Is it normal to feel so down ? - Page 6 - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

N654563 · 8th March 2015, 12:25 PM

I know how you feel. The thought of moving house or area and not having all the things that you are familiar and comfortable with terrifies me. Although I can understand how it could help with the state of mind for not being reminded of the past all of the time. I still believe that the best way to heal the mind is to stay busy and active and try and develop some new interests...not easy though!

chosen · 8th March 2015, 01:09 PM

Maybe just a new home will help with the letting go process?
When my marriage ended I wanted to move away, but wasnt able to as my youngest child was only 14 and just starting her GCSE's. I did have to leave my house after 2 years because I could no longer afford to stay there, and we had to buy an even smaller home, but that did help a bit with leaving the old memories behind both for me and my children, even though I didnt want to move to a smaller home(especially as I am still here 12 years later!!!!).

ralfgarnett · 9th March 2015, 07:43 PM

I do feel as though I need a fresh start

notDoneYet · 9th March 2015, 08:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

I do feel as though I need a fresh start

Good for you. You are finally starting to detach. This is the best thing for everyone.

ralfgarnett · 10th March 2015, 12:49 PM

The waves have hit me again, I was coming out of the bank and I suddenly felt the pain of lost experiences all the things we have done and enjoyed togetheter we will never do them together again, my brian cant process this for some reason I just struggle to accept it all

sambrooklands · 10th March 2015, 01:04 PM

It is a bit like a grieving process and it will pass. Allow yourself to be down, accept that you are at the bottom just now and things will improve. Most of all be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack.

ralfgarnett · 11th March 2015, 08:13 PM

Right I have spoken to the reverend and he is going to talk to my wife, I am going to pay him a visit on Friday to go over what he is to say to her, I am at a loss as to what he should say has anyoe got any ideas ?

Lindentree1 · 11th March 2015, 08:38 PM

I'm so glad, Ralf! I would ask the reverend to ask her why she felt the need to leave the marriage. To have him let her know you are upset and have no idea why she walked away. After all the years of marriage, you need to know where her head is at. Then perhaps she will agree to counseling sessions? I guess he should ask her if she wants to consider staying in the marriage. That's the main point. What happened, and is she willing to try and fix this? Her answer will allow you to move forward in whatever direction this goes. This is so brave of you, Ralf. Best of luck.

chosen · 11th March 2015, 08:47 PM

Yes as lindentree says, exactly why she left(honestly), what are her plans now, and if there is any chance of her ever wanting to come back, and why she isnt doing anything to help herself or sort out the reasons she gave for leaving the marriage.

ralfgarnett · 12th March 2015, 05:54 PM

I;m struggling again, the wave keeps coming over me I;m panicking and fretting again, I miss her so much and I feel so scared of spending my life without her, I;m not getting anywhere fast or even slow, we were perfect for each other, we understood each other so well, we had so much in common and enjoyed and appreciated so many similar things, how can it be that we find ourselves in this position ?, there cant be any worthwhile future for me I just feel so unhappy, I was getting chest pains earlier and I just ignored them instead of doing something about them as I thought that if this is the end then so be it, I even took out my will and left it where it could be found easily she gets everything anyway so it makes no odds to me about who gets what, we were perfect for each other and had so much in common and had so many good times in our life together, I don't know how much more I can take I really don't know what to do any more and don't feel that I have very much to live for please help me god .

chosen · 12th March 2015, 07:07 PM

The chest pains are the stress and anxiety. I used to think I was having a heart attack when I had panic attacks, thats how it feels but its not.
I think that you need to set in motion your priest seeing her asap. Once you know for sure what is in her mind, then you will know where you are.

Lindentree1 · 12th March 2015, 08:26 PM

I agree with Chosen. It sounds more like a panic attack to me. Perhaps you're nervous about speaking with your priest tomorrow? I don't blame you. It's a frightening prospect because you don't know what she'll say after he speaks to her. But whatever happens, wouldn't it be better than what you are going through now? You are in agony because you have no idea what prompted your wife to leave the home and life you shared. If the reverend can get her to speak to him and shed some light and even perhaps help this situation, would it not be better than what you are going through now? It seems you are stuck now--I know I am, and I too need to make some moves instead of suffering so.

Day after day you understandably have questions and pain. If your priest can help in any way--even if is only finding out the answer to some questions you may have--it might be worth it. Stay strong, Ralf. I am wishing you the best.

ralfgarnett · 12th March 2015, 09:14 PM

i just know that more and more I go to bed hoping that I don't wake up the next day, I feel damaged in fact I feel finished I just miss her and our marriage so much I really miss being a husband.

Lindentree1 · 12th March 2015, 09:56 PM

I have definitely felt that way, as well. I miss my husband. And I miss being a wife. I even miss the mundane stuff, like making dinner for two! I don't really want to cook for one.

I miss my wedding set on my finger, I hate sleeping alone, I could go on and on...

But there has to be more life for us. Where there is life, there is hope, they say. I have asked God why I have lost everything and am in deep despair but I just believe He won't abandon us, Ralf. Hang on. Just focus on getting through one day at a time for now. I have to believe one day we'll both be happy again. I need to believe that...

chosen · 12th March 2015, 11:02 PM

There is sin in the world, and people do wrong and selfish things that hurt others. However if we allow Him to, God can and will bring good out of the bad, beauty from ashes. It may well not be what we would like to happen, because God cant force anyone to do the right thing, that is their choice, but he can give is a new life and a fresh start.
Of course its painful when the person we love leaves or cheats or betrays us, but if we trust Him, then we will get through, and come out better and stronger and wiser and hopefully more compassionate towards others who suffer. It takes time. Its a grieving process just if they had died, but as time passes it does begin to get a bit easier, and we do begin eventually to see that we still have a future, albeit a different one than we envisaged.