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Old 18th June 2016, 10:14 PM   #16
chosen
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

Yes I was going to say the same as raymond. The Holy Spirit revealed to him what was at the roots of your husbands problems. He is gay and he fancies men. Because of his promiscuity in his younger years he will also needs ministry and probably deliverance as well eventually. Its sad because he married you under completely false pretences, and has kept you in the dark all these years which is very wrong.
The choice now will be to stay with him knowing this, knowing that is is only sexually attracted to men, which will mean more as celibate friends, or you separate and let each be free to go the way God leads so that you can maybe find a man who will love you as a man, sexually and physically.

You are still trying to justify having sex with other men, even though you know that he is only interested in the senario because he fancies black men. Going ahead with that would be disastrous for both of you, both spiritually and emotionally. Adultery is such a serious and damaging sin.
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Old 18th June 2016, 11:21 PM   #17
DeeDee
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

Raymond:

Our pastor has known us for several years, and he is very intuned with the congregation. He and another pastor came to our house last night and sat with both me and my husband. By the way, our pastor's name is Paul. The other pastor's name is Ray. Ray has struggled with homosexual attraction, himself. Ray explained to me and my husband that just because we are Christians, that doesn't mean we are not going to face temptations. Ray said that he is still attracted to other men but, by God's grace he has been able to overcome his temptations.

I told Ray that my husband being attracted to other men was not our biggest problem. Ray said he knew about my husband asking me to have sex with other men, and that was why his wife would be joining us. Ray said his wife was a few minutes behind him and Paul. Ray told me that he and his wife had been in that lifestyle, too. And it was the reason that pastor Paul had asked him and his wife, Tia, to speak with us.

Ray explained to me and my husband that the temptation to be with other men is a very strong temptation for both men and women, and he more than just understood how it can make you feel when you have sex with other men. Ray said he knew what he was doing was wrong but, how good it felt was the reason the temptation was so strong, and it wasn't just how good it felt physically. Ray told us that when he was with other men he was always the submissive one, the bottom. He said he never desired to have intercourse with other men but, for them to have intercourse with him.

I thanked Tia for all her input. And now I have a lot more to think about. I still feel lonely. And from what Tia told me, sex with other men could feel really, really good, if I let it happen. I prayed after I talked with Tia. I prayed to God for guidance. I prayed to God for his leadership. And I texted my husband and told him I love him. And yes, we have another meeting with pastor Paul this Tuesday.

Last edited by Raymond; 21st June 2016 at 10:11 AM.
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Old 20th June 2016, 08:04 PM   #18
chosen
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

satan is so good at deception and lies isnt he. Thank goodness they got out of that lifestyle. I cant imagine what having sex with so many men, many of whom were probably married, has done to her spirit because every time we have sex with someone a soul tie is made between us and that includes with all the people who they have ever had sex with as well. No wonder they are drawn back into doing it again, they need deliverance.
Did your husband have a good relationship with his father? Was he ever sexually abused as a child?
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Old 20th June 2016, 08:50 PM   #19
Raymond
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

All I know Dee Dee is that sex outside marriage is wrong. To me it sounds like what is coming across is that Tia had fabulous sex and is now giving it up for God and is tempted every day. Something is not adding up somehow. God invented sex and for it to be in marriage. It sounds to me like the spirit of lust is still in Tia is and needs to be thrown out. Jesus cast many spirits out of people and told us to do the same. We can have complete victory in Christ and have joy and amazing sex with our wives in marriage or vice versa for a wife.

Really I am surprised that Tia has not picked up a sexual disease or something worse. There is nothing to commend the lifestyle. It sounds like you could be winding me up with this couple who seem identical to you and your husband. The coincidence could be 500,000 to 1 for that to happen in a church I would have thought but I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Women who sleep around that much end up not knowing who they are as a bit of them has gone all over the place. From what I have read suicide is quite high amongst women like that.

In the Thyatira church in the book of Revelation they had a woman who called herself a prophetess who taught and seduced God's servants to commit sexual immorality. God gave her time to repent but she didn't. Jesus then said I will cast her into a bed of sickness and those who commit adultery with her into great tribulation unless they repent of their deeds. He said he would kill her children with death and all the churches shall know that I am He who searches the mind and hearts. And I will give to each one of you according to your works.

