Marriage in trouble
*This is long... so here goes. We've been married 5 years now and up until about a year and a half ago my marriage was good. We were happy and healthy. Then I was put on night shift. After about a month I quit going to the gym and developed a binge eating disorder. I started gaining weight like crazy. I became very depressed. Almost suicidal. I didnt realize it at the time, but my wife was going WAY out of her way to try and make my life as easy as possible. (And healthy as possible) she would pack me healthy lunches and snacks. She would lay out all of my clothes for work, Etc... and still I was binge eating and spiralling further into depression.*All the while, my wife began to resent me. I would come home at 4:00am while she was sleeping and eat, shower, then go to sleep until she woke me up for work. I wasn't returning her love. (I was in too much of a fog to realize that). But she stuck it out. I started to go to therapy for the binge eating. The therapist took note about my sexless marriage and wanted to do couples/marriage counseling. So I brought Mindy to counseling with me.*Then the therapist heard about Mindy's sexual abuse as a child. (That explains the lack of sex, but we already knew that.) So the therapist wanted Mindy to go to therapy. I couldn't afford all of this counseling so I quit going all together and Mindy continued. I almost feel like I was just pushed aside by my therapist because Mindy's issue was more severe. My depression worsened. I started going to a psychiatrist for drugs. It didn't help and I started having suicidal thoughts. I would cry all the time for no apparent reason. I had gained about 60 lbs in a year's time and it was all due to night shift.*I had been practically begging my boss for day shift for about 6 months of that year with no luck. I finally decided to quit my job and start with another company. Instant relief. My depression eased up quite a bit. I was still depressed due to my image. But I was a lot better. But I think the damage was already done to our relationship. I wasn't making as much money at this new job so we were struggling to pay bills. Our relationship is always strained when we have money troubles. The sex has always been a issue in our relationship. But I always told her that I would never leave her because of that.*Now she is saying that I'm not who I used to be. (Before the depresion) I don't talk to her like I used to and I don't show enough attention to our 4 yo son. I'm not there for her emotionally. I get home after work and don't help around the house. And its all true.*Today I found out that she has been having an emotional affair for the last 6 months through the internet with a navy guy stationed overseas. She loves him. He didn't know she was married. When I confronted her, I stayed very calm and understanding. She said she thinks she wants to leave. I talked her out of it with promises that I will change and go to marriage counseling again. She agreed to break it off with the other guy. I watched the coversation take place, so I know its done. I told her that i will be checking her phone until I'm comfortable that the affair is truly over. The rest of the day I made every effort to prove that I will change. (Almost to the point that I think I may have been smothering her) I really do love Mindy and can't imagine life without her. Did I handle this right? Or am I prolonging a marriage destined to fail. I feel that if I could just lose my weight, I can be happy again. And we could put this behind us.
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