why cant my husband be supportive - 2-in-2-1 Discussion Forums

agc · 11th February 2015, 11:19 PM

Need some advice and opinions on my situation. Iv been married for a year and a half. My husband works but i lost my job due to a mistake i made. I did not tell my husband what id done until i was dismissed because i was afraid of how he would react. My husband is an angry person and i was scared he would leave me. So i didn't tell him until i lost my job. I accept that it was my fault but my husband keeps telling me that iv ruined our future. We both want to move out from his parents place and buy a new house but he keeps making me feel that iv made things more difficult by loosing my job. I didn't mean to loose my job but every time iv been rejected by an employer he gets angry and does not talk me. I'm not in a hurry to move out but he is. I am trying my best to move forward and hope that i do get back into work but my husband always puts me down which does not help. I just wished that he didnt get so angry about it but be more supportive. I cant turn back the clocks but i can only hope and pray that i do get a job soon. Is he right to react this way?

Raymond · 12th February 2015, 10:14 AM

It's not healthy to put this condemnation on you. If you made a mistake like we all make mistakes he should be able to overlook this for the sake of the marriage. You haven't ruined his future. What could ruin it is his attitude, not the circumstances.

Can not his parents talk to him as it seems he is behaving very unreasonably? Really these kind of things are able to be mended quite easily without all this condemnation. He is way over reacting to say the least.

agc · 12th February 2015, 10:53 AM

He's always been like this. His parents do tell him not to keep going on about it but because of the way he is they just let him be. His parents are not much help to be honest because they say that had i not lost my job he wouldn't be upset about it. Iv spoken to my own family and they are the opposite. They feel he shouldn't react this way. He's just a stubborn person and lets out his frustration on me. But thanks for replying raymond, glad you think this way about the situation.

chosen · 12th February 2015, 12:57 PM

Could it be that he is frustrated at still having to live with his parents? Its never a good idea to do that when you are married. Could you afford to rent a little place of your own for the time being?

agc · 15th February 2015, 07:17 AM

Chosen- the thing is due to our culture it is desirable that the son and his wife lives with his parents for a while. He actually suggested we should live here until we have children then move out. We have been trying for a baby for a year and a half and have started to undergo treatment so things have not worked out as planned. It might be that things have not gone the way he wanted that he is frustrated. Its now come to a point where he hasn't spoken to me for 2 weeks. He says he wants to be left alone which I respect but i feel i am being punished for what iv done and am loosing my husband.

chosen · 15th February 2015, 09:52 AM

it sounds as if he is pretty immature to be honest, and it may not be a good idea to have children at this point anyway with the marriage so unstable.

Raymond · 16th February 2015, 09:05 AM

I think he is being immature as well. Forgiveness is essential in marriage and he needs to find that place of forgiveness of you.

I assume that you made a mistake at work and you got fired. We don't know the ins and out of it but if it was a mistake it is over. You are sorry and he should forgive. This dragging it out with condemnation is silly. I suppose you have no choice as it is his behaviour and you have to let him pout until he comes round but if he is trying to make you pay for something that is extremely unhealthy for a marriage. I don't think the future will open up until he deals with the present.

agc · 18th February 2015, 11:46 PM

I agree Raymond. I just wish he was more encouraging. We are still not talking. I'm staying at my mums at the moment to give him space. He hasn't called and neither have I. I guess I will have to see how he is when I get back....

Raymond · 19th February 2015, 09:51 AM

I don't know what else you can do while he is like this agc. Pandering to him will only enable it more I think. Yes it's unfortunate that it puts it back with regard to getting a house etc. but that's life. He seems to be stuck on the negative instead of moving forward. He needs to accept it, forgive you and move forward. It's not the end of the world. Another job could come up for you. The real problem is your marriage however. I would class it as mental cruelty at the moment.

The ball is in his court. He is the one who is angry. You are sorry for him that it has put things back a bit and I am sure you have told him that. The actual mistake at work is really nothing to do with him, even though it affects your plans. I assume the mistake was on a work level and nothing else. I feel there is a bit of control there from him which is not good.

I think you have to let him cool off. It might be right to stay at your mother's until he asks you back. If he doesn't learn the lesson now when will he?

chosen · 19th February 2015, 03:18 PM

I agree with Raymond. Stay away until he is prepared to begin communicating again, there is no point in you living in a silent unhappy home with him. I cant believe that his parents havent given him a good talking to about his childish behaviour, it must be awkward and unpleasant for them as well. Its very controlling.

agc · 19th February 2015, 03:36 PM

I lost my job because of an error on my part. If anything iv let myself down and not him. Yes I agree he is controlling and it is effecting me mentally. His parents have spoken to him about his behaviour but the saying is- like father like son. So I'm stuck really. I'm glad I'm at my mums because its given me a chance to tell her what's been happening. I go back on Sunday. Will keep in touch.

Raymond · 20th February 2015, 09:18 AM

Are you saying his father is the same?

agc · 20th February 2015, 12:09 PM

Yes he is Raymond. His father behaves the same way with his mother. So he can't really do or say anything when he is just the same.

Raymond · 21st February 2015, 08:25 AM

It has obviously come down the line which makes it more difficult than it normally would. We can all change but things that come down from parents are very stubborn. He has to really want to change and then he would need God's help in my opinion. Does the mother just live under this or does she stand up for herself?

agc · 21st February 2015, 06:41 PM

No my mother in law has lived with it all her life. You are right Raymond these people cannot change. Still no call or text from him or even his parents. See what tomorrow brings... I am worried but trying to stay positive.