Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre
Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services
Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us
|
|
|
7th March 2015, 12:18 PM
|
#76
|
Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Exactly what I was thinking. My wife has more time to do the things that she likes since the children grew up. Why break the marriage up?
|
|
|
7th March 2015, 04:54 PM
|
#77
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
Exactly what I was thinking. My wife has more time to do the things that she likes since the children grew up. Why break the marriage up?
|
I know, it makes perfect sense to me that we were getting to a point where I could have focussed more on her and our marriage but alas it appears that I am too late....heart breaking!
|
|
|
7th March 2015, 06:37 PM
|
#78
|
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563
I know, it makes perfect sense to me that we were getting to a point where I could have focussed more on her and our marriage but alas it appears that I am too late....heart breaking!
|
Interestingly, my WAW is just realising how much freedom she had when I was there. Now that I'm gone she has way less freedom than she used to enjoy.
|
|
|
7th March 2015, 10:39 PM
|
#79
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet
Interestingly, my WAW is just realising how much freedom she had when I was there. Now that I'm gone she has way less freedom than she used to enjoy.
|
Hmm, I think that this will be the case for my OH too because I really didn't stop her doing anything that she wanted to do. I am a bit worried that she will overly rely on our 16 daughter to baby sit the younger two so that she can still pursue her interests if I leave.
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 11:57 AM
|
#80
|
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563
Hmm, I think that this will be the case for my OH too because I really didn't stop her doing anything that she wanted to do. I am a bit worried that she will overly rely on our 16 daughter to baby sit the younger two so that she can still pursue her interests if I leave.
|
That's a tough one.
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 01:37 PM
|
#81
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet
That's a tough one.
|
Tell me about it, but I think if I say that to her it will be fireworks! She is obviously going to want to get out and socialise now and although it will be hard for me I get it. But she has to focus on the kids as much as possible because they are going to be feeling very vulnerable and hurt as well and I just hope she doesn't put her own freedom before their feelings.
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 02:34 PM
|
#82
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
An update on my situation is that I had a terrible night. Although my OH is still adamant that we are beyond repair we have had a couple of good days on the talking front. It has been nothing heavy just nice and friendly talking about how we are both doing and things going on in our lives etc. Probably giving me a bit of hope that all is not lost.
After being at work on my own all day yesterday I was looking forward to another pleasant evening together. We were having a nice take away with the kids and decided to have a few drinks as well, not much, but enough to cause me to feel bad and miserable with the prospects of my life without her. After watching her play with her phone periodically all night which just makes me feel so miserable even though I believe she is not doing anything dodgy. I just feel so neglected and disappointed that she wouldn't rather put that effort into us so I decided to go to bed a bit early as I was working early again today but as usual when I get to bed I can't sleep. OH comes up to bed shortly after me and we talk a bit before she drifts off to sleep leaving me wide awake and going over everything in my head. Clear thinking and alcohol just don't mix and it felt like I didn't sleep much and when I did I was subjected to cruel dreams of her and the kids not wanting me and other men in her life etc etc .... pretty upsetting and distressing to the point that I woke myself up crying at one point. So much for the showing her that I am strong and not being needy because it woke her up as well. After asking me what is wrong I just broke down even more and told her how much I am hurting inside, how much I miss her and the little things like cuddling and hand holding and how I feel I have no prospects for a happy life after all of this, and how I can't live without her ... basically everything that is not good and the things she doesn't want to hear! It transpires that she has told a couple of her friends about our situation and this made me feel even worse that if she is telling her friends then she must really mean it and I have no chance of reconciliation! And still living together and sleeping in the same bed together is so hard and I am sure just makes me feel worse combined with the fact that I have not really got anyone to talk to about it. It feels slightly normal but not if you know what I mean!
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 02:45 PM
|
#83
|
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563
An update on my situation is that I had a terrible night. Although my OH is still adamant that we are beyond repair we have had a couple of good days on the talking front. It has been nothing heavy just nice and friendly talking about how we are both doing and things going on in our lives etc. Probably giving me a bit of hope that all is not lost.
After being at work on my own all day yesterday I was looking forward to another pleasant evening together. We were having a nice take away with the kids and decided to have a few drinks as well, not much, but enough to cause me to feel bad and miserable with the prospects of my life without her. After watching her play with her phone periodically all night which just makes me feel so miserable even though I believe she is not doing anything dodgy. I just feel so neglected and disappointed that she wouldn't rather put that effort into us so I decided to go to bed a bit early as I was working early again today but as usual when I get to bed I can't sleep. OH comes up to bed shortly after me and we talk a bit before she drifts off to sleep leaving me wide awake and going over everything in my head. Clear thinking and alcohol just don't mix and it felt like I didn't sleep much and when I did I was subjected to cruel dreams of her and the kids not wanting me and other men in her life etc etc .... pretty upsetting and distressing to the point that I woke myself up crying at one point. So much for the showing her that I am strong and not being needy because it woke her up as well. After asking me what is wrong I just broke down even more and told her how much I am hurting inside, how much I miss her and the little things like cuddling and hand holding and how I feel I have no prospects for a happy life after all of this, and how I can't live without her ... basically everything that is not good and the things she doesn't want to hear! It transpires that she has told a couple of her friends about our situation and this made me feel even worse that if she is telling her friends then she must really mean it and I have no chance of reconciliation! And still living together and sleeping in the same bed together is so hard and I am sure just makes me feel worse combined with the fact that I have not really got anyone to talk to about it. It feels slightly normal but not if you know what I mean!
