Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  

Go Back   2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums > Advice > Marriage Help

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th March 2015, 12:18 PM   #76
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Exactly what I was thinking. My wife has more time to do the things that she likes since the children grew up. Why break the marriage up?
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2015, 04:54 PM   #77
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Exactly what I was thinking. My wife has more time to do the things that she likes since the children grew up. Why break the marriage up?
I know, it makes perfect sense to me that we were getting to a point where I could have focussed more on her and our marriage but alas it appears that I am too late....heart breaking!
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2015, 06:37 PM   #78
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563 View Post
I know, it makes perfect sense to me that we were getting to a point where I could have focussed more on her and our marriage but alas it appears that I am too late....heart breaking!
Interestingly, my WAW is just realising how much freedom she had when I was there. Now that I'm gone she has way less freedom than she used to enjoy.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th March 2015, 10:39 PM   #79
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
Interestingly, my WAW is just realising how much freedom she had when I was there. Now that I'm gone she has way less freedom than she used to enjoy.
Hmm, I think that this will be the case for my OH too because I really didn't stop her doing anything that she wanted to do. I am a bit worried that she will overly rely on our 16 daughter to baby sit the younger two so that she can still pursue her interests if I leave.
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 11:57 AM   #80
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563 View Post
Hmm, I think that this will be the case for my OH too because I really didn't stop her doing anything that she wanted to do. I am a bit worried that she will overly rely on our 16 daughter to baby sit the younger two so that she can still pursue her interests if I leave.
That's a tough one.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 01:37 PM   #81
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
That's a tough one.
Tell me about it, but I think if I say that to her it will be fireworks! She is obviously going to want to get out and socialise now and although it will be hard for me I get it. But she has to focus on the kids as much as possible because they are going to be feeling very vulnerable and hurt as well and I just hope she doesn't put her own freedom before their feelings.
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 02:34 PM   #82
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

An update on my situation is that I had a terrible night. Although my OH is still adamant that we are beyond repair we have had a couple of good days on the talking front. It has been nothing heavy just nice and friendly talking about how we are both doing and things going on in our lives etc. Probably giving me a bit of hope that all is not lost.

After being at work on my own all day yesterday I was looking forward to another pleasant evening together. We were having a nice take away with the kids and decided to have a few drinks as well, not much, but enough to cause me to feel bad and miserable with the prospects of my life without her. After watching her play with her phone periodically all night which just makes me feel so miserable even though I believe she is not doing anything dodgy. I just feel so neglected and disappointed that she wouldn't rather put that effort into us so I decided to go to bed a bit early as I was working early again today but as usual when I get to bed I can't sleep. OH comes up to bed shortly after me and we talk a bit before she drifts off to sleep leaving me wide awake and going over everything in my head. Clear thinking and alcohol just don't mix and it felt like I didn't sleep much and when I did I was subjected to cruel dreams of her and the kids not wanting me and other men in her life etc etc .... pretty upsetting and distressing to the point that I woke myself up crying at one point. So much for the showing her that I am strong and not being needy because it woke her up as well. After asking me what is wrong I just broke down even more and told her how much I am hurting inside, how much I miss her and the little things like cuddling and hand holding and how I feel I have no prospects for a happy life after all of this, and how I can't live without her ... basically everything that is not good and the things she doesn't want to hear! It transpires that she has told a couple of her friends about our situation and this made me feel even worse that if she is telling her friends then she must really mean it and I have no chance of reconciliation! And still living together and sleeping in the same bed together is so hard and I am sure just makes me feel worse combined with the fact that I have not really got anyone to talk to about it. It feels slightly normal but not if you know what I mean!
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 02:45 PM   #83
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563 View Post
An update on my situation is that I had a terrible night. Although my OH is still adamant that we are beyond repair we have had a couple of good days on the talking front. It has been nothing heavy just nice and friendly talking about how we are both doing and things going on in our lives etc. Probably giving me a bit of hope that all is not lost.

