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Old 3rd March 2015, 05:15 PM   #46
N654563
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
ralf ^ this
N6 has nailed it on the head. this is the type of thing you should be doing and for you, nobody else. The thing is. If you take the leaf out on N6 and my own book you will start to feel much better about yourself and do you know what? Those changes, if you can be consistent with them will be both good for you AND be noticed by your WAW. It may not win her back but I tell you it's the bl**dy right direction no matter what.

N6 - I can't believe your progress. Two days in and you've already cracked the secrete. It took me weeks to work that all out. Man, you are good.
Thanks NDY, its down to yours and everyone else's comments and advice that I am being this strong, it is really hard but its just one day at a time. I am hurting so badly and keeping it buried at the moment and I really don't know where i would be if I hadn't found this site and you all. I do know that if I wasn't talking to anyone about this (like i would normally do) I would be in the place that Ralf is feeling at the moment. Perhaps after our previous troubles in past years i am hardened slightly I don't know but like I say one day at a time, darker days will be ahead for me at some point I'm sure
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Old 3rd March 2015, 05:24 PM   #47
notDoneYet
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Thanks NDY, its down to yours and everyone else's comments and advice that I am being this strong, it is really hard but its just one day at a time. I am hurting so badly and keeping it buried at the moment and I really don't know where i would be if I hadn't found this site and you all. I do know that if I wasn't talking to anyone about this (like i would normally do) I would be in the place that Ralf is feeling at the moment. Perhaps after our previous troubles in past years i am hardened slightly I don't know but like I say one day at a time, darker days will be ahead for me at some point I'm sure
This is for both you and ralf. You can choose to stay on the roller coaster or get off. I decided quite some time ago to get off. It does make a difference but it is a DECISION. It's not something that happens on it's own. Yes, I have good days and bad days but the bad days are getting less and less. It all starts with detaching, getting a life and setting yourself goals. Small manageable goals and most important, and I cannot stress this enough YOU WILL BE OK ON YOUR OWN. Trust me, when your other half sees that you truly believe this they will start to wonder wtf is going on.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 05:46 PM   #48
N654563
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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Originally Posted by notDoneYet View Post
This is for both you and ralf. You can choose to stay on the roller coaster or get off. I decided quite some time ago to get off. It does make a difference but it is a DECISION. It's not something that happens on it's own. Yes, I have good days and bad days but the bad days are getting less and less. It all starts with detaching, getting a life and setting yourself goals. Small manageable goals and most important, and I cannot stress this enough YOU WILL BE OK ON YOUR OWN. Trust me, when your other half sees that you truly believe this they will start to wonder wtf is going on.
I completely agree but I think it is hard to set yourself goals when you feel so low and i think that's the place where Ralf is at the moment. But you have sparked me into a thought. I actually think this has been a bigger shock to me (and perhaps to ralf) because I mistakenly believed throughout our marriage that my wife needed and relied on me and perhaps couldn't do it on her own. One of my earlier post mentions that i have seen her grow from a shy, timid young woman into this strong, outgoing person. I think that I perhaps neglected her because of this misguided sense of security and now she is the one pulling the strings and telling me its over has made the shock even worse!
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Old 3rd March 2015, 06:09 PM   #49
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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I completely agree but I think it is hard to set yourself goals when you feel so low and i think that's the place where Ralf is at the moment. But you have sparked me into a thought. I actually think this has been a bigger shock to me (and perhaps to ralf) because I mistakenly believed throughout our marriage that my wife needed and relied on me and perhaps couldn't do it on her own. One of my earlier post mentions that i have seen her grow from a shy, timid young woman into this strong, outgoing person. I think that I perhaps neglected her because of this misguided sense of security and now she is the one pulling the strings and telling me its over has made the shock even worse!
^ this
Yes, this is true, so it's always wise to start small and build from there. Post the rest on your thread, I have some interesting insights RE your wife needing you.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 07:40 PM   #50
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

I don't want to feel so down I hate feeling so low, but I'm heartbroken I loved / love her so very much and loved the times we spent together, I miss her in every possible respect and I would do anything to have her back, I just miss her so much she meant absoloutely everything to me and I worshiped the ground she walked on, she was my best friend and my soulmate I feel almost constant pain without her by my side, I have been back to my GP today and due to my lo mood they have upped my meds from what they were and I was taking a lot prior but he was worried about me maybe having a breakdown, I think all the time about us getting back together and starting a new, I even offered to make a deal with god in church the other week that if he brings us back together for just one more year then a year to that day he can take my soul and do what he wants with it , I think all the time about all our lovely holidays and all we have shared together and how I just cant spend the rest of my life without her, I have even recently been weighing things up subcontiously to see if they would take my weight if I needed to hang myself, things aren't good I am wacked in diazepam and other meds, I dream of her and sleep with something of hers each night and wrap my arms around it and hold her close until I fall asleep in tears or just zonk out with my mirtazapine and zopiclone and amitriptyline , I just cant let go I feel as though im breaking my vows if I give up on her, I am living a deluded life of hope that we can rry again I just cant believe or accept that two people that were so close and so in love can be apart a we are, please please god help me and shine your light on us to show us the way to re-connect please god I am begging you please god help me and hear my prayers
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Old 3rd March 2015, 07:48 PM   #51
notDoneYet
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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I don't want to feel so down I hate feeling so low, but I'm heartbroken I loved / love her so very much and loved the times we spent together, I miss her in every possible respect and I would do anything to have her back, I just miss her so much she meant absoloutely everything to me and I worshiped the ground she walked on, she was my best friend and my soulmate I feel almost constant pain without her by my side, I have been back to my GP today and due to my lo mood they have upped my meds from what they were and I was taking a lot prior but he was worried about me maybe having a breakdown, I think all the time about us getting back together and starting a new, I even offered to make a deal with god in church the other week that if he brings us back together for just one more year then a year to that day he can take my soul and do what he wants with it , I think all the time about all our lovely holidays and all we have shared together and how I just cant spend the rest of my life without her, I have even recently been weighing things up subcontiously to see if they would take my weight if I needed to hang myself, things aren't good I am wacked in diazepam and other meds, I dream of her and sleep with something of hers each night and wrap my arms around it and hold her close until I fall asleep in tears or just zonk out with my mirtazapine and zopiclone and amitriptyline , I just cant let go I feel as though im breaking my vows if I give up on her, I am living a deluded life of hope that we can rry again I just cant believe or accept that two people that were so close and so in love can be apart a we are, please please god help me and shine your light on us to show us the way to re-connect please god I am begging you please god help me and hear my prayers
Phone breathing space. Now. Pick up the phone and dial.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 07:52 PM   #52
notDoneYet
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

0800 83 8587
Suicidal thoughts are not good. That's how my WAW's dad died and was the start of my troubles. Please ralf, phone them. Don't do anything stupid.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 09:26 PM   #53
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
I don't want to feel so down I hate feeling so low, but I'm heartbroken I loved / love her so very much and loved the times we spent together, I miss her in every possible respect and I would do anything to have her back, I just miss her so much she meant absoloutely everything to me and I worshiped the ground she walked on, she was my best friend and my soulmate I feel almost constant pain without her by my side, I have been back to my GP today and due to my lo mood they have upped my meds from what they were and I was taking a lot prior but he was worried about me maybe having a breakdown, I think all the time about us getting back together and starting a new, I even offered to make a deal with god in church the other week that if he brings us back together for just one more year then a year to that day he can take my soul and do what he wants with it , I think all the time about all our lovely holidays and all we have shared together and how I just cant spend the rest of my life without her, I have even recently been weighing things up subcontiously to see if they would take my weight if I needed to hang myself, things aren't good I am wacked in diazepam and other meds, I dream of her and sleep with something of hers each night and wrap my arms around it and hold her close until I fall asleep in tears or just zonk out with my mirtazapine and zopiclone and amitriptyline , I just cant let go I feel as though im breaking my vows if I give up on her, I am living a deluded life of hope that we can rry again I just cant believe or accept that two people that were so close and so in love can be apart a we are, please please god help me and shine your light on us to show us the way to re-connect please god I am begging you please god help me and hear my prayers
God doesnt do deals like that ralf, you know that. You must stop fantasizing about her and what may have been.

