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20th March 2016, 05:38 PM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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I really messed up...need help
My wife and I have been married for about 2 years. We've had our share of ups and downs and have separated several times. The last separation resulted in my wife completely leaving the house and moving into an apartment. We were separated for about 3 months before we were able to reconcile and move back in together. We found out that we were expecting in January. Last week, during a very intense argument I told my wife, that I hope she loses the baby during a very bad fight. She has since left and refuses to speak to me. She told me via text that we are done. I am so hurt and disappointed in myself. I miss my wife like crazy and need help.
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20th March 2016, 05:40 PM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really messed up...need help
What are the issues that cause all this?Separating so many times in only 2 years is very extreme and speak of a lack of commitment.
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20th March 2016, 05:56 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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Re: I really messed up...need help
For this last issue, I was frustrated with the lack of sex. We were trying to talk out the issue but the conversation was not going in a positive direction. The argument took a turn for the worse and I uttered those awful words.
We separated so many times due to mainly communication issues and fear. I pushed her away all those times because the fear of losing her caused me to act out in a terrible way. She has her issues as well but as the man, I was supposed to be better.
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20th March 2016, 10:16 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really messed up...need help
No you arent supposed to be better, you are both responsible for you own issues. It sounds as if you will need some long term marriage counseling. but she would need to agree to that. Maybe when she has calmed down she will.
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21st March 2016, 01:27 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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Re: I really messed up...need help
I would definitely be open to that. She ended up calling me and I forming me of her intent on filing for divorce. She's very hurt and upset...I'm trying to hold it all together.
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21st March 2016, 03:45 PM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really messed up...need help
Well that is very drastic isnt it, but it seems that the marriage has never been committed nor stable from the start.
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21st March 2016, 05:12 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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Re: I really messed up...need help
We've encountered several problems since we've been together and we were able to battle back each time with prayer and committment. I'm hoping our love and the good times we had along with the improvements we have enough made overshadows this last issue. They say for better or for worse for a reason and I'm hoping we can get things back right. I'm totally against divorce.
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21st March 2016, 08:28 PM
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#8
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: I really messed up...need help
I think you have the right idea but are obviously going through problems just now. Hopefully with God's help you will get through. I was pretty shocked at what you said about the baby. I know you would have apologised to your wife but I think you need to repent to God as well because words can be dangerous and those words need to be taken back so that they are not an inadvertent curse.
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21st March 2016, 08:43 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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Re: I really messed up...need help
Absolutely. I've begged for God's forgiveness and I would be completely devastated of something like that occurred. I used very poor judgment and I'm sincerely remorseful.
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21st March 2016, 10:16 PM
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#10
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: I really messed up...need help
I can see that you have repented and God has forgiven you. Just believe it and receive it. Don't let the enemy bring condemnation on you now you are forgiven.
You need to fix things horizontally as well so to speak so in light of God's forgiveness and presumably your wife's it is a good thing to pray together and speak blessing on your baby. I am learning that some damage can happen even before we are born.
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22nd March 2016, 08:23 AM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really messed up...need help
If she is a Christian then I have no idea why she thinks she is free to end the marriage Biblically. Could your pastor intervene and talk to you both together? Get your friends to pray and give it time.
Its troubling that you have already separated several times. Did she leave you each time? it just seems that she runs away(presumably to her mum) each time there is a problem which we are told not to do. Marriage means being committed and she has shown very little commitment or staying power.
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22nd March 2016, 12:00 PM
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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Re: I really messed up...need help
You nailed it on the head Chosen! Each time we separated, she was the one to leave. Now granted, I did some things and we've had our issues but she's always felt it was okay for her to leave. I've never cheated and I've never beat her. We have terrible arguments that results in breakups. She's a Christian and was brought up in a Christian home...we haven't joined a church since we've moved so getting a pastor involved will be all on me for myself. I think one issue that I always dealt with was living in fear that she would leave...I can't honestly say that I felt 100% confidence in her commitment to me. That doesn't excuse me from getting so mad that I utter terrible despicable words but it has to be realized that my feelings was part of the problem. I really appreciate you all taking time to talk to me. She sent me an email reinforcing her intent on filing for divorce. She also said that she's done all she can do and has no more to give.
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22nd March 2016, 12:01 PM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 31
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Re: I really messed up...need help
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
I can see that you have repented and God has forgiven you. Just believe it and receive it. Don't let the enemy bring condemnation on you now you are forgiven.
You need to fix things horizontally as well so to speak so in light of God's forgiveness and presumably your wife's it is a good thing to pray together and speak blessing on your baby. I am learning that some damage can happen even before we are born.
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You are right and I'm praying for not only her ability to forgive but for my words to not be a sword on our unborn child. I regret my actions so very much.
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23rd March 2016, 09:55 AM
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#14
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: I really messed up...need help
God has forgiven you MCS I hope she can too.
We cannot really talk to the other half on here only to you. My thought is use the scripture love your enemies. I have actually has to use that scripture at the start of my marriage. Love has to be rekindled somewhere. It worked in the end. The scripture particularly tells husbands to love their wives. I leave that challenge with you. Try to get some fellowship if you can.
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23rd March 2016, 01:52 PM
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: I really messed up...need help
Dont do anything that will enable that divorce. Dont sign anything. Make it clear that you wont go along with it and thats its wrong.
1 corinthians 7 v 9-10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
Find a good church and get some support and prayer for the situation.
I am not surprised that you felt she wasnt committed, because she wasnt. Running away each time there are problems makes for a very insecure spouse. I am guessing that she is pretty immature and leans heavily on her parents.
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