After being at work on my own all day yesterday I was looking forward to another pleasant evening together. We were having a nice take away with the kids and decided to have a few drinks as well, not much, but enough to cause me to feel bad and miserable with the prospects of my life without her. After watching her play with her phone periodically all night which just makes me feel so miserable even though I believe she is not doing anything dodgy. I just feel so neglected and disappointed that she wouldn't rather put that effort into us so I decided to go to bed a bit early as I was working early again today but as usual when I get to bed I can't sleep. OH comes up to bed shortly after me and we talk a bit before she drifts off to sleep leaving me wide awake and going over everything in my head. Clear thinking and alcohol just don't mix and it felt like I didn't sleep much and when I did I was subjected to cruel dreams of her and the kids not wanting me and other men in her life etc etc .... pretty upsetting and distressing to the point that I woke myself up crying at one point. So much for the showing her that I am strong and not being needy because it woke her up as well. After asking me what is wrong I just broke down even more and told her how much I am hurting inside, how much I miss her and the little things like cuddling and hand holding and how I feel I have no prospects for a happy life after all of this, and how I can't live without her ... basically everything that is not good and the things she doesn't want to hear! It transpires that she has told a couple of her friends about our situation and this made me feel even worse that if she is telling her friends then she must really mean it and I have no chance of reconciliation! And still living together and sleeping in the same bed together is so hard and I am sure just makes me feel worse combined with the fact that I have not really got anyone to talk to about it. It feels slightly normal but not if you know what I mean!
So first off, you had a bad night. Just get back on plan. We all have set backs. It's no big deal. Second, remember the first rule for us LBS's. Believe none of what you hear. My WAW told me yesterday she wasn't having an affair because we are separated. Can you believe that cr*p? And at least you and your wife are still talking. My WAW can only fight with me at the moment and the best thing to do there is just walk away.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 04:57 PM   #84
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
So first off, you had a bad night. Just get back on plan. We all have set backs. It's no big deal. Second, remember the first rule for us LBS's. Believe none of what you hear. My WAW told me yesterday she wasn't having an affair because we are separated. Can you believe that cr*p? And at least you and your wife are still talking. My WAW can only fight with me at the moment and the best thing to do there is just walk away.
Yep I know, I have just got to take my own advice and take it one day at a time and not expect too much. I am definitely staying away from the alcohol as that does not help my feelings. I know we are still talking and fairly amicable but I feel that it is somehow making things worse for me though. I could perhaps deal with it a bit better if there was a definite reason that she was behaving like this!

It must be really difficult for you with your situation and is quite unbelievable for the WAW to think that it is not an affair because you are separated. You sound like you are having a tough time with your arrangements with your son as well and I hope that you get that situation sorted and stay calm for his sake as well as yours!
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 05:06 PM   #85
chosen
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563 View Post
Yep I know, I have just got to take my own advice and take it one day at a time and not expect too much. I am definitely staying away from the alcohol as that does not help my feelings. I know we are still talking and fairly amicable but I feel that it is somehow making things worse for me though. I could perhaps deal with it a bit better if there was a definite reason that she was behaving like this!

It must be really difficult for you with your situation and is quite unbelievable for the WAW to think that it is not an affair because you are separated. You sound like you are having a tough time with your arrangements with your son as well and I hope that you get that situation sorted and stay calm for his sake as well as yours!
I have never known alcohol cause anything but problems, dont go there.
chosen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 05:20 PM   #86
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563 View Post
Yep I know, I have just got to take my own advice and take it one day at a time and not expect too much. I am definitely staying away from the alcohol as that does not help my feelings. I know we are still talking and fairly amicable but I feel that it is somehow making things worse for me though. I could perhaps deal with it a bit better if there was a definite reason that she was behaving like this!

It must be really difficult for you with your situation and is quite unbelievable for the WAW to think that it is not an affair because you are separated. You sound like you are having a tough time with your arrangements with your son as well and I hope that you get that situation sorted and stay calm for his sake as well as yours!
It is tough mate. Thanks for the concern. We have the mediators on Tuesday so hopefully that'll help.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th March 2015, 09:51 PM   #87
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I have never known alcohol cause anything but problems, dont go there.
Yep I know that now but sometimes the urge for a little drink was too great to resist!! I'm am learning though and each bad experience will make me wiser and stronger!
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th March 2015, 04:22 PM   #88
notDoneYet
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
I have never known alcohol cause anything but problems, dont go there.
As this was apparently a large part of my contribution to the breakdown of my marriage I would have to agree.
notDoneYet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th March 2015, 05:39 PM   #89
sambrooklands
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 55
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

All I can so echo the responses above. Alcohol only makes thing worse. Every time. This is just a minor setback and you will recover from it. As you say, stick to the plan.
It seems like you are really learning alot about yourself on this journey and it will make you a better and stronger person in the process. Hang on in there.
sambrooklands is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 9th March 2015, 09:21 PM   #90
N654563
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split

Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands View Post
All I can so echo the responses above. Alcohol only makes thing worse. Every time. This is just a minor setback and you will recover from it. As you say, stick to the plan.
It seems like you are really learning alot about yourself on this journey and it will make you a better and stronger person in the process. Hang on in there.
Thanks, I am learning a lot about myself. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I just wish that I could have acknowledged and tried to address my shortcomings sooner and avoided all this pain.
N654563 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer