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Old 20th January 2013, 11:04 AM   #151
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

Raymond I actually think the counsellor is working in my wife's interest more so than she is the interest of the marriage.

It's heart breaking, it really is but I think I have to admits that it's over.
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Old 20th January 2013, 11:35 AM   #152
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

Just sent my wife a text saying "please think about this, it's breaking my heart as well as your sons - it would be hard for me too now, but there's nothing I wouldn't try to heal his broken heart"

She just replied with

"I do nothing but think. It is hard and he will be sad. He will settle into it. I promise I will keep thinking over the weekend"

I don't for one minute believe she's still thinking about it though, you wouldn't tell your son about it, and then decide to still think about it.
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Old 20th January 2013, 01:55 PM   #153
Helen_uk
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Re: Please Help Me...

I have to admit that the signs seem to say she's working up the courage to tell you it's over . But I may very well be wrong. I do think she's being unfair and I also think you're quite correct in that the counsellor seems to be supporting your wife instead of trying to work with you as a couple, but I'd guess the counsellor needs to know your wife;s true feelings before she can work out how to help you both.

Give her this weekend, as she's asked for but on Monday I think you both need a sit down and a long talk. To keep you waiting any longer than that would be cruel .
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Old 20th January 2013, 02:07 PM   #154
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk View Post
I have to admit that the signs seem to say she's working up the courage to tell you it's over . But I may very well be wrong. I do think she's being unfair and I also think you're quite correct in that the counsellor seems to be supporting your wife instead of trying to work with you as a couple, but I'd guess the counsellor needs to know your wife;s true feelings before she can work out how to help you both.

Give her this weekend, as she's asked for but on Monday I think you both need a sit down and a long talk. To keep you waiting any longer than that would be cruel .
She's already told me its over I'm sad to say.
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Old 20th January 2013, 02:58 PM   #155
Helen_uk
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Re: Please Help Me...

I thought she was taking time out to think about it ?
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Old 20th January 2013, 03:05 PM   #156
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen_uk View Post
I thought she was taking time out to think about it ?
She was but she told me yesterday her "mind had never been clearer" and it was over.
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Old 20th January 2013, 03:26 PM   #157
Helen_uk
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Re: Please Help Me...

In that case Intact I think you need to tell her you're not hanging around waiting any longer . It's may be time for you to be proactive ? Sometimes that can have the effect of them changing their minds, but even if it doesn't, you will feel better by taking back some control.
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Old 20th January 2013, 06:55 PM   #158
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

I do try and take control but its difficult. For example right now I'm sat in our family home alone - as it's her night with our son.

She is sat with our son and her mum and dad playing happy families.

It's just so wrong. In fact if it didn't always go against men I seriously would consider a custody battle for our child - because even he doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
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Old 21st January 2013, 11:35 AM   #159
Raymond
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Re: Please Help Me...

It must be very confusing for him Intact. How old is he by the way?

She is set for desertion it seems and if that is the case you have to be ready for the worst. It is a terrible thing as ostensibly there does not seem to be any reason for it unless there is actually someone else. It will mean of course that you build a new life for yourself without her, which maybe is what Helen means by being proactive. Nobody here would underestimate your pain but you will come through and build a new life for yourself.

I don't know whether you want to go on Tuesday now but it may reveal a few things as to reasons. If the counselor is just working for her benefit and giving wrong advice then you will know more about that as well. It must be terrible to live with the fact that one's wife left them and one didn't even know the reason. You do need to be told what that is as her behaviour just does not make sense.
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Old 21st January 2013, 12:13 PM   #160
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

He's 8 Raymond. She keeps telling me to wait until Tuesday as its not as simple as she's just not in love with me anymore and the counsellor can help her explain better. I feel like they have ganged up on me.

She wants 50/50 custody of our son and this destroys me more than anything - I can't bare the thought of only seeing him 3 or 4 times a week. It breaks my heart.
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Old 21st January 2013, 01:47 PM   #161
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

Well my Wife has just been and packed her stuff. She says it is over and she will never change her mind.

We have even sorted a rota with regards to who and when has our Son.

Her Mum (who she's very close too) just told me even she doesn't understand it... I wish I knew what was going on.
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Old 21st January 2013, 02:03 PM   #162
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

She is so convinced that this absolutely the only way forward. The fact not even her Mum understands it says everything. Her Mum said too me "I don't understand it, but I don't think she's ever coming back"

I do wonder if this could be a midlife crisis.
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Old 21st January 2013, 02:09 PM   #163
Raymond
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Re: Please Help Me...

The counselor ganging up on you may not be true Intact, but I understand how you feel. There is something which has not been explained and that's why you need to be there on Tuesday I think.

At the moment you cannot bear only having your son for three or four days. Divorce is horrible and the family and children will suffer and yet it could have been worse. Some wives fight for total custody so I think you have a partial blessing there to consider although I know it is far from perfect.

There does seem to be some preparation of what is going to be said on Tuesday which you cannot answer now until you actually know what it is.
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Old 21st January 2013, 02:18 PM   #164
Intact27
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Re: Please Help Me...

You're right. She just tells me "its not just because I don't love you, I hope the counsellor can help you see that" - she has promised me there is no one else and I find it incredibly strange that not even her Mother understands.
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Old 21st January 2013, 03:02 PM   #165
snowmike
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Re: Please Help Me...

It all seems bizarre to me. Hopefully Tuesday will provide some understanding for you. My thoughts are with you as you seem to be in a very poor situation.
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