It's very easy to misuse scripture for our own ends and I believe you are correct that God values both men and women equally, and certainly does not expect us to dominate one another.
There are books around that teach this and many churches that acknowledge it too. If you take the passage in Ephesians that is so argued about, I would say it's very clear that whatever is required of the woman, the demands on the man are high - he is supposed to love his wife as much as Christ loves the church and to be willing to lay down his life for her! I don't think Paul expected women to be subservient, but to love, honour and respect their husbands. For an alternative view on this passage there is a book called
What Paul really said about Women.
When we love someone, we may not like their attitudes and behaviour. Have you been able to talk to your husband about his behaviour and the hurt you have been feeling? Have you any idea why he behaves this way? You might like to have a look at the
Marital First Aid article on the site.
Have you actually talked to your church leaders or just looked for relevant books? If they are not open to your needs, then why not find another Christian who will pray for you and with you. Pray that God will reveal what is hidden to others, so your family can receive the healing it needs. God has promised wisdom to those who ask for it, so go on asking for it! He also wants what is best for you, your husband and your marriage, and prayer can move mountains.