Dont worry about breaking the vows, she has already done that by leaving you.
You must accept that you can survive alone, we have done it, and that not only survive, but have a good life again. I think that maybe you idolised her a little too much, and didnt have any sort of life or interests apart from each other.

If you are feeling too bad, then ask the doctor if you can go into hospital. I know several people who have spent time in a hospital with depression after a marriage break up(and for other reasons) and it helped them.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 09:38 PM   #54
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

I just really miss her so much we had such a lovely time together nevar awlaysa arguing or falling out or breaking up and walking out on each other, we got to nearly 20 years together and you think that only god can separate you , I didn't expect at 49 to be on my own after all our lovely life and shared experiences we really really loved each other so much how can this be ?, I keep having an overwhelming urge to ask her to try again, time is no longer my friend it is becoming my enemy feeling deperate like im drowning I just don't want to carry on I don't want to wake up tomorrow, if only I knew what to say to her now I never had a problem communicating my feelings to her or displaying my emotions about her but here we are 7 months apart and I don't know what to say to her I feel almost frozen and unable to tell her exactly what I want to say she knows how much I miss her I told her the other day but I'm stuck on how to get her to even think about giving us another chance I just don't know what to do or say to get her to sit up and think or take notice of me can anyone please help me or guide me I feel so frustrated because I need to try to get us back together.

Last edited by ralfgarnett; 3rd March 2015 at 10:06 PM.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 09:54 PM   #55
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

Ralf. Phone the number I provided. Please. For me mate?
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Old 3rd March 2015, 10:24 PM   #56
N654563
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

Ralf, we all feel for you at this time, and i can feel through your words how completely lost you are at the moment but NYD is right, you cant do this with out some real help. I'm worried for you and your state of mind, please pick up the phone and ask for help. Its out there and they will help guide you through this traumatic time. I am really surprised your GP hasn't tried to do more for you, and i don't think taking stronger pills is necessary helping you. Please take comfort in the fact that we as strangers that have never met you are very worried for you and care for your well being, and I have only joined this group recently! Look, we have all probably had those dark thoughts, i know i have, but I very quickly realised that i wouldn't be helping anyone by taking that route and only hurting others please ask someone to help you. Is there anyone that you can call on?
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Old 3rd March 2015, 10:37 PM   #57
ralfgarnett
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

COLD dark black empty lonely scared fear pointless pain hurt finished lost alone broken damaged pointless unloved crushed
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Old 3rd March 2015, 10:49 PM   #58
N654563
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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COLD dark black empty lonely scared fear pointless pain hurt finished lost alone broken damaged pointless unloved crushed
Ralf, please, we are all feeling crushed by our own situations and I can definitely relate to you and your feelings. But please you are doing yourself no good by this. Try ringing the number, what have you got to lose by trying?
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Old 3rd March 2015, 11:07 PM   #59
chosen
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

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I just really miss her so much we had such a lovely time together nevar awlaysa arguing or falling out or breaking up and walking out on each other, we got to nearly 20 years together and you think that only god can separate you , I didn't expect at 49 to be on my own after all our lovely life and shared experiences we really really loved each other so much how can this be ?, I keep having an overwhelming urge to ask her to try again, time is no longer my friend it is becoming my enemy feeling deperate like im drowning I just don't want to carry on I don't want to wake up tomorrow, if only I knew what to say to her now I never had a problem communicating my feelings to her or displaying my emotions about her but here we are 7 months apart and I don't know what to say to her I feel almost frozen and unable to tell her exactly what I want to say she knows how much I miss her I told her the other day but I'm stuck on how to get her to even think about giving us another chance I just don't know what to do or say to get her to sit up and think or take notice of me can anyone please help me or guide me I feel so frustrated because I need to try to get us back together.
You shouldnt be still talking to her, its not helping you to accept what has happened and begin to move on.
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Old 3rd March 2015, 11:21 PM   #60
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Re: Is it normal to feel so down ?

Ralf. Do what N6 says mate. Just
Dial the number. For me mate. We've come so far buddy.
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