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Old 1st March 2016, 03:51 PM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1
Help needed

Hi, really needing some help from a neutral point of view. Over the past 18 months I have sent very inappropriate images of myself to group chats on messaging site kik. I've never sent my face or even chatted just the image. I've also registered on gay sites over the years as have been confused about various aspects but know I'm straight. My wife knows about everything, not through me being honest but because she found stuff on my phone. She has now started to chat to a guy regularly. They have arranged to chat on a Wednesday afternoon as it's the only day he's off work and has the place to himself. They chat constantly for around 2 hours and this has been going on for around 6 weeks. She assures me that it's completely innocent but seems really structured to me and they clearly hit it off to chat so much. She has had no sex drive during this period either. I have no morale high ground here but some impartial views would be great
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Old 1st March 2016, 05:59 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,253
Re: Help needed

Hi Confused,

Your wife is probably really angry with you. The inappropriate pictures, the gay sites. All this shows your mind was not really with her. She might be hurt, and might be questioning your sexuality, as well. It sounds like she's lashing out. She letting you know about this man quite pointedly.

In my opinion, you guys need to get off these sites-both of you. And commit to marriage counseling. I think you as a couple need to get help right away before things get even worse. If you want to save your marriage, you both must be committed. She saw your mind was elsewhere. Can you stay off those sites? Can she stop talking to this man? I really think you need to get help for your marriage right away so it doesn't fall apart further.

All this requires commitment from both sides. Can you do it? Can she?

ETA: Is your wife chatting by phone or computer, or is she meeting this man in person?

Last edited by Lindentree1; 2nd March 2016 at 09:03 AM. Reason: Question
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Old 1st March 2016, 10:03 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Help needed

Both of you are playing with fire here and seriously risking your marriage unless you both stop this stuff and concentrate on each other and making the marriage work. Neither of you have actually cheated physically yet(only a matter of time if you both carry on the way you are) but its heading that way, but her relationship sounds as if its an emotional affair already. She may be doing it to get back at you but 2 wrongs dont make a right.
You have to sit down together and communicate about all this. Ask yourselves if you want this marriage to carry on and be a good one, and if you do, then you need to both stop this, be open with each other with phones/ipads/computers etc and allow each other to have the passwords.

It may help a lot if you can have some good marriage counseling to guide you through all this.
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Old 3rd March 2016, 03:54 PM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Help needed

I have to agree with both comments. Any kind of intimacy including picures should only be between a married couple and not anyone else. By sending pictures of yourself online you broke something and it obviously affected her.

If you can see that then I would apologise to her and explain what a chump you were and that you will endeavour to make sure it never happens again. You can only take care of your own side but a good apology is a good start.
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