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Old 3rd February 2007, 03:16 AM   #1
aragorn
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I am never satisfied

My first marriage ended after abuse and my current husband saved me amd married me. He took me on with 4 children and gave me everything. As years have gone by I realise we are not compatable and want totally different things. I try to love him but find my needs unmet and have had a few affairs of which I have told him about. He stays with me and says I am his life. I feel more pushed into a corner and stay for the children.
I do love him and care about him but become deeply depressed and disatisfied with our now 12 year relationship and am not looking forward to the rest of my life. It would destroy the children if we split. How do I carry on. How can I change this so it works ? HELP
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Old 3rd February 2007, 04:31 AM   #2
quil
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Re: I am never satisfied

First of all, you are very lucky...i mean...it is really hard to find a person who loves you with 4 kids...and the fact that he stays with u after telling him of your affairs and your sadness of the relationship...wow you have to admit he loves you for real.

I dont know it this would help but let me tell u I lived something similar in my marriage, for years I kept feeling that I didnt loved him anymore, that i was unsatisfied, and looking and finding more and more things to dislike him...likewise I didnt wanted to split 4 the kids so i had a miserable life....so a few months ago, i found and article,here..in this site...and suddenly something made me realise that the main problem ..was me! I was just looking what I didnt have, what I didnt liked, what i hated, and if I didnt changed, I would keep like that all my life, waisted, in hate.
So I thought It would be worth to just try one last time, for me, and for the kids...and by heart make a twist in my attitude toward him, began slowly to change my way of seeing him, I wiped out of my mind the unsatisfied feelings when I saw him...and you know? it worked,,,i discovered I still loved him...and I was just harming myself with those bad thoughts every day for so many years. now I enjoy his company, I accept his 'bad'points with love...and i feel so peaceful now.

So, please ask yourself if you can make one last try, for you, for your kids, for him also, cause its obvious he loves u very much
wish u luck!
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Old 3rd February 2007, 09:10 AM   #3
markus
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Re: I am never satisfied

Do the man a favour ........LEAVE !

Selfish thing !!
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Old 3rd February 2007, 06:31 PM   #4
Kate
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Posts: 1,115
Re: I am never satisfied

Aragorn,

I am not certain but I think the article that Quil is referrinf to is Why should I be the one to change by Michele Weiner-Davis.

Kate
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Old 4th February 2007, 05:50 AM   #5
amber2
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Re: I am never satisfied

Aragorn,

First of all, ignore the ignorant statement from that very unkind person. Judgement day from the One who matters hasn't come yet and if you are saved, your sins will be covered with His blood, all you need is to ask His forgiveness.

Second, I can relate to you. I have a story almost identical to quil. I, too, was never happy with my husband in our early years. I always thought of all his bad points and the needs I had that he did NOT fulfill for me. I openly and repeatedly told him I was going to leave him and get a divorce. One day while cleaning house and thinking, it suddenly dawned on me that I was the problem. I knew I needed to change my attitude. I also began to work on concentrating on his good points which were many! I began to give instead of expecting to receive and my whole life changed. I changed, my husband changed, our marriage changed, all for the better and it was simply by changing my attitude and train of thought. No one will ever meet all of our needs and we all have sin in our lives. Lord knows I have plenty and that is why I'm here. We still have our problems but we stick them out and work through them, so far, it has always been better on the other side when we are over the hump. Now, whenever I have a problem with anyone, not just my husband, I have learned to first look at myself in the mirror to see what I can change about me and not the other way around.
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Old 4th February 2007, 08:37 AM   #6
markus
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Re: I am never satisfied

Quote:
First of all, ignore the ignorant statement from that very unkind person.
Yes ignore me and listen to amber who is also a cheating wife
she's so kind ....she put her partner through pure devastation and now thinks the sun shines out her ars*e

Judas !
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Old 4th February 2007, 06:09 PM   #7
Bishek
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Re: I am never satisfied

I agree with markus.
At least my wife was never promisquous nor she engaged herself in any kind of emotional relationship with any male dancing partner. She is the only one in the whole world that can dance Salsa 'Like lover but not as one'.
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Old 4th February 2007, 09:14 PM   #8
Liz
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662
Re: I am never satisfied

Markus

Please stop handing out abuse. You have shared some of the difficulties in your life, but you have no right to be abusive to others who have made mistakes and found a way through them.

If you disagree with someone's opinion then do say so, but please do not attack them personally.

Liz
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Old 4th February 2007, 11:44 PM   #9
FrontPorchRocker
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Re: I am never satisfied

I will tell you exactly how to go on. You suck it up! You carry on and do what needs to be done and quiet being so damn selfish. If he knows you've cheated and he still wants to be with you...OMG Who the hell do you think you are? At this point, you owe him more than what you are worth. You ought to thank God that you are NOT getting what you deserve. Most of the time, I try real hard not to judge people because we are all sinners and I have no right. But, you are absolutely the problem. It is NOT your job to worry about what you are or are not getting from your husband. You take care of him and his needs, and then if God wants you to have what you need, then you will get it.

I love my husband and I constantly question myself if I am doing everything i can to make my husband happy. He might tell me every couple of years that he loves me. I crave affection and attention to the point that it consumes me if I am not careful. I have to remember that he is God's child and I have to treat him as such. I have never cheated on my husband but learned early on if I spend all my time trying to please him, I become a lot happier because I am not dwelling on what I'm not getting. If you need help, you are gonna have to ask God for it.

Take some responsibility for yourself. Let God change his heart if it needs changing. Marriage is supose to be work and he intended for it to be hard most of the time. If you don't work for it, you won't appreciate it, nurture it...He gave you a great gift and look what you are doing....
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Old 5th February 2007, 02:18 AM   #10
poppy
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Re: I am never satisfied

Hi aragorn. I'm sorry to read how unhappy you are. Gratitude for your husband will not make you love him as you know and I sympathise with you. Having affairs as you've obviously found isn't the answer either. Have you thought about counselling for yourself. You might find it helpful to talk to someone outside of the relationship and help you find a way forward with or without your husband.
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