not in love, maybe haven't been, not sure what to do
I come here baring my soul. This is the first time I have written/verbalized my thoughts, and I figured since this is a marriage advice forum it would be a good place to start.
In short, I have come to terms with... not realized, but stopped denying... that I am not in love with my wife.
I'm 28, and have been married for 4 years. I respect and care about my wife, and she is one of the most kind hearted and loving people I know. But, when I think about her or look at her, there is nothing. No desire, no chemistry, nothing beyond thoughts of an old friend.
A few years before our wedding, we broke up. I was leaving town; and I told her, and meant it, that I didn't love her. Of course it hurt, but we went our separate ways. i had to stay in town to clear up some final things before moving, and ended up getting back together with her. Honestly I don't know why, I was probably being a stupid horny boy. But, I ended up at her place, and we stayed together. I moved away, and we kept in contact via phone and email. For some reason I decided to get her a ring, and when she came to visit I proposed.
Why? I suppose... I was content, comfortable, settled. So I went with it. We have no kids, no house, nothing joined except rent, some bills, and a car. Even our banks are separate.
Fast forward to now. She moved to where I did. We get along, respect each other, sleep together, and have sex. In bed I do what I can to please her because I feel it is the right thing to do. But, I'M not happy. I feel broken, holed up in myself to make someone else happy in my lie. I've considered an affair or one night stand, but I would never do it as I respect her and our vows too much. I crave an emotional attachment more than anything, but I distance myself from women to keep from getting attached to anyone and betraying my wife.
At this point, I'm just not sure how to proceed. I'm fairly certain that counseling won't do anything...
So, thoughts, advice, insight. I'm all ears.
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