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Old 28th March 2015, 08:33 PM   #16
chosen
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Re: A bad few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
Yes it is the OW sister that is organising the party. The invite extends to my wife as well.
What is the OWs sister thinking?
Does she know about the attraction between you?
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Old 28th March 2015, 09:46 PM   #17
sambrooklands
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Re: A bad few days

Who knows....?
They are fairly close so I guess they swap stories as sisters do...
Thing is, there is a chance that the OW just sees me as a nice guy and nothing more? so hard to work all this out.
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Old 28th March 2015, 09:54 PM   #18
chosen
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Re: A bad few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
Who knows....?
They are fairly close so I guess they swap stories as sisters do...
Thing is, there is a chance that the OW just sees me as a nice guy and nothing more? so hard to work all this out.
Well yes thats possible of course. I think that generally men are not good at picking up that sort of thing, whereas most women would be able to tell pretty quickly if another woman was flirting with or interested in a man.
Whichever way, going to the party is surely not a good idea, unless you use it as a time to show the OW that you love you wife, be affectionate with your wife all evening, and make it crystal clear that you are not available.
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Old 29th March 2015, 03:04 PM   #19
sambrooklands
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Re: A bad few days

Just need to keep on with sticking to my principals and staying away as much as I can . A very testing time at the moment with our son, and my wife is struggling and tbh a nightmare to be around - however I can take it (for now). She really pushed me last night to tell her what was wrong with me (besides pressure with my job and our son). In the end I said I was feelinga lack of connection on the physical side of our marriage and it was hurting and concerning me. Safe to say this did not go down well and things frosty today. Apparantly I am selfish, only thinking of my own needs and subsequently put a 'missile' into our marriage. Ah well, here we go again....Better get the kids lunch sorted out (wife just on FB studying autism again) and finish the weeks ironing for myself and the kids. Early start tomorrow as on 8am flight.

What a wonderful life....
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Old 29th March 2015, 03:38 PM   #20
chosen
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Re: A bad few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
Just need to keep on with sticking to my principals and staying away as much as I can . A very testing time at the moment with our son, and my wife is struggling and tbh a nightmare to be around - however I can take it (for now). She really pushed me last night to tell her what was wrong with me (besides pressure with my job and our son). In the end I said I was feelinga lack of connection on the physical side of our marriage and it was hurting and concerning me. Safe to say this did not go down well and things frosty today. Apparantly I am selfish, only thinking of my own needs and subsequently put a 'missile' into our marriage. Ah well, here we go again....Better get the kids lunch sorted out (wife just on FB studying autism again) and finish the weeks ironing for myself and the kids. Early start tomorrow as on 8am flight.

What a wonderful life....
IT seem that the autism has become an obsession. She seems to be unable to see that the other members of the family also need nurturing and her time and attention. Its also sad that she refuses to let anyone else care for him, that is plain mad.
You may need to tell her or write her a letter saying that things cant go on as they are, that you are at the end of your tether, and making practical suggestions as to what can be done to help you both have time for each other again. She needs to know how desperate you and and that things cant go on this way.
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Old 29th March 2015, 04:08 PM   #21
defeated
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Re: A bad few days

Hi there
Really sorry to hear things are so tricky at the moment. Please read my earlier post in this thread - i take it you have already looked at the link.
You need help... counselling with your marriage, to make her understand that autism is taking over your whole lives... but also get a cleaner, you sound successful.... that financial outgoing will be small in comparison to the quality of life you'll get back!!!
Please read my earlier post, perhaps an au pair would help you all?
If you can consider going to this party with your wife, then even though i think it's a dangerous thing to do, knowing your feelings for the OW, then you have obviously come round to the idea of someone looking after your son??? You are definitely asking for trouble if you go this party alone.... messing your head up even further is not going to help anyone.
Good luck... go and do a workout, sounds like you need one!!!!
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Old 29th March 2015, 05:50 PM   #22
Lindentree1
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Re: A bad few days

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
It is hard to get away as our son is so demanding. My wife does not trust anyone else.
We moved a few years ago 500 miles away from my family, to live near my wifes family partly to help with our son, however she does not trust them to take care of him.....
I have a well paid job, so my wife does not work. As well as that, i do all the DIY, most of the housework, and most of the cooking as well, so I am always shattered. My wife has seen the doctor regarding bad PMT so maybe some treatment here may help with her energy levels.
I just can't get this OW out of my head. I know it is wrong, I know she is probably flirting and enjoying the sport of it all, but I have always been rubbish with women, and cannot read this situation at all. I find her fun, amusing, and can talk for ages with her. I kind of find her physically attractive too. She had been single for 10 years (same age as me, 40) and If I were single, or if my wife had forced me to leave last year as she did I would ask this ow on a date. I just want it to all stop. I bought my daughter a new bike this morning on the spur of the moment to help ease my guilt about all this. I am wanting someone i cant have, and who would probably be a disaster for me, but........


Quote:
Originally Posted by defeated View Post
Hi there
Really sorry to hear things are so tricky at the moment. Please read my earlier post in this thread - i take it you have already looked at the link.
You need help... counselling with your marriage, to make her understand that autism is taking over your whole lives... but also get a cleaner, you sound successful.... that financial outgoing will be small in comparison to the quality of life you'll get back!!!
Please read my earlier post, perhaps an au pair would help you all?
If you can consider going to this party with your wife, then even though i think it's a dangerous thing to do, knowing your feelings for the OW, then you have obviously come round to the idea of someone looking after your son??? You are definitely asking for trouble if you go this party alone.... messing your head up even further is not going to help anyone.
Good luck... go and do a workout, sounds like you need one!!!!
I agree with defeated. It's not a weakness to need help--it's a strength to ask for it when you need it. You said you make a good living--why not pay for a cleaner? It would take some of the stress off of you. You want to make it work with your wife--why not seek counseling?

if you're not proactive with issues in your life, your depression could come back in full force. You might want to take your problems in hand, and deal with them to your best ability so you know you've done your best. You have helped yourself before, you can do it again.

For your sake and the sake of your wife--leave that woman alone. Don't help her with her work, talk to her sister, talk to her. If you are attracted to her--run! No good can come of this--and you in your heart know this. You are not single. It's messing with your head--even if nothing would come of it. Before I met my husband I had deep feelings for a man that was not available to me. Nothing happened, but my heart was hurt. Once I realized my attraction I should have left the situation. I waited too long, and it was that much harder to leave at the end. I'm glad nothing happened, but I was still around this man longer than I should have been. It made my road more difficult. It's hard not to have feelings about someone when you're lonely, but I left him alone and worked on myself and found love with someone available.

Is it truly about this woman or are you really just seeking appreciation and attention because your wife's attention is on your son's autism?

You have significant challenges in your life--no doubt about that. A marriage without sex can be soul-crushing. Counseling might make your wife understand that. Don't you think it's worth a try? Will she go to counseling? If she won't go, are you seeing someone?

You deserve to be happy. You are worth taking care of yourself, and to take charge of your issues to the best of your ability.

Last edited by Lindentree1; 30th March 2015 at 12:54 AM.
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