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Old 11th May 2008, 03:13 PM   #1
kyalan
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Thumbs up Caught her!! And now I have closure

Afternoon All....

Been away for a while, but now feeling great.

And here's why.......

Thursday last week I decided to drive home to have 1 last attempt at reconciling with my wife.

I arrive at 7:30, to see another car on the drive.
So I walk up to the window and peer into the front room, only to see my wife lying on the sofa with another man!! Kissing, cuddling and groping
each other

First thoughts were "kill him", but then I thought, no. And the reason why I thought no is because 1. I knew he would ring the police 2. I just felt numb - I didn't even get angry.

So the other man runs off as quick as he could (I actually let him through the door)

Wife says the usual "it's not what it looks like" - so I just said I'm going to get my son and go. At which point she starts to cry and says I'll never get to see him again and she'll make sure I never see him again.

So I drive off with my son.

5 Mins later, in the town centre, I am surrounded by 6 police cars and dragged from my vehicle.
ARRESTED! what for?

1. Assault - wife claimed I hit her and strangled her, I even picked her up and dumped her on her back apparently. - 2/3 years in jail

2. Kidnap - caimed I kidnapped my son - 2 years in jail

3. Criminal damage - said I broke her car door handles - yes I did, but I was trying to get my sons car seat out of her car and didn't do it intentionally - 1/2 years in jail

4. Child neglect - claims I was seen driving from the street with my son on my lap and not in a car seat - the claims were from Mother-in-law and wife. - Can be up to 4 years in jail

5. Theft - when loverboy ran out of the house, he left his sat Nav on the side - so I picked it up and asked who's it was - W replied "Mine" - even wrote in her police statement it was hers - a year in jail maybe?

Anyway, after 17 hours in a police cell, the police were trying to convict me of all sorts - but W changed her story twice and no evidence was forth coming - no eye witnesses to me apparrently strangling her in the street, (in full view of the neighbours may I add)

I was let go free of charge, but received a caution for breaking her car door handles - which I admit to doing.

She had no marks on her, no sign of this "wild struggling fight" that we supposedly had - the house was spotless!

In the 17 hrs in the cell, I have never thought so hard in my life. When was the last time I was happy? What does she exactly "do" for me?

And the answers - it's all in my other post "how can I get her to realise what she's losing?"
I was happy for maybe 1 year, but that's it.

I have had some good times, and I don't feel bitter at all.
I am quite happy and feel fine. I don't have to put up wit her tantrums, strops, wild fists, verbal and physical abuse.

2 good things have come out of this relationship
My son, and the valuable life experience I have gained.

Re: the divorce, I have ben collecting evidence.
The solicitors are rubbing their hands because all the evidence is so heavily against her, they really think she is F*CKED!

So far I have

Proof she was out with him (photo) and also a txt message from the same night saying she was at home in bed by 10pm. Yet the date and time on the photo, clearly state that 3 hrs later, she was out with loverboy.

Witnesses who will give statements to say that loverboy has been staying at the house ever since I left a week ago.

His name, address, shoe size, - everything about him to cite him as the 3rd party in the divorce.

Testaments from her two friends to say that they have witnessed my W out with him - and I must make an apologie to both of them - all the stories my wife had been telling me about them two....they were all completely false.

But the unbelieveable thing is that her parents say she has done nothing wrong - NOTHING WRONG?!?! I'm better off out of it and I certainly don't want any kind of contact with them. They are idiots.

Solicitor says it will be very interesting to see what grounds she asks for a divorce on - she said in the witness statement to the police that she will be filing for divorce tomorrow, so my solicitor said wait and see what she says first - because she has no evidence of me being unreasonable, no evidence of adultery. Solicitor thinks she will state that we have simply grown apart.

By the sounds of it, they think that she will be found guilty of adultery and they're 99% certain wih all the evidence, that it will go in my favour.

So I could ven end up with my son full time!

I don't feel how I thougt I would feel. Considering I thought I would be distraught if I ever caught my W with another man, I actually feel good.

And the reason why I feel good - because I'm not wondering.
I know who, when, where, why, how, etc., And I am no oil painting, and even her friends have agreed with me - he is absolutely frickin' minging. He's fat, ginger, going bald....but he has MONEY!

Which brings me to my conclusion, that she was never with me for me. She was in the relationship for what she could get.

I feel good, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I now have closure
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Old 11th May 2008, 04:28 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Wow! You know where you stand exactly after all this time. You are happy now but the whole thing is very sad, but at least it will be more straightforward now. I hope you will still have confidence and know that all women are not like this. It's not what it seems? One almost laughs.

Raymond
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Old 11th May 2008, 08:00 PM   #3
lonelylass
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Blimey Ky,

You have been busy. Why don't you do what I did and file for divorce on the grounds of adultery, that way it's for your reasons and not hers as she can come up with any crap she wants (including this arrest business).

