas present in years from him. I hate to say I didnt get him one because I didn't know we were doing that and didn't want to look stupid. We had a great day didn't talk about anything heavy just enjoyed the day.

I wasn't going to do much on New Years just see fireworks with some friends then I got a text from Dave saying sorry I have to work but if I'd like to come and spend the evening together. I made up a picnic lunch and took his Christmas gift I got him because I felt bad I didn't get him one. So we spent our New Years in a cow field dodging cow poo. We brought in the new year together and that's all I cared about.

Do I know what next week will bring No but I've grown and can handle either or. I like my new life but miss my old and the old can fit in my new life if it works out. I'm not in a hurry either way I want us both to be sure.I thank this site for being there for me when at times I couldn't breathe because of the pain.

I Hope WE All Have A Wonderful 2011

Love Val xxx
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Old 3rd January 2011, 02:27 AM   #2
luce
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Re: New Year New Hope

Hugs Val. I read every word and hugs. You are amazing. xxxxx
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Old 3rd January 2011, 12:24 PM   #3
Raymond
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Re: New Year New Hope

You are in a good position Val. Hoping for the best but ready if if doesn't happen. You cannot really do more than that. Let's hope he is on the way to recovery and for a strong, stable, happy marriage.
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Old 4th January 2011, 10:54 AM   #4
dazed and confused
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Re: New Year New Hope

I was reading a post about googling ex and new g/f I've never googled anyone so I googled myself and everything I've said on here is there so any one who googles me can see everything I 've written. I deleted my old thread but still anything with v.. comes up.Any ideas how I can stop it?
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Old 4th January 2011, 02:54 PM   #5
georgie
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Re: New Year New Hope

Hi V, that's why I deleted my old thread - I added my blog link to it and than realised when someone entered my blog name as a google search it was taking them right in to my thread here so I had to take a sharp in take of breath and get rid of it. Deleting the link didnt work as it still came up in google search, had to delete the whole thread.

You need to delete anything that has your full name or anything identifying on it. if its just your first name i wouldnt worry about it - but email address or full name or links to any sites associated with you should be avoided.

I'm so glad to hear things are better for you - I'm very hopefull about this year and feeling confidant about being able to handle whatever life throws at me.
If you ever need a hand with anything or are heading towards Melbourne just drop me a line - you can leave me a comment on the blog gemwip.wordpress.com and we'll get in touch x
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Old 4th January 2011, 04:27 PM   #6
dazed and confused
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Re: New Year New Hope

Hi georgie it just really shocked me that everything I said on here was public,I felt more that he'd know what I was really thinking and feeling so in away was always one step in front of me. That's months of my heartache for the world to see that's what upsets me most.
I read your blog it's very good you always gave such good advice.I'm glad your doing that.Melbourne has been on my wish list for years so you never know.

luce thanks for the hugs many times in the past year I could have used some in real life.

Raymond thanks for the comment.I feel I'm in a good place right now.I hope I'm ready for whatever 2011 throws at me

Love V xx
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Old 5th January 2011, 02:01 PM   #7
Highlander
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Re: New Year New Hope

You should ALWAYS accept that ANYTHING you post on ANY forum, Facebook account, or anywhere else online is publicly available to billions of people worldwide.

NEVER post anything you wouldn't want a complete stranger in Australia to read.

ALWAYS use pseudonyms (or better - no names), and never post personal info - names, phone numbers, addresses - online, unless you want them available to the entire internet community.

Accept that the internet is a very dangerous, and very PUBLIC place. Be sensible. If you would not tell a complete stranger in Tescos your name and your marriage problems, then don't do the same online.

It's just being sensible. And for those with kids - remember these rules too.
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Old 5th January 2011, 04:40 PM   #8
dazed and confused
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Re: New Year New Hope

Highlander I have no problem with anything that I've said on here. I've told my H I'm on here and when he's here and uses the computer it's always on screen.I was just shocked to see it there and also had everyone I'm friends with on facebook. I'm a very open person but didn't think everything would be there. I only get spam for viagra so I'm guessing I said something somewhere about that???
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Old 5th January 2011, 04:58 PM   #9
Highlander
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Re: New Year New Hope

Sure thing, DaC... wasn't judging, just pointing out the pitfalls of the internet ... there may be others who aren't aware how public everything is!

