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Old 28th March 2015, 12:25 AM   #1
Lola
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Thumbs down Not Sure What To Do

My husband and I both had jobs up until summer of last year when our contracts expired. My husband had a great job opportunity at a prison, he ended up turning it down because we decided to move in with his mom who had drug abuse issues. When we moved my husband got a part time job which lasted almost a month. The move went bad, it was a toxic place for the baby so we moved in with a friend, the stay was wearing out fast so we ended up moving in with my parents. My parents threw us out because he didn't find a job fast enough. When we moved with them in a different state I thought maybe he would find another job and he has yet to. He has been applying to jobs but nothing is coming in. I got a full time job and have been trying to pay our bills but it's a lot to juggle especially since we have been living out of our car now for a little more than two months. I see him making The efforts to get a job but I also see that he could try harder and I see him making excuses sometimes. For most of our child's life they have been homeless and I think I am falling apart from him emotionally recently. I feel bad for this and I still do love him and would never want to hurt him but I feel my son needs better than being homeless. Am I wrong for how I feel, one side of me wants to wait it out and give him more time and benefit of the doubt but the other part of me wants to move on. What do you guys think?
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Old 28th March 2015, 12:30 AM   #2
Lola
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Also its been a year since he's worked other than the one part time 1 month job, so I am pretty concerned he might not get another one soon.
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Old 28th March 2015, 04:52 AM   #3
chosen
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Lola, I am British and there is no way that my country would let any family with children be homeless. Have you tried to get govt help? Wont you wages cover rent for a small place?
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Old 28th March 2015, 11:16 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

I think Lola is in the US Chosen where you have more rich but also more poor.

I don't think we can answer you question Lola as to whether you separate from your husband or not. As to whether he is not trying hard enough or enough only you can tell but he is at least trying to get work. Can you not get any social security or support from your state where you are?
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Old 28th March 2015, 01:26 PM   #5
chosen
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Yes but surely a family with children would be given temporary accommodation? One advantage of the usa is that their rents are way cheaper then here and on a full time wage there must surely be a small apartment for rent?
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Old 28th March 2015, 06:37 PM   #6
Lola
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

We are receiving food stamps and temporary cash assistance but it's not enough to cover rent, I can find a cheap place to stay and out off some bills temporarily but my credit score is very bad from the situation that every time we have tried to get an apartment we are denied. They make us pay a processing fee most places and no refunds so we are loosing out on our money. I asked him if he had applied anywhere yesterday to which his reply was no, I am tired of applying and getting nowhere. I don't know when the last time he put one in was.
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Old 28th March 2015, 07:10 PM   #7
Lindentree1
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lola View Post
We are receiving food stamps and temporary cash assistance but it's not enough to cover rent, I can find a cheap place to stay and out off some bills temporarily but my credit score is very bad from the situation that every time we have tried to get an apartment we are denied. They make us pay a processing fee most places and no refunds so we are loosing out on our money. I asked him if he had applied anywhere yesterday to which his reply was no, I am tired of applying and getting nowhere. I don't know when the last time he put one in was.
They have homeless shelters in the U.S. Can you go to a homeless shelter? They also may have resources to help get you on your feet. It's got to be better than living in your car.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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Old 28th March 2015, 07:11 PM   #8
chosen
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lola View Post
We are receiving food stamps and temporary cash assistance but it's not enough to cover rent, I can find a cheap place to stay and out off some bills temporarily but my credit score is very bad from the situation that every time we have tried to get an apartment we are denied. They make us pay a processing fee most places and no refunds so we are loosing out on our money. I asked him if he had applied anywhere yesterday to which his reply was no, I am tired of applying and getting nowhere. I don't know when the last time he put one in was.
Dont the govt help with temporary housing if you have small children?

Honestly I cant believe that your own parents threw you out with their own grandchildren. Sometimes people make me so mad.
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Old 28th March 2015, 07:58 PM   #9
Lindentree1
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

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Originally Posted by chosen View Post
Dont the govt help with temporary housing if you have small children?

