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Old 1st January 2018, 11:54 AM   #1
gregsoleman
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1
Wife wanting to be watched

My wife and I have been married for 12 years and we still love each other very much, but I'm worried about the direction our sex life is taking.
Two years ago I agreed to her having a "friend" because her sex drive is (and always has been) much higher than mine and I just couldn't seem to satisfy her, no matter what I did. We tried everything from Viagra to counselling, sex toys and even Tantra techniques but in the end we both had to admit defeat and recognise that the excitement had simply gone out of our physical relationship, we could "do it" but it just wasn't a fulfilling activity for either of us (especially her). For the sake of the kids and also because we still felt affection for each other, rather than breaking the marriage we talked about the option of opening it up. I said I wasn't personally interested in seeing other people but I gave her my blessing to find herself a sex buddy as long as the sex was done safely, away from our home and strictly for physical satisfaction.
Two years on, the buddies are now two, one of whom visits once a week (though they don't use our bedroom). She insisted it had to be in our home because of his personal situation. I also know the sex isn't safe (at least with one of them) though she is 100% confident that he doesn't see other women. I am not so sure myself.
I have accepted all of this because I can see how much happier it makes her. I also feel relieved from the awful pressure of trying to satisfy her, which was tearing me apart. We still have sex occasionally and in a way it's more enjoyable for me, because I can relax knowing that if I can't make her climax as many times or as strongly as she craves, she'll get her fix the next day from one of the other guys. Most people won't understand or approve our arrangement, but it works for us and it's kept us together, whereas other relationships fall apart once the sex stops working. I also know it's not the "Christian" thing to do and this is a Christian forum after all, but to be honest, though our two kids are baptised as catholic, we are not really religious and we don't frequent church, so that side of things doesn't really concern us at all.
My only real worry (and the reason I'm here) is that lately she seems to have got a taste for humiliating me. She likes to tease me when we are having sex by describing what the other guys do to her and how they make her ***. I thought it was just a harmless way for her to get aroused and keep things going so I let it carry on, but over the last few months it's got much more frequent and more extreme. She clearly has some sort of fetish for domination or whatever, I don't necessarily have a problem with that but she's now suggesting that she'd like me to watch her with David (the guy who visits once a week) and I'm really not sure if I'm ready for that. I can see she really wants this and I know lots of couples do this sort of thing (I've seen plenty of "cuckolding" videos online, though many don't look genuine to me) but I'm not sure I can bring myself to see my wife riding another man. It's one thing imagining it, another thing altogether to actually witness it. As I understand it, the sex she has with her buddies is much wilder than anything we do, she may be exaggerating things to some degree, but what if she isn't? Even if only half of the things she describes actually happen, it could completely destroy my confidence and then I'd never be able to get it up with her.
Or maybe it could be fun, I just don't know... All I now is, she won't stop going on about it, so one way or another I need to make a decision: either I say yes and live with the consequences, or I say no and then she'll resent me for allowing her to fantasize about this scenario to the point where it seems so real to her, but she can't actually put it into practice. I know this will frustrate her immensely and it could potentially threaten the balance we seem to have found, which is working so well.
Has anyone here got experience of this sort of scenario and if so could you give me some pointers? As in, which rules to lay, what to allow, what to avoid, that sort of thing?
I'm not here to be judged so please keep the abuse to a minimum, though I fully expect that some people here will attack me for allowing our marriage to become promiscuous and in a way letting my wife walk all over me. So be it, I'll just ignore those comments and respond to the constructive ones - if there are any. Thanks.
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Old 8th January 2018, 02:59 AM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,790
Re: Wife wanting to be watched

greg, this is a total mess. Once you allow adultery into a marriage things will go downhill, as has happened, and now she is treating you appallingly and completely disrespectfully. You claim that its better for the children for you to stay together this way, but what she is doing and how she is treating you is very harmful for them. What sort of example is their mother setting them? Where are her moral values, her integrity? Is this how you want your daughter to act when she is older? Or your son?
Honestly this marriage would be far better to be over. If she isnt going to treat you with any respect or be faithful to you then what is left? Now she is pressuring you to watch them????That is terrible.
She clearly has no respect for you left at all, the children will pick that up, and they will find out about the other men if they don't know already. Also are either of them married? As for allowing her to have sex with them in your house, where is your self respect? Do you not have any boundaries at all?What about STD's? Have you been tested for them because you need to be asap. I know people who were given cancer by STd's their partner gave them while cheating.

This isn't all about my faith, most non believers I know would never allow this to happen in their marriage. You have let her walk all over you and act terribly. I would fear for my children in your position.
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Old 27th January 2018, 05:23 PM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Wife wanting to be watched

I agree. I can only see it getting worse. I suspect she has been reading up on this type of thing and it has got into her psyche. Maybe she even planned for this to happen? Sex is very important and should only be between the spouses not third partys.
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Old 15th May 2018, 12:11 PM   #4
blendflush
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 41
Re: Wife wanting to be watched

Obviously, respect is gone in the relationship. Such action must not be tolerated.
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Old 22nd May 2018, 03:39 PM   #5
Ralf Garnet
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 7
Re: Wife wanting to be watched

Greg,dont go there marriage is a life time commitment, that means you only sleep with each other, you are both heading to a very unhappy end, stop it now and work on your marriage before its too late.
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