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Old 24th August 2009, 08:28 AM   #16
Raymond
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

She obviously has a big problem that is going to surface in one way or the other. Keep praying for her. She may be born again but one has to appropriate what christ has done in our spirits.

It is difficult for you being left like that. You know what you have to do.

Raymond
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Old 8th September 2009, 04:12 AM   #17
coachchris
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

Well it has been 10 weeks and basically no contact. She continues to use my account for spending and my debit card for gas but still won't reach out the girls at all. She has met with the youngest only 2X in 2 months for lunch. She left a message today wishing him a good first day of school but that is it....I don't get it and I ask God daily what to do and what to expect. I find this so difficult. I am lonely and although I have four kids with me, I am still very lonely and tired. I know we will have to make some tough choices soon, but I guess way deep down I still long for a reconcilation but at the same time know it can't be this way.....I am confused.....
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Old 8th September 2009, 08:45 AM   #18
Raymond
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

I think you are going to have to think of cutting the support or at least limiting it. I'm talking here about the credit card etc. She isn't being a wife and I think cutting some financial support would be a reasonable thing to do. Besides it may shock her into self reflection. I don't think you should support the life style she has chosen. You have some rights and power to your hand.

If it is a generational thing she has to choose to be free of it. You can't do it to her without her being involved. Her will is involved. God cannot set us free if we don't want it. Perhaps if she is enjoying her sin she may need to come to the end of herself before she seeks answers. Cutting her support could help this process.

Raymond
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Old 10th September 2009, 02:44 AM   #19
coachchris
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

You were right Raymond. Within a day of cutting off the finances she was visiting a lawyer. It seems it has all come down to the money afterall. I am okay. At this point, I am seeing what she is all about....really difficult to understand but I am learning that there isn't always an answer to questions I have, at least not right away.
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Old 10th September 2009, 08:39 AM   #20
Raymond
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

A thing you said comes to mind when she said to her children it is not about you it is about him, meaning you. What did she mean by that? I assume you have been a good husband and she is the one with this thing in her.

I didn't see why you had to support this odd lifestyle of hers. Now it appears she may go for money through divorce. I find it hard to believe she is a christian.

Raymond
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Old 11th September 2009, 03:52 AM   #21
coachchris
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

she means that they remind her of me. Over the years she has grown apart from me. I have always felt that she was somehow gealous of me and rarely showed support in the things about me. I am a good father and husband. I often put them first, and told her and the kids frequently how blessed i was for our family. Yes, I am tired after work but I didn't sit around watching TV. I was a help mate to her and often showing my love. Yes, I was particular about how to raise the kids...discipline and things like that, and yes at times I could be very moody (after work I am exhausted), but I was never allowed to show the least amount of this...she was always more tired, or sick or something. I can't judge someone's heart but she would read the bible, participate in church life and witnessed to others for Christ but what has happened now has many thinking? Somene told me today that they saw signs of her "restless spirit" over the past year and wasn't completely surprised. Not sure what that meant but it is sure diffucult to comprehend.
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Old 11th September 2009, 08:44 AM   #22
Raymond
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Re: How to ensure the pain of a separation

Something could well have come down the line that she was never delivered of and just struggled on with. If I am right she will not be in a good place now and not herself, this other side getting the better of her. She could well end up back eventually but in a terrible state.

I was reading in a Derek Prince book the other day when he was visiting a church that he discerned a spirit of adultery on the church organist who was married. He couldn't believe it and questioned God but it turned out to be true. She was writing sensuous letters to others and had hidden liasons. After ministry she was delivered of it but it took a gift of the spirit to highlight it. She was living two lives. In her case that also came down the line.

I would just keep praying for her and asking God for the key. She may well need a lot of help. I struggled with things that had been passed on to my wife but she was open to help and got completely free.

Raymond
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