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13th August 2015, 09:58 PM
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#76
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxon
She's had, and still has, trouble dealing with it, for lack of a better word. She was getting frustrated, started to cry one night and said she didn't think they'd help, could we please stop. I told her if that's what she wanted, but if she wants to change her mind later, then we'll continue.
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Its just that there are sometimes reasons why they keep happening that can be put right.
Its certainly worth finding out before you try again, if you do.
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13th August 2015, 10:01 PM
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#77
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Guest
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
I know, but after six she's given up knowing why.
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13th August 2015, 10:15 PM
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#78
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxon
I know, but after six she's given up knowing why.
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Ita strange that after 2 or 3 she didnt want this investigating, and its also strange that the doctors didnt recommend this.
Does she always have them at the same sort of time of the pregnancy?
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13th August 2015, 10:17 PM
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#79
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Guest
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
She wanted answers at first, she's just given up on getting them. They were all around the same time, usually around 8 weeks.
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13th August 2015, 10:35 PM
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#80
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Well how will she get answers unless she allows the doctors to investigate?
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14th August 2015, 11:14 AM
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#81
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxon
Nothing traumatic in her past as far as I know. She doesn't smoke or do drugs, barely drinks. She's been involved in everything artsy since well before I knew her, and I've never had anyone tell me any kind of paint or chemical could have any effect on her. She's always been healthy, no cancer or anything, though her if I remember great grandmother had uterine cancer.
There's a lot of fear now, especially of failure. She's never feared failure before, but now sees this as the biggest failure.
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It is a bit of a mystery Jaxon as to what has happened. I can understand to a certain extent why her mind will be fearful with regard to sex where she might be contemplating yet another miscarriage. Is there a way to have sex without actual IC for the time being or use the preventive measures for pregnancy. This might relieve the fear until the real problem is sorted out.
I think re-assuring her that she is not a failure and showing your love to her regardless, especially at this time, would be a positive thing for you to do. You obviously need to take it slowly regarding investigative procedures due to her fram of mind just now. Perhaps building up a bit of knowledge from good miscarriage websites will ease her into things without being too threatening. It is obviously important that she is not pressurised.
http://www.newkidscenter.com/Miscarr...t-8-Weeks.html
Last edited by Raymond; 14th August 2015 at 11:25 AM.
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14th August 2015, 11:26 AM
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#82
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
It is a bit of a mystery Jaxon as to what has happened. I can understand to a certain extent why her mind will be fearful with regard to sex where she might be contemplating yet another miscarriage. Is there a way to have sex without actual IC for the time being or use the preventive measures for pregnancy. This might relieve the fear until the real problem is sorted out.
I think re-assuring her that she is not a failure and showing your love to her regardless, especially at this time, would be a positive thing for you to do.
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Now thats a good suggestion Raymond, there are many things you can do in sex without actual IC. it will also show you if the fear of pregnancy is the real reason for her refusing sex and throwing you out of the bedroom or not because if she refuses to consider even that, then you will know that is actually an excuse.
I still think that moving out of the bed was the wrong move as well, although you did it with the best of intentions. The more the couple have no physical closeness of any sort, the more distant they will become emotionally. After all she wont get pregnant from a cuddle or from you lying next to her to in bed.
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14th August 2015, 05:13 PM
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#83
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Guest
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
I have brought that up with her before, and she says she's too scared it'll lead to sex. I believe I mentioned that before? Or no? I don't even remember.
And I didn't move out of the bed, she moved out of the bed into the guest room. She's OK with cuddles, she's OK with being held, she's fine with me holding her hand, but anything under the clothes so to speak and she pulls away. She is confident, for lack of a better word, that she'll just miscarry again.
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14th August 2015, 05:20 PM
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#84
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxon
I have brought that up with her before, and she says she's too scared it'll lead to sex. I believe I mentioned that before? Or no? I don't even remember.
And I didn't move out of the bed, she moved out of the bed into the guest room. She's OK with cuddles, she's OK with being held, she's fine with me holding her hand, but anything under the clothes so to speak and she pulls away. She is confident, for lack of a better word, that she'll just miscarry again.
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I think you need to mention that again, there is no reason at all that it will lead to sex, none at all, if you both agree that it wont for now. YOu arent asking her for her to get pregnant are you, just to have sex, or at least some sort of sexual contact with release so that you can get through this. She needs to met you half way, not just reject you sexually completely.
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15th August 2015, 04:37 PM
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#85
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Guest
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Of course I'm not asking her to get pregnant again. Even if she wanted to, I don't think now would be the best time. But at least she's acting a little like her old self these past two days.
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17th August 2015, 11:35 AM
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#86
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Moderator
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
She is obviously afraid that non IC sex will lead to IC sex but you have to set down rules and assure her that it won't so that this fear of pregnancy is temporarily dealt with. Fear has a habit of blocking out all reasonableness so you need to work at reducing her fears and proving your trustworthiness of not making her pregnant. I believe this will have a good affect just now if you can achieve that.
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17th August 2015, 01:18 PM
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#87
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond
She is obviously afraid that non IC sex will lead to IC sex but you have to set down rules and assure her that it won't so that this fear of pregnancy is temporarily dealt with. Fear has a habit of blocking out all reasonableness so you need to work at reducing her fears and proving your trustworthiness of not making her pregnant. I believe this will have a good affect just now if you can achieve that.
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yes I see that as a good compromise for now, and if the real reason for refusing sex is the risk of pregnancy, then there is no reason why she should say no. BTW has she ever got pregnant while using birth control?
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17th August 2015, 03:38 PM
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#88
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Guest
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Yes, she has.
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17th August 2015, 04:13 PM
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#89
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,794
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaxon
Yes, she has.
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what sort if you dont mind me asking?
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17th August 2015, 04:38 PM
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#90
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Guest
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Re: Wife and I have not been intimate in months.
While on the pill.
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