Thank you for your kind words about the web site.
Turning to your concerns about your marriage, Your own words may give some clues to what is going on - you can't bear to be alone. I wouldn't pick this up as something hereditary - it is more likely to be some deep seated insecurity because your mother left. Have you ever had any counselling or prayer for this?
You say that you can't stop yourself - well that is not the truth. With help and grace you can stop. When you accepted Jesus as your Saviour you were set free from the power of sin. He can give you the power to say no to temptation.
So first of all I would suggest that you get some help to find the root cause for what is happening. Secondly, don't allow yourself to get into a situation where you are exposed to temptation. If you know you have a weakness then protect yourself. Thirdly, find someone trustworthy to hold you accountable.
One of the maxims that we try to hold up in our marriage is this: If I cannot tell my loved one what I am about to do or want to do, then I don't do it. Walking completely "in the light" like this can prevent slipping into trouble.
I hope this helps a little and that you can find someone near at hadn to help you and pray for you.
Liz