I am not threatening anyone just letting you know what God thinks of this lifestyle in the church. Don't envy it. It leads to death and loss not gain. Don't be deceived. If you play with fire you will get burned. Tia gritting her teeth not to be tempted is a far cry from the victory Christ can bring in our lives throught the Holy Spirit. Christ always gives us the victory in our lives if we truly want it even though we might go through some battles.
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Old 21st June 2016, 10:20 AM   #20
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

Dee Dee I have had to delete a lot of the graphic details of Tia's past adultery and how good she says it was. I don't think that should be kept on this site because it reads like pornography and I don't think it is glorifying to God in the way it says everthing was fabulous but now I am following God and have to bite my lip and suffer. That is certainly not what it is like for someone to know Christ and His victory in their lives and puts out a wrong message to readers.
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Old 22nd June 2016, 02:57 AM   #21
chosen
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

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Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Dee Dee I have had to delete a lot of the graphic details of Tia's past adultery and how good she says it was. I don't think that should be kept on this site because it reads like pornography and I don't think it is glorifying to God in the way it says everthing was fabulous but now I am following God and have to bite my lip and suffer. That is certainly not what it is like for someone to know Christ and His victory in their lives and puts out a wrong message to readers.
I so agree, you and she talking about the sex deedee is hardly going to help, dont feed the fire, stop asking more about it. Decide that its not an option. The fact that they were apparently Christians and yet thought it was ok for her to have sex with hundreds of men while he watched is beyond comprehension. Even compared to most atheists they were very immoral. The Bible is VERY strong on the utter seriousness of adultery and the terrible consequences it brings. They will have been spiritually very badly damaged and effected by what they did and need ministry and deliverance. She has had sex with many women's husbands and they with another mans wife, there are serious repurcussions to that the Bible says, no wonder they are both so messed up now.

if a woman finds out that she is married to a man who is only attracted to other men she has 2 choices. She either lives with him knowing this and possibly doesnt have sex, or she ends the marriage(which I am pretty sure that she is allowed to do being that the marriage was under deception) and sees if she can find a hetrosexual Christian man who will love her.

Many people live celibate lives, many Christian ladies cant find a husband because there are far more Christian ladies that men around, and they manage. Many married couples do as well for all sorts of reasons such as disabilities and illness.We dont die without sex, stop feeding these fantasies, your husband desperately needs to stop looking at porn,as a Christian there is no way he should be doing that, and again he is feeding the fire and not letting it die down.You both need to make you minds up whether you will follow God or not. You are playing with fire.

If you want to remain married, then pray. There are gay men who have had healing and restoration after ministry/deliverance and have actually gone on to have no same sex attraction. Some have even married women and had good marriages. If this doesnt happen then pray that you will be content in the marriage.

I cant comprehend ever having sex with another man ever, no matter what happened to my husband. If he got ill or whatever and couldnt have sex again then so what? Its not the end of the world. Marriage is about faithfulness and forsaking all others. Love is so much more than sex. The thought of sleeping with any old man, black or white, not knowing them at all, is just so appalling to me. That couple were so messed up and still are. The fact that she mentioned the size of her husbands genitals is also bad, so what if its not that big? So what if other men are bigger? Comparing our spouses to others is so destructive and damaging to that marriage. Marriage is FAR more than that.

Last edited by chosen; 22nd June 2016 at 11:15 PM.
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Old 22nd June 2016, 11:59 AM   #22
Raymond
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

I so agree. You have the right to divorce if you needed it Dee Dee because of his sexual immorality. If you didn't want to seperate then as Chosen says it is better to live in a no sex marriage than commit adultery. I think you were married under false pretences not knowing his sexual orientation and have the right to leave if you wanted. The scripture says it is better to marry than burn (in lust) and certainly better than adultery.
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Old 4th July 2016, 08:22 PM   #23
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

I met with pastor Paul after talking with Tia. And he told me that I am the only woman in my husband's life that he can be attracted to, and sexual with, without compromising his integrity. And I agree. He also said that he thought that meeting Tia and her husband would be helpful for us, considering they had been where we are looking. I told pastor Paul that my marriage means the world to me, and I don't want to divorce my husband. Pastor Paul reminded me that God hates divorce. And I said I know that.

