Is it normal to feel so down ? - Page 2 - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

chosen · 18th February 2015, 06:32 PM

Maybe the vicar can ask her what happened to make her leave? Most couples feel the same ralf, that they will never break up. Sadly 40% of marriages do end, but you do have a right to find out exactly why she did what she did, and why she didnt say anything earlier.

ralfgarnett · 18th February 2015, 08:18 PM

I just wish I knew what to say or write in order to win her back, I have told her I miss her and have always loved her im on the verge of giving up and just not saying or doing anything to her, can ayone please give me some advice on the best way to try to win her back I just want her to listen to me and what I have to say, should I just say nothing for now and try to forget about it for a while.

chosen · 18th February 2015, 09:03 PM

I think that your priest should speak to her and find out what her intentions are. Apart from that I would leave it.
YOu need to know exactly where you are, and if she is still sure that she wont come back, then you have to accept whatever she says.

ralfgarnett · 19th February 2015, 12:43 PM

I have had a moment of pure clarity, I need to look after myself and ensure that I earn enough money to keep a roof over my head, she is not my number one priority any more I have no say over what she does but I do have a say in how I progress from now on, I must stop ruminating about her it is making me ill very ill, I need to be calm, I need to be focused, I cant help feeling sad and hurt but it will pass in time, if I look at my life as a jigsaw then I need to put the right pieces in the right places in order to make up my image.

chosen · 19th February 2015, 03:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

I have had a moment of pure clarity, I need to look after myself and ensure that I earn enough money to keep a roof over my head, she is not my number one priority any more I have no say over what she does but I do have a say in how I progress from now on, I must stop ruminating about her it is making me ill very ill, I need to be calm, I need to be focused, I cant help feeling sad and hurt but it will pass in time, if I look at my life as a jigsaw then I need to put the right pieces in the right places in order to make up my image.

Now THATS from God.

ralfgarnett · 23rd February 2015, 01:34 PM

Just got back from counselling, my counsellor thinks I am stuck on accepting that its over, I wish I could accept it and move on but how do you accept something so sad and final ?.

chosen · 23rd February 2015, 02:32 PM

Ralf yes thats what I have felt for ages. You need to make plans for your future life without her, and stop hoping for her to change her mind. You have to accept her decision.

ralfgarnett · 23rd February 2015, 07:18 PM

i just cant get her out of my mind I just keep thinking about her all the time and how much I miss her, I even think she might come back and try again whats up with me ? I have never felt like this ever before in my life I feel almost paralised by it all I just don't seem to function correctly I feel so tired most of the time and scared so scared of spending the rest of my life without her, we weren't like this when we lived together I didn't spend all my time obsessing over her I was just happy to have her around and spend time together comfortable in each others company, when will it end why am I feeling like this all the time ?, I actually feel damaged by all this when will it end ?.

chosen · 23rd February 2015, 07:27 PM

YOu must stop yourself doing this. Dont allow your mind to dwell and obsess. Read a book, watch something on tv, go out, see a film, meet with friends, but you must stop this as it will stop you continuing the grieving process. Didn't the priest say that he would speak to her? Maybe if he can tell you again that she still refuses to come back, it will sink in better.

ralfgarnett · 24th February 2015, 09:30 AM

I wish I could stop Chosen, my sleep has been quite good this past week probably due to all the meds I now take at bedtime, but woke at 6 this morning panicking about her, my kittys, , us, the mortgage, my business, she has caused all this by her actions but yet I crave her love and company I must be stark raving mad, she obviously doesn't give a damn about us any more yet here I am worrying myself sick almost to the point of a breakdown at times, yes there have been times where I honestly have felt as though I have been mentally imploding that's how bad I have felt at times, it has to stop now no more fretting no more ruminating, it has to stop I deserve better than this I need to get strong and healthy because I need to earn to keep a roof over our heads and food in our tummys.

chosen · 24th February 2015, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

I wish I could stop Chosen, my sleep has been quite good this past week probably due to all the meds I now take at bedtime, but woke at 6 this morning panicking about her, my kittys, , us, the mortgage, my business, she has caused all this by her actions but yet I crave her love and company I must be stark raving mad, she obviously doesn't give a damn about us any more yet here I am worrying myself sick almost to the point of a breakdown at times, yes there have been times where I honestly have felt as though I have been mentally imploding that's how bad I have felt at times, it has to stop now no more fretting no more ruminating, it has to stop I deserve better than this I need to get strong and healthy because I need to earn to keep a roof over our heads and food in our tummys.

Yes you need to think of yourself now and your future well being.

ralfgarnett · 24th February 2015, 04:07 PM

I am going to see him again tomorrow I think to see if he will talk to her on my behalf, I cant go on like this the wave hit me again earlier and I couldn't stop crying I had to ring the Samaritans just for someone to talk to

chosen · 24th February 2015, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ralfgarnett

I am going to see him again tomorrow I think to see if he will talk to her on my behalf, I cant go on like this the wave hit me again earlier and I couldn't stop crying I had to ring the Samaritans just for someone to talk to

See if he will see her and explain what is happening to you and see if she has any thoughts of ever coming back. If the answer is no, then you will need to finally accept that its over sadly.
How about you book 2 weeks away in Malta?

ralfgarnett · 24th February 2015, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chosen

See if he will see her and explain what is happening to you and see if she has any thoughts of ever coming back. If the answer is no, then you will need to finally accept that its over sadly.
How about you book 2 weeks away in Malta?

that would be lovely but cant face Malta at the moment too many recent memories and I need to put more effort in to the business February has been a really poor sales month, things slowly starting to pick up but its been a slog, that hasn't helped my mood either as I have been worrying about that and the mortgage and, our kittys, and anything else that comes under my radar

N654563 · 27th February 2015, 03:14 PM

Hi Ralph, I really feel for you. I am in a similar situation as you as my wife has just told me our 16 year marriage is over and it came out of the blue and hit me like a steam train (I have just posted my own thread). Everything bad that you have mentioned in your post is very real to me as well, I feel everything that you are feeling and I don't know where to go from here. I have real fears that I don't want to try and get over her and that I am going to win her back even though she has told me it won't happen. How do you get over that? I don't know, especially as it came from nowhere and was so unexpected. I also feel like I have no future especially as we don't our own home, we rent, I have no assets, all of our money is gone each month on living costs and to make it worse the business that I run is all in her name as I have bad financial issues from the past. I stand to lose everything and will have nowhere to go! I don't have many friends to turn to and am very afraid of my desire not to feel this pain will take me to a place where I make a stupid decision to end the pain. I am reluctant to visit doctors and take medication as I think it may make my situation worse. Envy thing I read has said that things get better with time and I really hope so because I don't see a future for myself at the moment.

I really hope you find the closure that you need and can move on in your life and be happy as this pain sucks. Best wishes mate and stay strong as I will try to