In the fog zone - Page 4 - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

Pimouse · 29th May 2015, 08:37 PM

Sorry Lindentree1. I should know better . I have edited my post and changed it. Hope it'll be easier to read.

chosen · 29th May 2015, 09:25 PM

Pimhouse, so he left his first partner and child, and now he has left you and the children. Cant you see a pattern here???
He is also blaming you for his terrible actions, the lying and deception and cheating, that is just not right. He close to cheat, he choose to cheat for all that time over and over and over again. He is trying to put the blame on you, dont let him. I have no idea why you are even thinking of trying to get back with him, he had no moral values, and has no integrity. He is unreliable and immature. He has effectively abandoned 2 families now, and will probably do it again.

Pimouse · 29th May 2015, 10:06 PM

I'm taking his side Chosen but I kicked him out of the house when I found out that he was back with the OW when I specifically asked him NC at all with her. Looking back I think he had already checked out on our marriage but didn't have the guts to go like he did with his first relationship, so I guess he let me made the decision for him and now I'm feeling guilty for kicking him out! How pathetic I am!

One of his sister told me that he will never be happy and that her and her two others sisters used to clear up his mess, so again no responsabilities for him as someone else is doing it for him. Thank for your words and support. I don't think I wanted to hear it but I guess I'll be extremely foolish to want him back. I need to detach from him and let go of my fear. How can I do that?

notDoneYet · 29th May 2015, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pimouse

How can I do that?

I have already given you the answers to this. Please, Pim, read my posts.

Lindentree1 · 30th May 2015, 03:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pimouse

Sorry Lindentree1. I should know better . I have edited my post and changed it. Hope it'll be easier to read.

No, I'm sorry, Pimouse. There was no excuse for my rudeness. Please excuse my ridiculous post.

ralfgarnett · 30th May 2015, 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lindentree1

No, I'm sorry, Pimouse. There was no excuse for my rudeness. Please excuse my ridiculous post.

it's all ok LDT your going through a tough time, we can all tell what a decent well meaning person you are, please don't worry about it we all make mistakes.

Pimouse · 30th May 2015, 11:55 AM

Please don't worry LDT as what I like about this support forum is that everyone is honest with everyone, and we tell each other how it is. To be honest, it is a breath of fresh air for me as I feel for the last few years my life has been a lie!

ralfgarnett · 30th May 2015, 01:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pimouse

Please don't worry LDT as what I like about this support forum is that everyone is honest with everyone, and we tell each other how it is. To be honest, it is a breath of fresh air for me as I feel for the last few years my life has been a lie!

I am so sorry that you are going through all this Pimhouse, it's hard enough having marital heartaches but to be deceived and lied to must be extra awful I do feel for you.

Lindentree1 · 30th May 2015, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

it's all ok LDT your going through a tough time, we can all tell what a decent well meaning person you are, please don't worry about it we all make mistakes.

Thanks, Ralf. You are so nice.

Lindentree1 · 30th May 2015, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pimouse

Please don't worry LDT as what I like about this support forum is that everyone is honest with everyone, and we tell each other how it is. To be honest, it is a breath of fresh air for me as I feel for the last few years my life has been a lie!

I'm so sorry you're going through all this, Pimouse. I think you have found a good place here. It's a great place to get advice and support.

You have shown much bravery in the fact that you refuse to live a lie.

Raymond · 31st May 2015, 08:14 PM

I think you are in danger of blaming yourself unfairly Pimhouse. Yes you have failings. We all do. I think he had a bit of control there and put pressure on you from what you are saying. ie ignoring you then saying you are selfish to want to see your family. I think that is cruel personally. I don't think you should reproach yourself and over analyse everything.

To have an affair is really selfish and unfaithful. Nothing justifies that even if you are not perfect. He had a duty to discuss the marriage with you in a loving way rather than just having an affair.

Also to say I told you you would be sorry is cruel and also shows some of his control. I would advise not to get so close to a grovelling attitude, otherwise I suspect he would wipe the floor with you. I think that you need to maintain your position to keep your self respect as any begging would not make you more attractive.

I think you did the right thing by putting him out otherwise you could have been enabling his unfaithful behaviour. There is more chance of him changing, if he is going to change, by sticking to your initial action.

Pimouse · 1st June 2015, 08:27 PM

Oh boy! My heart is into pieces. My H came round to see the girls and he is pushing for the sale of the house. I have noticed that he isn't wearing his wedding ring anymore and walked around the house and asked me what I wanted to keep when we move! I stupidly asked him if it was really over and he said pretty much. I can't believe that I'm so stupid to think that we could reconcile, surely there is something seriously wrong with me for being so naive and still wanting him back after all that he done to me. Went to get tasted for STD as well as HIV and despite all this I still can't bring myself to gate him and be angry with him! I think I'm the one who has a serious problem, not him by the look of things!

notDoneYet · 1st June 2015, 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pimouse

Oh boy! My heart is into pieces. My H came round to see the girls and he is pushing for the sale of the house. I have noticed that he isn't wearing his wedding ring anymore and walked around the house and asked me what I wanted to keep when we move! I stupidly asked him if it was really over and he said pretty much. I can't believe that I'm so stupid to think that we could reconcile, surely there is something seriously wrong with me for being so naive and still wanting him back after all that he done to me. Went to get tasted for STD as well as HIV and despite all this I still can't bring myself to gate him and be angry with him! I think I'm the one who has a serious problem, not him by the look of things!

This is normal. Relax. My WW did the exact same thing to me. I'm still here and the house is not sold. Like I said. You have the gift of time. Use it wisely.

Raymond · 1st June 2015, 09:32 PM

He cannot force you to sell the house now Pimhouse. This is your home for you and the children. The only way you could do it is to buy him off from the sale of your house abroad? You might actually get more than half through the courts as you have the children? Hang on to your position until you are good and ready. Really it is all your house as it was given to you. He has a cheek wanting you to sell it so he gets half. It seems really unfair to me. If the court do it there is nothing you can do, but I don't think you will really know the outcome fully beforehand. Certainly don't assume it. This aspect needs to be tested much more by more research.

I think I do agree with your analysis of the relationship in the sense of wanting him back even though he has not repented over the affair. I think that is asking for trouble as I mention before. In other words reconciliation shouldn't be on if he is not sorry. Where would the basis be for the marriage? In other words I had an afair with another woman for two years whilst sleeping with her. I come back and everything is at before. Really? Surely you know that wouldn't work. And yes you would need him to be tested for STD etc. I think you lower yourself needlessly although I can understand that in a way you are still joined to him, but I think that would work against you in the present position. I don't think your feelings are reliable in the present situation as they can be used against you.

chosen · 1st June 2015, 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pimouse

Oh boy! My heart is into pieces. My H came round to see the girls and he is pushing for the sale of the house. I have noticed that he isn't wearing his wedding ring anymore and walked around the house and asked me what I wanted to keep when we move! I stupidly asked him if it was really over and he said pretty much. I can't believe that I'm so stupid to think that we could reconcile, surely there is something seriously wrong with me for being so naive and still wanting him back after all that he done to me. Went to get tasted for STD as well as HIV and despite all this I still can't bring myself to gate him and be angry with him! I think I'm the one who has a serious problem, not him by the look of things!

Please get some different legal advise. As I said, the thing that all courts will care about before anything else will be for the children, and that they have a home, care and child maintenance etc.
Any thing such as selling the house will be dealt with in the divorce process not now, and that can take many many months. If you did have to sell it, then you can do that later on, and you may well be able to remain there till the youngest is 18 before he gets his share. Dont let him pressure you at all, and dont agree to anything until you have got more legal advise.