I told pastor Paul that I had no intention of leaving my husband, and that I was committed to making this work, for both of us. Pastor Paul told me that me and my husband both have to be committed to making this work. And I agreed. Pastor Paul said that he commended me for staying committed to my marriage and not deciding to divorce. I told Pastor Paul that wasn't even an option. Pastor Paul told me that he could rightly say that he would be able to handle something like this as well as I had.

Since then my husband and I have talked, a lot. I believe my husband when he says that he has not had sex with other men since we have been together. And that says something to me. He values his faithfulness, even though he has his homosexual desires. And by asking me to have sex with other men, he was trying to make sure I was sexually satisfied, and he could stay faithful to me, even though his mind may be elsewhere. Although other people may see my husband's homosexual desires as wrong and against God, I see his faithfulness and desire to see me pleased as a strong point in our relationship.

In our sessions with pastor Paul, since our last one I spoke of, Pastor Paul has been helpful in providing scripture that defines how a marriage between a man and his wife should mirror that of God and the church. Although my husband married me, as a gay man, I have not felt that I had to forgive him. I don't feel he has betrayed me. I feel that he has betrayed himself, or denied himself, what he truly desires. Although I may not agree that adding other men to our marriage for sexual purposes is the right thing to do, I do feel blessed that my husband wants to fulfill his desires, with me.

Several women I have chatted with, in Christian chat rooms, have told me to leave my husband. I can't do that. I am still very much in love with him. It seems as unChristian to me to leave my husband for his desires as it would be to give in to them. Yet, I wonder why so many people opt for divorce rather than love. I may have the right to leave my husband but, I don't feel that giving up and moving on is the right thing to do, either. I agreed to the statement, "till death do us part." And neither of us had died a physical death.

Pastor Paul has not told me that I can/should leave my husband but, he has commended me for wanting to "stick it out." One woman I chatted with suggested we try toys. I told her that felt so fake to me but, she said it worked with her and her husband. And it increased their love for each other by being able to "play" together. Me and my husband have gone to a few stores that sell "adult" toys. And we bought a few. I have to admit that playing with toys has not been as bad as I thought it could be. And it has fostered sexual relations between me and my husband. We even had intercourse.

Pastor Paul knows of what we've been up to lately. And he says that it is better than me having sex with other men, or my husband having sex with other men. And I agree. For now, our new "toys" have enabled me and my husband to connect physically. And I see that as a very good sign.
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Old 5th July 2016, 12:24 PM   #24
Raymond
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

Well if you cannot leave him and it works for you Dee Dee it seems to be some sort of solution to you and I cannot speak against it. It is highly unusual but God gives grace when we look to him. I hope and pray that things really improve for you and your husband.
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Old 5th July 2016, 10:38 PM   #25
chosen
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

It maybe that the other women advised divorce rather than you having sex with lots of other men. As the lesser of 2 evils I can see where they were coming from.
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Old 10th September 2016, 09:22 PM   #26
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

We went to a Christian marriage conference. And we met another couple. We actually stayed at the same hotel as they did. We got to know each other pretty well. This couple is our age. And we clicked like we'd known each other for years. We talked about our marriages and that my husband wanted me to have sex with other men. The woman of the other couple told me that she had done that for her husband, and it was fun.

Long story short, we got to know each other more than I had thought we would. All four of us. And I have to say that afterward my husband and I talked like never before. It really opened up our line of communication. Am I ashamed that I was intimate with another man? I know I felt a bit guilty at first, but looking back, I think this was the first step to improving my relationship with my husband.

I know that to many this is not Christ's way. I also know that I have prayed on this for a long time. And I have to move forward from here.
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Old 11th September 2016, 10:25 AM   #27
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

everybody has their own way. you should find yours and not others !
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Old 12th September 2016, 10:13 AM   #28
Raymond
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeeDee View Post
We went to a Christian marriage conference. And we met another couple. We actually stayed at the same hotel as they did. We got to know each other pretty well. This couple is our age. And we clicked like we'd known each other for years. We talked about our marriages and that my husband wanted me to have sex with other men. The woman of the other couple told me that she had done that for her husband, and it was fun.