All the best.

H
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Old 5th January 2011, 11:34 PM   #10
dazed and confused
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Re: New Year New Hope

Highlander didn't think you were judging me.You are right though I should have realised that our lives are an open book on the net.
After giving it some thought I was happy it was all there in black and white.His parents always put there head in the sand when it comes to him and this way could see he really needed help. I know his dad is always on the net and I'm sure they would of googled us to see what was happening.

Thanks for your input

V..
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Old 10th January 2011, 02:41 PM   #11
stepgrah
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Re: New Year New Hope

DEar Dazed and confused,
As someone who is still in a spin after his wife walked out on Friday, your input has given me hope. I am going to cling to that hope I do love her so very much and maybe one day she'll see things in a different light
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Old 10th January 2011, 05:04 PM   #12
dazed and confused
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Re: New Year New Hope

stepgrah I'm glad I gave you some hope. I have to say thou it hasn't been easy and I'm not there yet. My husband was going and still is suffering with depression. He was very cold and mean for 5 to 6 months. He wouldn't talk or even want to be in the same room with me. At first it hurt so much and was hard to understand because before he left we were looking at houses and wanted to get a dog.It all changed in a second, he now says he doesn't know why he did it and regrates everything. In the last 2 months the change has been great he comes over and we watch movies ( he was here lastnight). I do love my H and I wont give up I do feel this was good for the both of us. He now knows all the things I did to work and have a nice home.I realise that he's trying to make amends for what he did and now show me he loves me. I feel I'm glad we both never rushed to finalise things no real damage. Yes he walked out but because we have a business together we know each others every move.Neither one of us has done anything bad and I knew he was close to a work melt down before he went. I do believe things happen for a reason , whatever the out come I know I tried my best gave it my all so I'll have no regrates.

Take Care V..
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Old 11th January 2011, 10:19 PM   #13
Wiggle
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Re: New Year New Hope

Hi Val!

Great to read your update. I'm glad you're feeling more centred, and that you had a nice Xmas. How are the bats? Do you have many more tatoos?

Brief update at my end - after a summer of 'I don't know/ I'm not sure' I met him in August. I said I didn't want to do this; he gave me the distinct impression he did. I had a bit of an epiphany driving away form that meeting - I realised every time I saw him I got hurt; simple solution to that....

After 2 months of N/C he e-mailed me wanting to talk. I was very cautions and asked why; it transpired that yes, he wanted to break up but wanted to tell me face-to-face.

I think staying friends with them if possible during a seperation gives you the highest chance of repairing things. He was half-hearted about it all, and the insults and criticisms just got too much.

Hope things stay pointed upwards for you, and 2011 turns out a lot better than 2010!

Hugs,

Wiggle
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Old 16th January 2011, 06:51 AM   #14
georgie
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Re: New Year New Hope

Hi, hope you're surving the floods - i'm sure lots of bats will need your help! xx
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Old 17th January 2011, 10:28 AM   #15
dazed and confused
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Re: New Year New Hope

Hi Wiggle so nice to read you again. I was alittle confused with your post. Did he see you after all that time just to break up face to face? It's your sister that's on the Sunshine coast right? How is she doing? I'm on the Gold Coast so we haven't been affected by the floods well in the water sence of it.

Hi georgie Thanks for thinking of me.The bats are lucky they can fly. I have 3 babies that I've been raising for 3 months.They should be released soon which is going to be heartbreaking yet happy for me. I read your blog and loved it.I'm sure it will help many people.

I'm still seeing H alot the real test will be in March when both our leases are up.He keeps saying he hates were he lives but I refuse to ask him back. You'd now think he's the nicest guy in the world he denies saying anything bad to me in the last 8 months ? I really feel I've delt with 2 differant people these past months.

Hogs Val
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