Honestly I cant believe that your own parents threw you out with their own grandchildren. Sometimes people make me so mad.
They do have subsidized housing here if your income meets a certain level. The rent would be greatly reduced. It's called Section 8 in some places. I would think her state has subsidized housing.

Sometimes you can turn to churches for help.

It can be hard to get help here. It can be a struggle.

But living in a homeless shelter temporarily is better than living in a car. Multiple people/families live in shelters, but they would probably have their own room.
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Old 28th March 2015, 08:29 PM   #10
chosen
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
They do have subsidized housing here if your income meets a certain level. The rent would be greatly reduced. It's called Section 8 in some places. I would think her state has subsidized housing.

Sometimes you can turn to churches for help.

It can be hard to get help here. It can be a struggle.

But living in a homeless shelter temporarily is better than living in a car. Multiple people/families live in shelters, but they would probably have their own room.
As you say its far better than living in a car. Lola is working full time as far as I can tell, so they may be able to afford a rent in the subsidised housing.
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Old 28th March 2015, 10:35 PM   #11
Lola
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

I have looked into subsidized housing where I am and the wait list is not open until July of this year. I have been calling for shelters and they say they are full of people, I tell them that I have a baby and they take my information down and it always sounds promising. I call back all day and because I have a car it seems they never say they have rooms available.
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Old 28th March 2015, 11:20 PM   #12
chosen
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lola View Post
I have looked into subsidized housing where I am and the wait list is not open until July of this year. I have been calling for shelters and they say they are full of people, I tell them that I have a baby and they take my information down and it always sounds promising. I call back all day and because I have a car it seems they never say they have rooms available.
Have you been to govt depts?
How about contacting some churches? Someone there may have room at least for you and the baby. Tell me, how do you shower and wash clothes and cook? Where do you all sleep in the car?
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Old 28th March 2015, 11:38 PM   #13
Lindentree1
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

It's too hard to make a decision about your marriage in your current position. I think that needs to be dealt with first. You have an understandable amount of stress right now.

If there is no one to move in with, I would recommend going to a pastor or priest and ask for help. Even if you don't know them--that doesn't matter. Tell the pastor that the shelters are not letting you in. Tell him/her the situation is dire and you have a baby. Have the pastor call the shelters. The pastor will most likely be able to get you in somewhere. He/she will want to help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. They are trained to help people, and they might know someone at the shelters and actually get you in. Or at least have another idea, if all else fails...

Your baby is the priority right now, as you already know. Please keep us up to date. You deserve more than what you have now. You're a hard worker, and you care about your family. Keep reaching out, Lola. Someone will eventually help you. I hope very soon.

Last edited by Lindentree1; 28th March 2015 at 11:43 PM.
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Old 29th March 2015, 12:42 AM   #14
chosen
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

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Originally Posted by Lindentree1 View Post
It's too hard to make a decision about your marriage in your current position. I think that needs to be dealt with first. You have an understandable amount of stress right now.

If there is no one to move in with, I would recommend going to a pastor or priest and ask for help. Even if you don't know them--that doesn't matter. Tell the pastor that the shelters are not letting you in. Tell him/her the situation is dire and you have a baby. Have the pastor call the shelters. The pastor will most likely be able to get you in somewhere. He/she will want to help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. They are trained to help people, and they might know someone at the shelters and actually get you in. Or at least have another idea, if all else fails...

Your baby is the priority right now, as you already know. Please keep us up to date. You deserve more than what you have now. You're a hard worker, and you care about your family. Keep reaching out, Lola. Someone will eventually help you. I hope very soon.
Yes I agree with this. if I was living in a car with small children, my only concern would be to get them a place to live. Dealing with the marriage can come later.
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Old 30th March 2015, 03:20 AM   #15
Lola
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Re: Not Sure What To Do

Thank you Lindentree1, I will a church, hopefully I get some help. For laundry we get a hotel room every once and a while and use the bathtub to handwash our clothes and let them dry overnight. We don't cook we get food at Walmart with food stamps or use the dollar menu at Mcdonalds. We all sleep in the car. We have a gym membership that isn't much per month so we can shower regularly.
Thank you all for your support, like youve said it's been a lot of stress and a lot of people would probably judge so I do appreciate all of the help and support.
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