What a cowardly B for not having the balls to tell you to your face, they all get caught out at some point.

Bitch, that's all I can think to say.

Take Care,

LoLa x
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Old 11th May 2008, 11:20 PM   #4
912jws
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Thumbs up Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Bloody hell, I can't believe all that happened over a 24 hour period
You seem relatively calm considering, are you sure you are not in shock?
I can semi see where you are coming from about the closure as you don't have to think why now and you can let the anger take over for a little bit, if you have all that evidence just stick with the adultery, that's enough to set the divorce in motion I think. It sucks being treated like that though, why can't people just admit what they are doing rather than stringing things out, I never understand, is it being cowardly or just because they feel guilty?
My mate said exactly the same thing to me which you have concluded on your own - how does your wife make you happy and take away all the material things? TBH I found it difficult to answer at the time perhaps because of where we are now even though I know she used to make me happy years ago.
I hope you get things sorted and the most important thing is that your little one is the one that is thought about first and foremost as I imagine your missus might try screwing you in whatever way she sees fit.

Look after yourself!

Jon
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Old 12th May 2008, 04:15 AM   #5
brun
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Wouldn't she get done for wasting police time?
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Old 12th May 2008, 06:24 AM   #6
kyalan
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

I did ask the question, but the police said it was down to them to press charges re: the wasting of their time

They asked me if I would like to press charges towards her?
They literally gave me a list and said pick one or all of them

I had a choice of
ASSAULT
THEFT
SLANDER
GBH
CRIMINAL DAMAGE

But my solicitor told me not to, as the court would look at it like I'm playing games, the whole "he said, she said" thing

I just want it over with and her out of my life.

Kyalan
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Old 12th May 2008, 11:00 AM   #7
val100
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Kyalan,

OooH she isn't very nice.
ER can i ask what kind of a police force you have in your area?
The assault should have been the only thing they could have got you on unless english law has gone completely cookoo. You are 100% in the right to take your son. She must have said you where putting him in danger.
I had an incident with my H a few months ago concerning my son and him, The police already knew our story sadly and they tried to get me to say He was going to urt my son it was the only way they could get my son for me.

I am personally really angered by your wife, For those of us who have really suffered physical violence at the hands of our partners She makes a mockery of us all. Women astound me at times.
Rise above all of this Kyalan seriously and keep your dignity. Decide what you want it will take a while to really know and please don't rush into things.

What kind of a woman has a man in her house with her child upstairs?
Bloody hell
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Old 12th May 2008, 08:10 PM   #8
Lanzo
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Hi Kayalan,

I'm almost lost for words so I won't try to add too many more.

The title of your original thread "How can I make her realise whats she's losing". Well it looks Divorce and a couple of failed relationships behind her will be all it takes, but anyway that won't be your problem.

All I want to add is for you to take care of yourself and your son and I wish you the best for the future.

Lanzo
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Old 14th May 2008, 10:37 AM   #9
kyalan
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Posts: 104
Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

hi all,

Starting to go through the emotions a little bit now.

Went back to the house on Monday to collect my belongings - she had changed the locks on the house, padlocks on the gate and shed etc.,

So I rang the police and asked if I can be arrested for breaking into my own home - to which I was told no

So I got 4 witnesses to watch me break the window, left a signed note to say I would pay for the damage, and made sure the witnesses saw me take only things that were mine

The witnesses were HER friend, MY friend, a neighbour, and a lad I worked with who only came to help with lifting heavy stuff

So they all witnessed what I took, and as soon as I left, HER friend rang her to say I had been to the house to collect my belongings and that she was there as a witness and she would wait for W to arrive home.

I cleaned up any glass & boarded the window up aswell, before I left.

Anyway, not knowing I had witnesses, her DAD rang the police to say I had taken things that didn;t belong to me, but belonged to HIM - WTF?

Why would I have HIS belongings in MY house?

So the police rang me (the same constable who dealt with me last Thursday) and asked me what was going on - to which I gave names, addresses and phone numbers of the 4 witnesses - the police have contacted them and confirmed I only took my belongings

Anyway, I have 9 households in my street (yes 9!!!) who are all willing to give written statements re: the incident on Thursday - they have all said they never saw me lose my temper or even shout at her
and also, they will give statements as to when the new bloke has stayed there, been out with MY son, etc.,

Apparently, he moved in the day after I moved out - says it all really.

Solicitors are a little concerned as to what she will say - if she denies the affair, then it could drag on, and then we have to go to court etc., to prove the affair

They have recommended I go for unreasonable behaviour, and state all the times she has been out, always leaving our son with me while she has been out with another man.

I know it shouldn't matter what's on the divorce papers, but I want it to state "ADULTERY"

I want the world to know she was the one who broke the relationship
I want her to pay for it.

Best things I can hope for is that her new bloke leaves her in a couple of months after he starts to learn her bad habits and her lazyness

I am happier now than I have been in a longtime, however, I do have another dilemma......