Long story short, we got to know each other more than I had thought we would. All four of us. And I have to say that afterward my husband and I talked like never before. It really opened up our line of communication. Am I ashamed that I was intimate with another man? I know I felt a bit guilty at first, but looking back, I think this was the first step to improving my relationship with my husband.

I know that to many this is not Christ's way. I also know that I have prayed on this for a long time. And I have to move forward from here.
I think you are a scammer Dee Dee. It is one thing looking for help, quite another to sing the praises of adultery on a christian marriage site. Quite a coincidence that you met another adulterous couple on a christian conference who also live in a swinging marriage. Really?
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Old 12th September 2016, 11:55 AM   #29
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

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I know that to many this is not Christ's way.
Yes, and I am one who knows it is not. It is not based on my knowledge, or my experience, or my own authority. It is based upon the never-changing Word of God.

Please, as you "move forward', don't be deceived that "swinging" is some kind of a mode to happiness and improved relationship. All Christian gatherings, clubs,
churches, organizations, ministries are made of people who are sinners saved by God's grace.

It is comforting, when we sin, to be alongside other sinners. To recognize that we are not alone in our plight.

If this were a path you should take, God would have said so in His word. Because He is interested in giving us the best and happiest possible lives.

Quote:
it was fun.
The story is often told of the glider pilot who is losing altitude over mountain and rocky terrain, when suddenly, he sees a seagull happily enjoying a thermal updraft.
He says to himself "...I'll follow that gull...he knows where the updrafts are....". Few moments later, he is following the gull, when the gull suddenly makes a 180- degree turn and starts flapping his wings feverishly.

That's one main reason people sin. It's fun. For the moment. Please make no mistake about it. This "fun" is going to result in devastation if it is continued.

Quote:
I think this was the first step to improving my relationship with my husband.
No, the "step" was YOUR ACTION in response to your guilt. Please don't be deceived that your adultery was any kind of a "step". The "step" is one you could have chosen to take regardless of adultery. Wouldn't it really have been better to have taken the "step" that way?

It's is important to put this behind you, yes. But as you put it away, take the full benefit of the pain and appropriate it to your future as a guide.

Last edited by TJW; 12th September 2016 at 12:11 PM.
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Old 12th September 2016, 03:32 PM   #30
chosen
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Re: Husband Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeeDee View Post
We went to a Christian marriage conference. And we met another couple. We actually stayed at the same hotel as they did. We got to know each other pretty well. This couple is our age. And we clicked like we'd known each other for years. We talked about our marriages and that my husband wanted me to have sex with other men. The woman of the other couple told me that she had done that for her husband, and it was fun.

Long story short, we got to know each other more than I had thought we would. All four of us. And I have to say that afterward my husband and I talked like never before. It really opened up our line of communication. Am I ashamed that I was intimate with another man? I know I felt a bit guilty at first, but looking back, I think this was the first step to improving my relationship with my husband.

I know that to many this is not Christ's way. I also know that I have prayed on this for a long time. And I have to move forward from here.
Wow, how sad that you have chosen to wrong path despite what God teaches us.
God clearly and roundly condemns adultery and you have just committed it. Assuming you are telling the truth, which I have begun to doubt, you will reap very bad consequences from this. Your marriage and Christian life will be badly affected.
If you don't want to follow God then fine, live how you like as so many do, but please don't pretend you are following God while acting so badly. Also please don't pretend that God has led you to do this because He never would ever. He hates adultery.

If you really are praying for an answer then look at his word. It says, 'Be faithful to your spouse, don't commit adultery, keep the marriage bed pure'. You have disobeyed them all.

The only way you can save this situation is to repent completely,(both of you), agree with God that adultery is a terribly damaging sin, and never do it again. Otherwise you are both on the slippery downward slope that's for sure.
To be honest a good and godly man would never ever put his own wife in such an awful sinful position, he would love and respect her far too much. Even if a man I was married to did that, I would never agree to something that God condemns, and I would have no respect at all for a man who thought so little of me and yet claimed he was following God!!

Last edited by chosen; 12th September 2016 at 03:43 PM.
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