My wife told me she does'nt love me anymore, but does'nt want to leave.

I've been with my wife for 26 years, 20 of these married. I am 49 and she is 46.
Early January she told me she no longer loved me and had'nt for a year or so. Things had been uneasy for a few months we hardly spent time together. She would read go on Twitter fb Instagram and go to bed early.
I had been very busy at work a and had injured me knee which meant I rested it at home so I can carry on working.
After she told me I said I would leave and our two sons could stY with her. We told the kids and I was leaving that night. My eldest son of 18 would not accept that I should leave because he blamed his mum saying she was wrong because she had been shouting and angry not me.
So I promised him I'd stay, so I told my wife I was not going to leave my boys. She then said she hadn't thiufgt IT throufh enough and wanted me to stay so we could work on getting back.
The wired thing is she can't give me any concrete reason why she stopped loving me and now says she wants to love me again.
We share the same bed and cuddle at night and in the morning. I tell her I love but she just says "I know you do".
We chT away fine and she even kisses my cheek when one of us leaves to work.
I am confused by all this and not sure what to do.
She says I may not like her the way she is as she's changed.
The situation has become hard to resolve because her father has just been diagnosed with lung cancer.
I have told her that we should put our situation on hold so she can focus on that and that I will do all I can to support her through it.
Is she being truthful about wanting is to work? Or does she just not want to lose a son?
I am 100% certaib so trust me there is no infidelity here at all.
Could it be medical, I did think it was side effects of Topiramate she takes for migraine. This coincides with her change in mood but our doctor won't take her off them.
Thanks for reading.
J

[notDoneYet]

Hi Jules. Sorry that you find yourself here. One question, could there be an Emotional Affair going on? All that time on social media is a bit suspicious.

[chosen]

I dont think that a drug would make you loose your love for someone.
Do you know what she does on facebook and twitter etc? So may relationships have gone wrong due to inappropriate activity on the internet. Why does she shout and get angry with you?

Dont ever leave. Your children need you, and the older one clearly would rather be with you anyway.

No problem really with fb as we have the same friends.
Twitter she only follows women so I'm very sure that's not the issue.
I've read side effects of Topiramate and they are bad.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jules68

No problem really with fb as we have the same friends.
Twitter she only follows women so I'm very sure that's not the issue.
I've read side effects of Topiramate and they are bad.

When did you wife start the tablets?
I get bad migraines, and I now take Migraleve(Buclizine hydrochloride) as soon as they start. They are amazing.
The only way she could tell if it is them is if she stops them for a while, but I doubt that they would merely make her stop loving you.

Do you have full access to all of her online accounts? The things is that you cant possibly know what she is doing all the time on line, and often when one spouse suddenly says they no longer love the other, there is almost always a reason.

[notDoneYet]

Originally Posted by chosen

When did you wife start the tablets?
I get bad migraines, and I now take Migraleve(Buclizine hydrochloride) as soon as they start. They are amazing.
The only way she could tell if it is them is if she stops them for a while, but I doubt that they would merely make her stop loving you.

Do you have full access to all of her online accounts? The things is that you cant possibly know what she is doing all the time on line, and often when one spouse suddenly says they no longer love the other, there is almost always a reason.

May I also add its never immediate. It takes time to come to that conclusion.

Cheers Chosen,
She uses Twitter but I've seen her acc and she has no messages on Instagram she only has 7 followers the same as she follows.
As for fb she has same friends she never uses email as I get those to my acc.
She does follow Dave Beckham and Hugh Jackman.
She's handed me her iPhone to check but I refused to look at it saying I don't need to.

She started taking the Topiramate early October before that she was on beta blockers as her migraines were horific

[Raymond]

The important thing to me is that she said she wants to start loving you again and that it was a mistake. Tt might be something to do with the menopause perhaps?

