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Old 28th February 2008, 10:26 PM   #1
Nlong318
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Christian woman needs advice to forgive

Okay
Here is my situation
I am married for the second time. Before meeting him I turned my life over to the Lord. My husband had a drug addiction problem a little while back and also Turned his life over as well. We met and both saw eye to eye on what we wanted from life. A God centerd life marriage and family. To live with christian values. We go to church teach sunday school and try to involve ourselves with our church family as much as possible. So 6 months in our relationship we got engaged. I then found out he slipped back to his old self. Met a guy at work who offered him drugs and he was back to taking pills. He was doing a good job of hiding it from me till things started to NOT add up. When I investigated and looked into things I found him out. He was caught and just in time cause he was heading for distruction. He thought he could dabble in some drugs and go back to being a good boy. Well it spun out of control and if I didnt catch him addiciton would have taken him down again. So he got help quickly and was supposly back on track. On his knees for help and forgiveness. I should have ran like heck at that point but I felt he was sincere and we still wanted the same things people make mistakes and I am not perfect so I put it behind me and we got married shortly after. Well apparently the lies kept rolling off his tongue. He got a new job temptation rolled around and this time he was greedy and tried to make a couple bucks or so ended up owing money to a guy at work and I caught him again. Now we were married so i felt it was my job to pray for him and forgive him. I did and moved on. 6 months later I got pregnant something we both really wanted more then anything. You would think that this would make him make better choices..NOPE.....He gets involved with some guy and ends up owing him 700 dollars. I control all the money and watch it closely so he knows he cant get what he needs to pay him back. So he skims off the top taking out an extra 10 dollars here 20 dollars there when he goes food shopping or whatever. So it starts to get alittle werid to me and I ask questions he gets defensive and I start my investigation. (what a way to live) I find wierd phone numbers and reciepts not adding up ect... So on our 1 year anniversary I lay it all out..Mind you I am 8 months pregnant on bedrest with high blood pressure and diabetes...He comes clean so I think...I am angry hurt angry and sadly my love is feeling more like hate. He owes some guy money and we go to take care of it. but he says the next day he owes the guy more and didnt want to tell me the whole amount cause it sounded so bad...Anyway its not the money to me that hurts its the lies the deceit the fact we have a baby coming very soon and he is making decesions that could jepordize his family. He is taking from his family for his sinful acts. How many times am i supposed to forgive him for the same stuff over and over. I deserve better. I am a good woman. I dont want to raise my baby in this enviroment. Honestly I want out I want a good christian man who is loyal and honest. I almost wished he cheated it would be easier for me to leave. I have no respect for him he makes me sick when I look at him. I walk around pretending he is a good man a good husband when he isnt. This isnt what I signed up for. I am so hurt and betrayed how can you love someone make a commitment in front of God and continuisly lie to them. He has everything a good wife a house a baby on the way a good family. but he still is willing to throw that all away. I am sick and tired of letting things go. I deserve happiness. I try to turn it over to God but Its hard when its my life my husband is destroying. I lay awake at night in tears asking God for forgiveness for my reactions and my way of handling this for my words and my anger. I feel guilty for not reacting in a christian way. For not being able to forgive. He doesnt deserve me or this baby. I know the Lord is Just and no sins go unpunished. His punishments from the Lord affect me too. I am afraid of what his dumb actions will do this family.
I feel so trapped and alone. I want to take my baby and run. I wish I could sometimes. How do I ever trust a man who keeps lying to me. He makes me sick. I know thats harsh but I feel so cheated. I know there are honest men out there and I married a liar.
Help please
What do I do
Nicole

Last edited by Dave; 20th December 2008 at 06:17 PM.
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Old 29th February 2008, 01:50 PM   #2
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: Christian woman needs advice to forgive

A difficult one Niong. One doesn't know whether he is slipping back into old ways and needs help or is just taking you for a ride and getting away with it. If the former then the lies do not add up. There is no excuse for dishonesty even if we are battling with a problem, although another reason could be that he is afraid of you as you have to run a tight ship.

The test would be whether he is willing to go for pastoral help. The pastor would get to know him and in time know what he is about whether genuine or not. Just falling back doesn't necessarily show that he is not genuine. He could still be trying to battle with his problem. The question is does he want to get on the right road or not.

On the face of it it appears that his decision for God was spurious and that you were deceived into marrying him through it. I could be wrong and hope that I am. If he has really repented there should and will be fruit in his life.

I really think you should try and ask him to see your pastor. If he cannot share with you, he might with the pastor. If the pastor finds good things but that he needs help he will contact you about it. If not prepare for the worse.

If he doesn't even want to get help then again you are on difficult ground and a trial seperation may be the thing to bring him to his senses and also give you a break..

Raymond
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Old 15th September 2008, 10:14 PM   #3
erin
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Re: Christian woman needs advice to forgive

wow, thats such a tough situation you're in. at the same time, you might be able to make things better by changing your outlook. Part of the problem from your end might be found in this quote: "i deserve happiness"
As Christians, we don't marry to be happy, we marry to glorify God, and that may mean perseverance in helping a husband who is walking far from God. I challenge you to consider your outlook that you deserve happiness, because although this is what our culture teaches us, its not true. The chief end of man is to glorify God. not to be "happy". Sometimes, glorifying God means suffering, maybe it even means sticking by your husband and persevering with him.
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Old 16th September 2008, 08:05 AM   #4
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: Christian woman needs advice to forgive

I find the contrary true. The more I allow God in my life the more I am fulfilled. What causes the problems are the things in me that need sorting.

Raymond
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