It sounds to me as if she has "moved on" emotionally to another man. It sounds also like
this was at least transitional back before your deployment.
Not wanting a divorce is absolutely not the same thing as wanting your marriage. "can't predict the future" is a cop-out. While no one is guaranteed tomorrow, we promise each other in marriage that we will "be there" and that we will "forsake all others". We cannot
"predict" things which are not under our control, however, we can "predict" our choices.
This is her way of informing you that she doesn't intend to "be there" where you are concerned. She may be afraid of a divorce financially, getting her RN should help that considerably, as well as helping you get out of it without spousal support. Of course, you will have to support your children.
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you" is the classic line of the adulterer.
My advice is this. You need to lay down the law. She STOPS seeing the other man for any reason, NOW, and FOREVER, and comes back to you and honors the promises she made when she became your wife. If she is unwilling to do this, then you have no more reason for confusion, your marriage is over. Divorce is nothing but a legal formality, the marriage has already ended.
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She had mentioned before about separating but insisted she didn't want a divorce.
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There is a term for this, "cake-eating". To translate this statement, she wants to have free rein to see her paramour while you continue to support her financially and be her built-in babysitter.
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I just feel we have no foundation now.
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You are correct. Your foundation is broken. I am not saying it can't be mended, but it will take time, professional help, and lots of communication between you two.
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I told I was sorry for not appreciating the things I took for granted(Cleaning house ect).
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Yes, there will come a time when apologies for the things you did to cause marital troubles are appropriate. However, please recognize that your actions did not cause her adultery. That is 100% "on her". Those are HER CHOICES, just like your choice to text the other female.
Yes, you may have indeed, and with good reason, felt disrespected by her. That is the reason people commit adultery. Disrespect. So, you received the message she sent loud and clear.
Your wife knew you were in the military and would be deployed for long periods of time. You were in the military when you met her. Nothing has changed. She has no excuses to do what she is doing, it is simply borne of selfishness and sin. She has chosen, as did you, to go outside her marriage for her "strokes".