Site Areas
Wedding Centre
Health Club
Marriage Clinic
Chapel
University
Citizen's Centre
Coffee Shop
Admin Centre

Contents
Articles
Books
CDs / Videos
Tips
Services

Resources
Forums
Membership
Contact Us
Site map
Link to Us

Search

Take the Couple Check-up!

Marriage Week UK

Marriage first aid

Online support for your marriage

Free Tell A Friend from Bravenet


Home > Forums
2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums  

Go Back   2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums > General > Coffee Shop Chat

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 21st March 2012, 09:31 AM   #1
kayleyteagan
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
Does my husband really not love me?

Hi everyone,

I am new on here and was hoping to get some advice about what to do.

Four weeks last saturday, me and my husband had an argument about the fact that he was working too much. He got a new job in September 2011 that he wasnt really experienced to do (he knew the person interviewing and they wanted him for the job) and I think he is struggling with the workload. He left the house at 7.30am on the Friday and stayed up working on his laptop until 11.45pm and then also worked all weekend, which is what we had the argument about. During this argument, he told me that his feelings had changed towards me and that he didnt feel the same connection and spark that we used to have. I was absolutely devasted as we only got married in September last year so have been married for 6 months. We both agreed that we would try harder to make it work and did for the next two weeks but it didnt seem like his heart was in it. Last saturday (10th) bang on our 6 month anniversary he told me his feelings hadnt changed and packed a bag and moved to his mums.

I have since spoke to him this saturday and he told me that he still loves me but isnt in love with me anymore and when i asked him if he things he owes it to the relationship to give it another go, he said that he didnt want to. He assures me that it is nothing ive done and its just his feelings that have changed.

Since he started his new job he has been constantly talking about his colleague called Adam who is a bit older than him (I checked on fb!) and is single. He has been to this persons house a few times and stayed over on saturday (info from his mum) staying up all night drinking Whisky. He doesn't drink normally so this was really out of character for him. I am wondering if this man has led him astray as such, showing him how much fun he can have as a single man. He has mentioned that he also works late with this man and ofter goes out for a drink after work with him. I thought that this might be a front for him cheating on me and asked him outright but he said there was noone else and I truly believe him as I dont think he would do that. His mum has also said that he hasnt been showering regularly or dressing up to go out. I don't know if I am just looking for something to blame but I just have a gut feeling that this man has something to do with it.

He seems to have cut himself off from everyone and is really irritable just going into his bedroom when he gets home from work and not answering texts and calls from his dad or friends. I thought initially that he may not be coping with his new job and workload but it would kill him if he admitted it as it is all he has ever wanted to do. Im now not sure as my head is just a mess.

He has hardly took any stuff from our house, just a few pairs of pants and socks and his work clothes and is still wearing his wedding ring and put my name on the mothers day card. He came round sunday night to see our cats but didnt say much.

I just wanted some advice on what others think may be going on and us there anything I can do to stop me feeling so down. Its hit me really hard as I really had no idea anything was wrong and we were looking to try for a baby at the end of this year.

I went to the doctors at the beginning of last week and she gave me some mild sleeping tablets and anti sickness tablets as i kept feeling nauseous 24/7. I keep crying, even at work, and feel very lonely on my own but then feel like I dont want to be around anyone. The mornings seem to be the worst as i keep waking up at about 5.30am and am shaking, feeling sick and have a really fast, loud heartbeat.

Everyone says that I need to take 1 day at a time and start to move on but I don't want to. I still have a tiny bit of hope that he will change his mind and come back but then I dont want to have that hope and get hurt all over again if he doesnt come back. We have a house together and he put more money into the deposit than me so if he didnt come back I couldnt afford to buy him out and would lose my home and probably my cats too as it wouldnt be fair to take them to a bedsit which is all that I would be able to afford.

I feel as if my whole life is unravelling in front of me, I may never have a baby now as I am getting a bit older and obviously at the moment do not want anyone else. I am not suicidal but am very very low and have made another appointment with the doctor on Friday.

I'm crying as I write this, please can someone help me?
kayleyteagan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st March 2012, 02:09 PM   #2
Raymond
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Does my husband really not love me?

This must be extremely upsetting for you Kayley for him to go off like that when you have only been married six months. Normally when I hear that speech I love you but am not in love with you I always think someone else is on the scene. I think it is very callous for him to say that to you as love is on purpose in marriage as well as our feelings.

I would guess that you maybe right in saying it is something to do with this other man he has met at work. He seems to exert some kind of power over your husband. I can only think that this Adam might be gay and perhaps has tapped into something in your husband that you might not have known about. I might be wrong of course. Some keep these things well hidden but can fall into temptation when the circumstances come together.

If it isn't that it might be that this Adam is just a bad influence on your husband and is undermining your husband's marriage to you. It all seems to have happened since this job and maybe some of these long working hours were spent doing other things with this Adam. Who knows.

I think the last thing you should do is beg as that would be unattractive and cause a disrespect towards you. You have to play it out and consider that maybe this is the end and make a new life. That might not be the case but I still think it puts you in the best position to act as such. If this thing with Adam plays out it will be more inviting for him to see you as someone who is moving on without him. I know that is very difficult for you.

For your peace of mind I would keep your eyes and ears open for any signals to show what is really going on here as something has definitely turned your husband's head. Marriage is about committment but I do not see much of it here from him.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
None

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is Off
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 05:55 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.


Top

Copyright ©1999-2024 2-in-2-1 Limited. All rights reserved. Disclaimer