|
So first off, you had a bad night. Just get back on plan. We all have set backs. It's no big deal. Second, remember the first rule for us LBS's. Believe none of what you hear. My WAW told me yesterday she wasn't having an affair because we are separated. Can you believe that cr*p? And at least you and your wife are still talking. My WAW can only fight with me at the moment and the best thing to do there is just walk away.
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 04:57 PM
|
#84
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by notDoneYet
So first off, you had a bad night. Just get back on plan. We all have set backs. It's no big deal. Second, remember the first rule for us LBS's. Believe none of what you hear. My WAW told me yesterday she wasn't having an affair because we are separated. Can you believe that cr*p? And at least you and your wife are still talking. My WAW can only fight with me at the moment and the best thing to do there is just walk away.
|
Yep I know, I have just got to take my own advice and take it one day at a time and not expect too much. I am definitely staying away from the alcohol as that does not help my feelings. I know we are still talking and fairly amicable but I feel that it is somehow making things worse for me though. I could perhaps deal with it a bit better if there was a definite reason that she was behaving like this!
It must be really difficult for you with your situation and is quite unbelievable for the WAW to think that it is not an affair because you are separated. You sound like you are having a tough time with your arrangements with your son as well and I hope that you get that situation sorted and stay calm for his sake as well as yours!
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 05:06 PM
|
#85
|
Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563
Yep I know, I have just got to take my own advice and take it one day at a time and not expect too much. I am definitely staying away from the alcohol as that does not help my feelings. I know we are still talking and fairly amicable but I feel that it is somehow making things worse for me though. I could perhaps deal with it a bit better if there was a definite reason that she was behaving like this!
It must be really difficult for you with your situation and is quite unbelievable for the WAW to think that it is not an affair because you are separated. You sound like you are having a tough time with your arrangements with your son as well and I hope that you get that situation sorted and stay calm for his sake as well as yours!
|
I have never known alcohol cause anything but problems, dont go there.
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 05:20 PM
|
#86
|
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by N654563
Yep I know, I have just got to take my own advice and take it one day at a time and not expect too much. I am definitely staying away from the alcohol as that does not help my feelings. I know we are still talking and fairly amicable but I feel that it is somehow making things worse for me though. I could perhaps deal with it a bit better if there was a definite reason that she was behaving like this!
It must be really difficult for you with your situation and is quite unbelievable for the WAW to think that it is not an affair because you are separated. You sound like you are having a tough time with your arrangements with your son as well and I hope that you get that situation sorted and stay calm for his sake as well as yours!
|
It is tough mate. Thanks for the concern. We have the mediators on Tuesday so hopefully that'll help.
|
|
|
8th March 2015, 09:51 PM
|
#87
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
I have never known alcohol cause anything but problems, dont go there.
|
Yep I know that now but sometimes the urge for a little drink was too great to resist!! I'm am learning though and each bad experience will make me wiser and stronger!
|
|
|
9th March 2015, 04:22 PM
|
#88
|
Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,297
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen
I have never known alcohol cause anything but problems, dont go there.
|
As this was apparently a large part of my contribution to the breakdown of my marriage I would have to agree.
|
|
|
9th March 2015, 05:39 PM
|
#89
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 55
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
All I can so echo the responses above. Alcohol only makes thing worse. Every time. This is just a minor setback and you will recover from it. As you say, stick to the plan.
It seems like you are really learning alot about yourself on this journey and it will make you a better and stronger person in the process. Hang on in there.
|
|
|
9th March 2015, 09:21 PM
|
#90
|
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 58
|
Re: My wife of 16 years wants us to split
Quote:
Originally Posted by sambrooklands
All I can so echo the responses above. Alcohol only makes thing worse. Every time. This is just a minor setback and you will recover from it. As you say, stick to the plan.
It seems like you are really learning alot about yourself on this journey and it will make you a better and stronger person in the process. Hang on in there.
|
Thanks, I am learning a lot about myself. Hindsight is a wonderful thing and I just wish that I could have acknowledged and tried to address my shortcomings sooner and avoided all this pain.
|
|
|
Thread Tools |
|
Display Modes |
Linear Mode
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT +1. The time now is 12:24 AM.
|
|