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Old 11th January 2010, 02:15 PM   #16
jellybean28
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

That's not something I would ever request not even for my worst enemy.

Strange thing is I've had a strange feeling about the engagement party for a few days, thought it was to do with sons' partner posting it on facebook. Still have that feeling. Will let you know next week if anything else happens.

Last edited by jellybean28; 12th January 2010 at 01:12 AM.
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Old 11th January 2010, 02:44 PM   #17
georgie
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

I'll be thinking positive thoughts !
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Old 11th January 2010, 07:38 PM   #18
Ageing Grace
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Crikey! What freaky timing!

(Grace sneaks in a nasty hope that the funeral & engagement party coincide - XH may have to go to the funeral )


Gillian - about your 'feeling': Are you sure you're not just waiting for the other three weddings (and Hugh Grant)?
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Old 12th January 2010, 01:11 AM   #19
jellybean28
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Thanks AG

Not waiting for more weddings but Hugh Grant there's a thought. Things are looking better already lol

I think XH would still come to the engagement if the funeral conicided, anything to avoid having to deal with emotions. Funny thing is had we still been together, he would have gone to the funeral instead of attend a special occasion of one of our kids.!!!! Makes you wonder sometimes.
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Old 12th January 2010, 02:58 PM   #20
dalesman
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Hi jellybean,
15 or 20 years ago I went through a period when I was best man at quite a few weddings. The reason I was so popular was I am quite a well built chap and my main duties was to keep apart feuding parents who were divorced and were forced to spend the day together at their offspring's weddings. The combination of ex partners , new partners and too much alcohol was a dangerous combination. There were some very funny incidents although I'm not sure the brides saw the funny side.
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Old 16th January 2010, 07:02 AM   #21
jellybean28
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Hi Everyone,

I'm back from the engagement party. If that's what you can call it. Sorry more like a Friday night backyard party for friends. With daughter in law to be very stressed Saying she didn't know why she had bothered and totallly disorganized, which made me feel very uncomfortable. She got herself totally drunk and by 10pm was almost involved in a fight out the front with some neighbours who had come down to congratulate them.
This girl has got some big problems!!!

As I was leaving D in Law to be told be Ex H wants all his family to be at wedding. This is not what the kids originally wanted, they just wanted brother and sister ex and I. He will pay costs for his family to be at wedding. As usual Ex H didn't have the balls to speak to me about it.

I made it very clear to D in Law to be (my daughter was also there) that if Ex's family attend I will not be there end of converstation. Son has been with girlfriend for six years and Ex H's family have not met her except his youngest sister and partner who was staying with him at Christmas, she met her once before when ex and I were together. His family haven't met my other two kids partners either.

Onto Ex he hardley said two words to me, the whole night, even when I was sitting with the kids and their partners, kept looking at me as if I were a piece of trash. (mind you he looks like that at people who don't meet his expectations). He as aged so much since I last saw him or spoke to him four months ago. He's beginning to get excess hair on his body like some men do when they age Oh so sexy NOT!!! Had a nice man hit on me at the hotel where I was staying!!! which made me feel great

The good news is finally I am so over him and the Wedding, well it's my son's decision Ex's family or me and I will accept the decision one way or the other. Life is to short!! Especially with OW's father dropping dead, preventing her going to engagement party when I didn't want her there anyway.

I've rambled for long enough and I so need to get some sleep
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Old 16th January 2010, 01:06 PM   #22
912jws
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Smile Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Good for you JB!

I think you sometimes need difficult situations like this to move you forward even if its a slow process some times.

One step forward, two steps forward as they say I am waiting for the one giant leap for mankind step forward, hopefully sometime this year fingers crossed

Jon
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Old 21st March 2010, 09:05 AM   #23
jellybean28
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Well guys
A fathers money means more to my son and daughter-law to be than the love and support of his mum. The fact that son and DIL are hopeless with money and will run out before said wedding in November says alot.
Still I have made my decision on this one and have decided to send my EX the following message. Please feel free to give me your oppinion before I send it. In two weeks time I am supposed to be going to look after my granddaugters while they go off on a holiday. I am in two minds about even doing this as I feel son and DIL are using me as EXH and OW won't do it.

Thanks for Giving C and B the money for their wedding, because of your paying for the wedding they have chosen to invite your brothers who have barely bothered with Craig for years. I did explain to Bianca that I wouldn’t be attending the wedding if they came – especially G and D.

A while ago I explained to T that I had been advised by my counselor not to attend family functions with your family as not only do I find it awkward I also find it to be upsetting for me.

All I can conceive of from all of this is that I must be a really lousy mother for my son to prefer to have his father pay for his family to be at his wedding in place of his mother.
If I could take back or apologize for whatever it was I said or did to make you hate me so much I would do so in an instant so that if nothing else we could at least continue to be friends for the sake of the kids. As I have done or said a terrible thing, maybe it would be better for me just to walk away from the kids. I did my best, to be a good mum and love them seems it wasn’t good enough.

I give up Nl, I don’t know how to fix whatever it is that I’ve done to cause you to hate me, when all I tried to do was to love you the best way I could. For some reason I still do love you and always will, I always thought you would try and work things out with me, the fact that you never bothered will hurt me forever.

No matter what I will always love the kids and our grandchildren. Please pass this on to them

Yours (I wish it could have been forever)

Sorry for the huge post, but I am really hurting on this, don't think I can keep up the fight for much longer. I feel like a fifth wheel where my family is concerned. Done my job, got em to adulthood, tossed out now am no longer needed.


