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Old 12th September 2014, 01:52 PM   #1
happysoul
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1
Advice and opinions needed for a troubled marriage

Hi
I've been with my husband 10 years - 5 years married. We have a daughter, she is 5.
Our relationship was always troubled. He was an alcoholic and ex drug user when I met him. No job or career, just signed on the doll.
Because i believe in Love and am a spiritual person, thought my love will heal him. and it did to a certain point. But over the years, it had caused too many problems.
He went to therapy, as after he met me suffered from depression due to drug and alcohol withdrawal. he got himself sorted, to a bearable minimum. he has a job now, and trying to set up a business. he suffers from bipolar depression, but hates taking medication as it makes him numb and no sex drive.
The sex life - must say it has always been terrible, he has (sorry to be rude) but from our first encounter he had erectile disfunction, and this has really put me off sex as i hate to put him in that position of being in that horrible situation where he feels bad that the lovemaking isn't working. So over the years i have learned to live without sex. this year it will be 6 eyars without sex. he says it's because i've put on weight . I think im not hat bad, i think he has a problem and uses any small excuse to get out of it as it makes him feel better. Even when our daughter was conceived - he used viagra.
In general he is very difficult person to live with, any time i ask him something, he always says NO. this really drives me mad as why he always has to say NO, about everything?
He thinks it's all me causing problems, but i kid you not he is so difficult to live with. he is constantly irritable, hates any eating noise i make even if i eat an apple, it drives him crazy .I have walk on eggshells around my home!
I am now at the end of my road here.
I know stay in my bedroom and avoid him at all costs. i have a huge break from his negativity and constant arguing. i feel like a person again.
im done with being the supporter, especially when is is horrible to me. he is cold, distant, he is never affectionate towards me, i used to send him i love messages via text on daily basis - he would never say it. NEVER!
HE phoned me at work today to ask if i wanted to do couples therapy, but to be honest i feel it will not work, as we have been there before and it didn't work.
What do you think how do you know when its over?
many thanks for reading this rather long message
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Old 12th September 2014, 07:39 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
Re: Advice and opinions needed for a troubled marriage

Hi happysoul

I honestly think you made a massive mistake marrying a drug user and alchoholic, but that is in the past now.
If he is prepared to go to couples therapy for a long time, and really work on his awful behavior, then why not give it a go. If it doesnt work at least you have tried.
I do feel for you. and even more I feel for your daughter having to grow up in that terribly strained and unhappy atmosphere.
Having to stay in your room in your own house is unbearable for you. and I am wondering if you could live apart while the therapy is going on. Then he will know you are serious and hopefully will work harder on the whole thing in order to make it work. He also needs to tell the doctor about the whole erectile thing. Depriving you of sex for all those years is cruel.
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