Love in marriage is partly the will as well as feelings. To honour the marriage vows is a good thing if that is where she is coming from. I know that your trust and self esteem has been dented a bit but I think the best thing is to take her at her word. We are all changing and sometimes have to reconsider our decisions. It's part of the hurdles one has to get over in marriage.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jules68

She started taking the Topiramate early October before that she was on beta blockers as her migraines were horific

Yes mine were also horrific, and left me incapacitated for 2 or 3 days. I couldn't even get words out sometimes and my speech was slurred. It was as if I was having a stroke, but it lasted ages.

I am in the UK, you can buy these tablets over the counter. They have been a miracle for me.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by Jules68

She started taking the Topiramate early October before that she was on beta blockers as her migraines were horific

So she said that she stopped loving you many months before she took the tablets.

Some good marriage counselling may help, as well having a date night out once a week, finding a good marriage enrichment course or weekend, going for weekends away together, finding a hobby that you can both do, and generally giving each other that quality time.

A book that may help is called 'The Five Love languages' by Gary Chapman.

I agree with the point that social media is a marriage killer. Many use the time there to avoid intimacy in the marriage and flirtations happen often that lead to real emotional pitfalls. Fantasy becomes more real than mundane marriages. Maybe there is dialogue being deleted or used under another name?

Don't even consider to leave your home! It may be that the familiarity of marriage has taken the excitement to a dull thud. Time to buy her some perfume and be the lover who reminds her of the man she knew years ago.

I hate to hear anyone ever says to a mate that they stopped loving them. That is sure hurtful to hear, BUT take that as a challenge, and not an ultimatum or fact. You both need the romance to be reopened. You need good talks about your good years together. You can't have dialogue when one is on the internet and the other watches the TV.

In the states many couples join a gym or rec center together. They work to get healthier and looking better. The gyms are cheap and open 24 hours. Many go for coffee afterwards and some gyms even have a juice bar for snacks. This is sure a healthy lifestyle and often benefits couples for a better bedroom times. Exercise can spark up the energy level and gives the couple quality time together. It sounds like you have a great marriage, but you both just need a jolt of spending time together.

Thanks for that.

Dear Jules68,

There is nothing so romantic as talking about the beginning. That is the very moment when you realized she was the one. Most of us remember the time when we realized we didn't want to live without that PERSON. That feeling to recall this is such a blessing, as it brings back all the warm special feelings. We tend to get lost in the today with all the mundane stuff that goes on with our lives. We haven't forgotten that moment, but we don't often just recall it. I think you should have that conversation with your wife.

That talk needs a quiet place and a conversation (that is not accusing), as not about her closing down on you, or why you feel hurt about it. The talk could be with a glass of wine (if that is your pleasure), or over a pleasant coffee, when just the two of you are alone. I could tell you that looking in her face, right in her eyes, is a good beginning, to say how important she is to you. You might say "I remember the instant when I knew I loved you...it was..."

I remember that moment with my husband. It was the very first date we went on together! We actually spent an afternoon with my 3.5 yr old daughter, to visit a historical area in the city. It was a warm October day and the leaves were jewel tones of red and gold all around us. It could not have been a more beautiful day. I sat at an outside park bench, while he bought ice cream cones there for us. My daughter was all excited to help him carry these to the table. I thought about the day, the talk, the laughter, and how kind he was to my child. I had the thought that I could listen to him all my life. That was the instant I realized he might be the one. That was a real instant jolt of emotion from my usual cool feeling about a man. It seems he had a similar thought about me. This was all a big surprise for family and friends when we married 25 days later. I still enjoy to listen to my husband, as I have these 35 years. We often talk about that pretty fabulous day and how that all went. God loves lovers and gives them these moments to cherish.

I hope you talk to your wife and recall your own special time. There must be a lot of good memories in your time together. Maybe you forget to walk back in memory? We can recall these times together and it gives us those good feelings about that person. The years can tend to wear us down. Maybe you forgot how great it is to recall these times together. Please give this a go. Don't talk about the bad stuff, just the good stuff. I pray you find your way back.

Thank you very much
x