Her friend wants to come down at the weekend and has declared her interest in me. Yes, I like her, she's attractive slim, blonde, we get on well and all the rest of it.

Considering her friends are no-longer her friends (they have already given statements to the police that would ensure my W never wants anything to do with them again) and so it seems as W has not contacted either of them.

Do i have some fun with her? I don't want a relationship, but why can't I have some fun? Is it morally wrong?

I don't know, but I'm definately attracted to her and interested.
And it's amazing how quickly word gets round that I'm newly single. Ex's are back on the scene (even going to lunch at 3:30 today with one) and people ring you to "see how you are" but then the conversation turns to flirting.

It's all good

Kyalan

P.S, Is anyone on facebook? - look for me by e-mail address
a n d y 0 4 0 7 8 3 @ y a h o o . c o . u k
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Old 14th May 2008, 11:03 AM   #10
val100
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Kyalan,
First things first. Stay away from her friend just until the divorce is through believe me all your staements and everything will look made up if the courts find out you are having any type of a relationship with her.
Do whatever you want just keep it extremely private. I get the idea that you need her to pay etc but honestly run that crap off. Forget what it says on the Divorce papers wash your hands of this woman, think about your son maybe you should go for custody?

I know My atittudes and opinions are my own but will all these stupid women stop bringing men they barely know into their homes when their children are there. FFs What is wrong with them.
Sorry Kyalan it infuriates me.
Anyway I am going off on a tangent I will shut my mouth on that subject now.

As for is it morally wrong. Probably but in this age we live in you are no 100% able to do whatever you want with whoever you want (not wives friends) whenever you want.
I would as you to mind yourself both physically but more especially emotionally. I would advise you to just get used to being on your own for a bit.
Think of the aloof song "another one night stand" ok ok i may have the name wrong. See if you get it watch the video and it will make you realise how self destructive they are.
34 and proud to say I have never had one.
The sex with someone new might be exciting but it will hurt your soul as you will realise that sex with your wife was more than just physical. You already know this but you will not have felt the emptiness of sex with someone you just find attractive.
I am not old fashioned ( trust me I am not) but it really hits you that nothing is as good and loneliness sets in.
So what I am saying to you is if you are wired for casual liasons then just stay safe if you aren't then wait a while and work on making your life a good one.

I will look you up on facebook. Ignore my pic it was at a party, wig, pebble glasses and buck teeth I must change it.
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Old 14th May 2008, 05:42 PM   #11
Lanzo
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kayalan
I know it shouldn't matter what's on the divorce papers, but I want it to state "ADULTERY".
Stick to your guns solicitors always go for the quickest option that gives them the most returns.
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Old 17th May 2008, 11:16 AM   #12
912jws
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Question Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Hows it going Ky, any developments? Got many takers on Nickleback?

Jon
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Old 17th May 2008, 11:33 AM   #13
kyalan
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

yeah, a few developments

her dad is being a pr*ck - telling all the neighbours that I have hit her etc.,

her friend is keeping me 1 step ahead all the time

yesterday my wife claimed she'd been to her solicitor and I had "better watch out"
but then later admitted to her friend that she wasn't going to see the solicitor until next week - she's absolutely full of it

her dad has offered to pay for a residency order against me - she's going to state that she feels the house is unsafe for her and my son to live in - but my solicitor says she can't because 1. my name is on the deeds, and 2. I have to have been convicted of a crime - which I haven't.

I know she went to social services yesterday, and she even told her friend that she would make sure I can't see him ever again - she's basically making sh*t up now to ensure she gets custody.

But I'm playing everything by the book. I will go through my solicitors, and that way, she can't make sh*t up.

She text me and said "don't contact us EVER again" - then the following day she e-mailed me saying "you haven't even contacted me to see how your son was" - she's mental!

I have no worries about anything. She can make up as much rubbish as she wants to. At the end of the day, SHE is the one who has done wrong and I have all the evidence I need to f*ck her over in court. That's why she's doing everything she can to try and f*ck me over first.

Only thing is, she needs credability and evidence. Both of which she is severely lacking in.

As regards to Nickelback mate, only me and you so far. Am trying to convince some of my other mates to go, but nothing yet - keep me posted if you know anyone who wants to go

Kyalan
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Old 18th May 2008, 09:07 AM   #14
912jws
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Thumbs up Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

Mate I think she is going to make things difficult but at the end of the days I think you have got all the bases covered
Just make sure your you get see the nipper on a regular basis and let the rest of the stuff take its course through the courts.
I will look into the concert later re dates and prices, any other takers on here for a night out in the big smog

Jon
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Old 19th May 2008, 07:51 AM   #15
Alice Alice
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Re: Caught her!! And now I have closure

There we have it!! she has been a total liar all along... that alone is proof... can you use your blogs as proof?
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