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Old 21st February 2016, 03:50 PM   #2131
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

When you let the past go, you can move on, get involved in things where you will have that human interaction you crave, and maybe even meet a nice lady to spend the rest of you life with. But as it stands you are still in the same position that you were in a 6 months ago, and a year ago and 18 months ago. The only one who can change things is you. You are still hanging on to the past and that is stopping you from living.

How about you get a part time job where you will mix with others? Voluntary work? Join a contemporary choir (choirs are always crying out for men as well as being great fun and very theraputic), take up a hobby, an evening class, join a new lively welcoming church, the opportunities are endless. Just do one of those things to start, get back to being part of the wider world, and have a holiday to the sun for 2 weeks.
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Old 21st February 2016, 06:11 PM   #2132
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi LDT it's nice to hear from you and I sincerely hope that things are looking up for you, let me explain what I mean, I have a very small handful of people I see on a very irregular basis, I can go days without seeing anyone and quite often the only human interaction I get is by telephone or e-mail but I understand that sometimes it's just not possible to see someone that your close too for many different reasons, I have a few very dear friends whom I know I can ring any time I want which is good, but I really like and enjoy human interaction face to face eye to eye, I am fortunate that god has blessed me with good communicational skills and also a good sense of humour, I can easily make people laugh with my daft jokes or silly stories, but I don't see enough people often enough, weeks go by where the only person that crosses my door is me, I like going to visit people but 9 times out of 10 if I ask iif it's ok to call round people have other plans, and that's ok I get that, so gracefully bow out and wish them a good day, so when I say about not having enough "supportive friends" I don't mean that I don't get verbal emotional support and interaction because I do, but I don't get enough physical interaction with the key people in my life, I am human being with feelings, and just like most people when the chips are down I just need a big warm hug, or somebody just to put their arm round me and tell me everything is going to be ok, my wife and I were very affectionate to each other always hugging, kissing, holding hands, cuddling, always telling each other we loved each other, then one day in July 2014 that love died in front of me, suddenly and without warning, une morte subite, and ever since that evening I have felt very unloved and there have been very many times that I have felt very alone in the world with not one person on this planet that loves me, I love other people that is my nature, I love my wife, I love my closest friends wherever they are in the world, but nobody loves me back and all I want right now is a hug and somebody to tell me that I do matter and I am important, and that they love me, I'm crying again so it time to stop, but I hope you understand what I mean well in fact with your situation without me being a mind reader I am pretty sure you know exactly what I mostly mean, god bless you and watch over you, thinking of you and dear little Buddy from across the pond.
Well, you do matter. You are important. You don't need anyone to tell you that; that's something you should know on your own. I'm sure your friends love you, but it really sounds like you are missing the romantic love from your wife. That's a different kind of love. When all is said and done, you miss your wife which is understandable and I'm really sorry for your pain--I truly am.

The question is--is there anything else you can do to help yourself? It's been over 19 months now. I don't think you want to feel this way in another 19 months. What can you do differently so that you can feel better? That is perhaps something to think about, dear Ralf.
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Old 21st February 2016, 08:18 PM   #2133
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

I accidentally practically over dosed on my various medications yesterday it was careless of me but I quite simply took my eye off the ball and a combination of fatigue and uncertainness about the correct thing to do knocked me out of sync, the day started off ok but as it progressed I felt worse and worse and I had nobody to help me out and I couldn't seek professional medical help as they may of misinterpreted my mistake as a suicide attempt which through no fault of my own could of seen me sectioned with nobody to bail me out, and I still don't feel great within
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Old 21st February 2016, 10:16 PM   #2134
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

They wouldnt section you for that. As LT says do you want to still be in the exact same place in another 18 months? If not then make a decision to do something different. You thrive by being with others, so do things that will mean you mix with others on a regular basis. I dont mean go to the pub more, alcohol wont help with all the medications you take.
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Old 22nd February 2016, 10:26 AM   #2135
ralfgarnett
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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They wouldnt section you for that. As LT says do you want to still be in the exact same place in another 18 months? If not then make a decision to do something different. You thrive by being with others, so do things that will mean you mix with others on a regular basis. I dont mean go to the pub more, alcohol wont help with all the medications you take.
Going to the pub is not top of my list for improving my life, I do meet the boys for a couple of beers 2 or 3 times a month but I have only drank real ale, bitter, mild, stout, or porter, but nothing strong like those horrible strong manufactured lagers, 20 years ago I could shift a few but my maximum these days is no more than 3 so it's not an issue for me, I have seen people go down that route and its not pretty to see someone become a drunken bar fly, but I am bigger, better, and prouder than that, I have this morning downloaded an A4 double sided list of things to do locally and will peruse those and enquire if I see somethings of interest.
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Old 22nd February 2016, 02:51 PM   #2136
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Going to the pub is not top of my list for improving my life, I do meet the boys for a couple of beers 2 or 3 times a month but I have only drank real ale, bitter, mild, stout, or porter, but nothing strong like those horrible strong manufactured lagers, 20 years ago I could shift a few but my maximum these days is no more than 3 so it's not an issue for me, I have seen people go down that route and its not pretty to see someone become a drunken bar fly, but I am bigger, better, and prouder than that, I have this morning downloaded an A4 double sided list of things to do locally and will peruse those and enquire if I see somethings of interest.
Good, thats a first step.
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Old 22nd February 2016, 05:42 PM   #2137
Lindentree1
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Going to the pub is not top of my list for improving my life, I do meet the boys for a couple of beers 2 or 3 times a month but I have only drank real ale, bitter, mild, stout, or porter, but nothing strong like those horrible strong manufactured lagers, 20 years ago I could shift a few but my maximum these days is no more than 3 so it's not an issue for me, I have seen people go down that route and its not pretty to see someone become a drunken bar fly, but I am bigger, better, and prouder than that, I have this morning downloaded an A4 double sided list of things to do locally and will peruse those and enquire if I see somethings of interest.
This is fantastic! Good for you, Ralf.
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Old 22nd February 2016, 08:06 PM   #2138
chosen
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Re: Recently separated after 17 years of marriage honest advice and views needed

YOu are an extrovert by nature therefore you will benefit greatly by getting out there and getting involved in things. Great way to meet new people as well.

My older daughter recently discovered this website. www.meetup.com You can look up groups in your area and things that interest you and you will find many things that go on that we dont know about.

Last edited by chosen; 22nd February 2016 at 10:28 PM.
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