Last edited by jellybean28; 16th April 2010 at 01:48 PM.
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Old 21st March 2010, 09:30 AM   #24
Wedgewood
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

OMG JB,

This is total BS, talk to me on FB or something!

I cant tell you how much I disagree with everyting in this post - I will probably get banned if I say what I am thinking right now!

Mark x
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Old 21st March 2010, 09:51 AM   #25
georgie
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Hi JB
In my opinion you will regret sending this. It is probably good that you have expressed it and put it on paper, now I would suggest that you tear it up ceremonially.
Contacting your ex is a waste of our time and emotional energy, as i said in my post he's just a b'tard and it's not your fault.
To your kids he will always be 50% of their parents. I understand how you feel on this, I go through it all the time, no matter how indifferent my ex is to his kids and their needs, they continue to love him just the same.
DIL/MIL relationships are always difficult - even the best are bloody hard work.
Your son is probably trying to do the right thing and it's possible he may to some extent be influenced by the money, but it is probably more trying to keep his dad happy and hoping you will come around.
You may feel used by your son and DIL about looking after your grand kids, but on the other hand they are your grand kids and they will love to see you and have unconditional love for you and that is a gift that you can return to them.
You dont have to fix you exe's feelings for you. He may display hatred for you, but we all know that that is the tool these people use to justify their own actions. It is not true hatred, and he will not be talked out of it... that would mean taking responsibility for his own actions, and they NEVER EVER do that, so dont waste your time waiting for him to do the right thing, he simply WILL NOT.
You move on and be your truly wonderful self JB.
Be bigger then all of this, you are the better person. He had to resort to cash bribes to people he knows need the money. That made it difficult for them because it is combined with their emotional attachment to him.

You do not need to send this letter. It will not make you feel better. By sending it to him you are just throwing more of your feelings in to an emotional void. He doesnt care, it doesnt suit him to care, that would open a whole big can of worms for him and it's not going to happen.

I empathise with you totally, I'm waiting on permission from my X for my sisster to take my kids to Qld for a couple of days - he doesnt bother responding at all. I am so tempted to say that's fine, she can take them on the day before your wedding instead..and stay there until the day after... but who would that hurt ultimately? the kids and then of course as a consequence me.

we can never ask our children to chose between their parents any more then we can be asked to chose between our children.

Please dont send the letter. See your counsellor, meditate, see your GP. This is hard, hard stuff, some of the hardest life can throw at you. Dont make it harder for yourself.

Who cares about Neil or his brothers - they are your history.. stuff them!

Your kids love you there is no doubt about that at all. xxx
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Old 21st March 2010, 10:09 AM   #26
jellybean28
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Thanks for your support guys, computer keeps crashing today so please don't be concerned if I suddenly go off line or don't answer.

Just got off the phone to my daughter, seems DIL has organized for her to come and help me look after the Kids, now I'm really p!##ed off. It seems she doesn't want me involved in the wedding except to look after the girls at the reception (that is if I go).Funny how a while back she wanted me to be involved because her own mum died a few years ago. But organizing my daughter to come look after the girls with me, without asking me first is pushing me too far. She also told daughter that she asked me because she couldn't get anyone else.

Stuff em I just don't care anymore. One day they will come to their senses and see just what they've lost.

Oh as for the email, don't know what has happended to it as my computer crashed, hadn't sent it, was just sitting there, will go and see if it went later.
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Old 21st March 2010, 12:59 PM   #27
georgie
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

hello again JB
Check out itunes - free podcast - Roy Masters Be still be now guided meditation - it's i think item number 17 on the list ... I think it will help clear your mind

I dont know anything about Roy Mastrs - he appears to be a fundamentalist christian - which is not my thing, but this is a good meditation. xxx
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Old 16th April 2010, 02:08 PM   #28
jellybean28
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Re: EXH taking girlfriend to sons wedding

Hi guys thought I would update you all on the Wedding fiasco.

I just spent a week looking after my granddaughters while Son and DIL to be went away for a week. Boy did I get my eyes opened.

The wedding money is in cheque form for each person who needs to be paid. Good idea as they went away with very little money, and left big debts behind. I had to buy a vacum cleaner for them as they haven't had one since before Christmas, the girls had no winter clothes to fit them, so I bought 3 outfits each for them and shoes for the youngest - DIL didn't like what I had bought when they got back.

DIL spends any money presents given to the girls on herself (son's not really aware I think). Infact she would rather spend money on herself/friends and entertainment than pay for the basics, clothes, rent, electricty etc. The only reason they eat good food is because my son insists they eat well.

Have realized that DIL to be is manipulative and expects everyone else to pay her way. Ha she may have the EX sucked in but not me.

As for the Wedding I am only being invited to babysit the girls along with my daugther (son's sister) Ex, BOW his parents and youngest son are all are all sitting next to the bridal table, daughter and I along with a couple of other people and girls have been relegated some where at the back of the room.

I will go to the wedding along with my daughter. I will be nice, polite and sociable. As for DIL to be, I really don't care about her attitude. It doesn't change the fact that I love my son and his daughter and never will. What she doesn't realize is how bad this is making her look, just wish my son would wake up to her, his fear is he will lose his daughter if he doesn't go through with this whole fiasco.

In the meantime I am so grateful that I had a wonderful week with my granddaughter. She is such a delight and I will cherish that week always, my daughter came up and spent time with us also, our relationship is getting stronger each day and I am so proud of her.

As for my Ex - I've seen him for the lying, cheating B@#@ard that he really is, glad I didn't send the email he's not worth it.
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