Help My wife says she is in love with someone else

Hello

My wife and I have been together since I was 19 and she was 18. We have been together for 16 years and would have been married for 13 years this year. We have 3 girls 12, 10 and nearly 3. She says that she has been going through the motions for some time. She met a 22 year old man at work. She sees him most days but says they will only ever be just friends. I don't want to lose her or my children. We have had our problms but always got through. I genuinely thought she loved and wanted to stay with me forever. She now says she stopped loving me at 20.Everybody says she will get bored and come back I don't know if its true.

Please help me I am desperate.

[chosen]

Has she actually left you?
It sounds as if she is having at the least an emotional affair, and this has made her think she no longer loves you, when of course what she feels for this guy is infatuation and maybe lust but not love.
For the sake of your children I hope that she will not be a total idiot and leave you for a guy who is barely more than a kid. Please suggest that you both go to marriage counseling so that you can talk this through. I get so mad and sad when people act this way. Its completely selfish and she has no idea how badly this will affect the children.

Hello

Thanks for the reply. Its more of an emotional affair at this stage. I got a new job and got busy at work. She decided to work evenings to pay for a new holiday. She met him there. I haven't reacted well and I have shouted too much. I do feel like I am being set up as she says horrible things to me that I react and shout. Then she records it. She called the police on New Years eve after I had shouted and gone to my mum's. I don't think there is a chance for my marriage but I have to try as she is the only person I have ever loved.

She hasn't left yet as she can't afford to. She is looking at a place to rent in the morning but will need me to pay her money to do it. If she realises she will be able to demand this by law.

I don't want to lose my wife or my kids. I don't want to be a weekend dad. My wife and kids are my world. But I can't compete with new and exciting. I am boring and trap her with the kids.

Sorry I meant to say that she has refused counselling as they will only try to get her to stay.

[chosen]

If she leaves please dont pay anything for her rent. She has a home and if she chooses to leave then she needs to pay for it. She can leave the children with you and live with family or get a bed sit, if thats all she can afford. Don't help her to leave in anyway at all. She must live with the consequences of her actions.
If she says horrible things to you then go into another room or out for a walk. Dont give her ammunition. To be honest her behaviour is appalling, cruel and childish. You may need to get legal advise.

Hi

Thanks I agree but the law in sunny old England allows her to do this. The best I can get is to buy her out of the house and give her some money to rent somewhere. She is seen as the primary carer so I can't do anything about it.

Right now I hate her but I still love her so much. I also don't want to lose my kids.

[chosen]

Originally Posted by curo2

Hi

Thanks I agree but the law in sunny old England allows her to do this. The best I can get is to buy her out of the house and give her some money to rent somewhere. She is seen as the primary carer so I can't do anything about it.

Right now I hate her but I still love her so much. I also don't want to lose my kids.

I am British but I dont know any law that makes the spouse being abandoned responsible for paying their spouses rent. In fact that seem mad. Yes you could agree to buy her out if you can afford it, but that will presumably take time to arrange a mortgage etc, or you could sell the house and have half each to get somewhere else, but that too will take time. Either way she will need to wait to move out until she can afford to do so. if she wants to be single then she needs to pay for it and feel the consequences.

Isnt she worried about the terrible effects on the children from tearing them from their home and father? SO selfish.

I would get legal advise, you may be able to go after joint custody and ask about the house and finances as well.

[ronnoco]

Hello Curo2,

I feel for you really bad because I've been where you are. I've had the 'I don't love you' speech delivered and I know how soul destroying it is.

So, your wife is 34 and he is 22 - what a mug she is. She wont see it of course because that's what happens when someone becomes infatuated. The heart becomes divided between you and him, she thinks she loves you like a best friend/brother because of it and she will have entered a fantasy land where she pictures in her head this new exciting perfect lifestyle with this new person.

The reality is that a 22 year old kid isn't going to want to stay with a 34 year old mum with 3 kids - it's just not going to work long term. But, as so often, it seems some women just change when they get this male attention. They become like strangers and as Chosen said, extremely Selfish.

It's hard to advise what to do really because everyone has free will and just like a bird can't fly on a broken wing, a marriage can function with a broken spouse.

I ended up buying my wife out and things have worked out very well for me as I have shared custody and still live in the family home.

Following some of this list may help you : -

http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forum...d.php?p=256158

All the best my friend.

Thanks for all the support guys. We slept in the same bed last night. We just hugged. But she says I love her and she loves him. The legal advice I have had is that i am in a week position. She wants to live together as friends. But I don't know what to do. If he goes I think I could get her back.

[chosen]

Well if the 'living together as friends' includes her seeing the other guy, then surely you will say no? How about you confront this man and warn him off?

Hello Chosen

She came back again and has now changed her mind again! She says she loves our family but we don't work. His friend threatened me on Facebook the other day. If I confronted him it would only drive her towards him.

[chosen]

His friend threatened you? About what????

Sadly you cant stop her from acting like an idiot. It wont last, what 22 year old will stay with a married woman in her 30's with three children? However please dont do anything to help her do this stupid thing. Dont enable her to leave. Make it clear that if she leaves she will have no help from you. PLease also get an appt with a solicitor who knows about family law.

[ronnoco]

Do a print out and take a screen shot of that threat.

That could well work to your advantage in the future. If you think of worse case scenario (which you need to do) that could be used in a court of law to help prove adultery.

Thanks guys. She really hates me now because I spoke to the school ans social services are now involved....

[chosen]

WHy are social services involved? What did you tell the school?