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Old 1st June 2007, 04:31 PM   #1
lita
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Please help me

Hi there, i am new to this forum. I have been married for 10 years. A year ago find out my husband cheated on me. Still hurt and cry everyday until now. Brought up in very religous family even make it hard to cope. As a christian I do believe that marriage only happen once in a life time and no mater what it is you work it out because God is always there to help you. My family said I should forgive him and to forgive is to forget which I said to God that I forgive him the day i found out but I just cant help it that I cant forget what he had done. I am confuse and very sad. Went to marriage counselor, pray every time, read the bible every night, went to church every time i can ask all the family to pray for my marriage but still feel so empty. I have 3 children and I feel sory for them if they have to loose their Dad. He is a good Dad. I dont have feeling for my husband anymore. He said he was sory and will never do it again but the pain just wont go away. He even said to me that maybe this is the chance for me to prove that i am a good christian to forgive him and help him. I dont know if I can do this anymore. I stay with him because of my 3 beautiful children but I think it is not a good reason either. Please pray for me cos i really am confuse .......
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Old 2nd June 2007, 07:41 PM   #2
Raymond
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Re: Please help me

Lita this is a very hard thing that has happened to you. Adultery is grounds for separation and is a betrayal of the marriage vows. Your husband seems to be sorry but it is not his place to say you are a christian and you should forgive. His job is to repent before God and ask your forgiveness. This is not a light thing. There is a place to forgive him and still end the marriage. He has to realise that. I,m not saying to do that but you have the right to.

The other thing is that you have been wounded. Your trust has been betrayed and healing takes time. Your forgiveness of him will aid your healing. Remember Christ forgave us while we were yet sinners. It is hard what I am saying but god is merciful to us. You may say in your heart I forgive him and then continually take it back, so sometimes it takes time to get through. If you allow him to stay then you need to put away any bitterness as this will affect you as well as him.

I trust and pray you will find the way forward.

God bless you.

Raymond
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Old 4th June 2007, 12:57 AM   #3
lita
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Re: Please help me

Hi Raymond, i just want to say thank you that you will pray for me.
My husband doesnt believe in Jesus, he believe in God ( I do not know which one ?) He doesnt mine pray now and then, read the bible story to the kids, go to church occasionaly ( easter or christmas ). He doesnt want to, but he knows it meant a lot to me. He never ask me to forgive or forget because he knows he doesnt deserve it. What he did was so terrible and he understand that. He tried so hard to do everything better now but i cant see the good out of it. My sister said that if i do split up with him, i will commit adultery my self ( just like him ) if i m going to have relationship with another man in the future. So basicly I can divorce him and stay alone until I die!
The though of him out there free to go out and have fun while i am at home looking after 3 small children with no money ( im only a house wife ) makes me think what kind of life out there for me ? I know you probably gonna say God is good, he will help me, and I do want to believe that.
But at the end of the day, God is not there to help me looking after 3 children when i feel so down and cant go on with my life. Maybe I sound a bit selfish because i know the kids are totaly my responsibility but right now phisicly and mentaly i am damage. Sometimes I shouted at the kids for small thing that they done wrong. Seems like everything going wrong in my life.
Yes I am bitter and I always ask God to take the bitterness out of me but until now still feel the same. You said I have the right to end the marriage, how could I ? I though till death do us part explain everything. What about the children. What about their relationship with their father ?
I dont know how long my marriage will last. I wish I can be more sensitive to see what God wants me to do. Strange really that you are the first person to say that I have the right to end it while everybody else said : " OK he made a mistake BUT you still have to stay ,think about the kids, and bla bla bla !!" I feel like I have no choice or maybe i am just to scared to make that choice.

God bless you
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Old 4th June 2007, 07:11 AM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Please help me

Lita adultery is grounds for divorce. Jesus somewhere states it. I will look it up and come back, not that you are looking for that, but I cannot see that God wants you to be there for someone who is sleeping around. That's not a marriage. Of course we aim for the very best, but there are certain things which can break the marriage fornication/adultery. These are the serious things which betray the marriage covenant. As far as I see one is free to remarry if this happens although Paul says she will be happier if she doesn't, but everyone has their gift, some to marry some not.

You have provoked me now to look into the scriptures more. There is also a scripture that says if one partner who isn't a christian leaves, a brother or sister is not under bondage in those cases. I take it as they can remarry someone else.

Hoever the christian life isn't really about a legal set of rules. We are not under the law if we walk by God's spirit. Yes He will help you with your children as you look to Him. You will find that God will work all these things out as you look to Him. He does offer us abundant life and part of our journey is to discover the riches we have in Him, the things He has already done for us that our ours.

It is God's will that you stay together but not to the point of being in bondage to the letter of the law. Things need to be worked out on an individual basis.

Raymond
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Old 4th June 2007, 07:27 AM   #5
Raymond
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Re: Please help me

Heres one verse to go on with Lita.

Jesus is saying, "I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason, except sexual immorality, causes her to commit adultery;
Matt 5:32a

I think we can take it that the wife has the same right inasmuch as she shouldn't divorce her husband except in the case of sexual immorality. Other versions say fornication/adultery. It doesn't say we have to divorce them, but I would say that we have the right to. I would say that adultery could include pornography and all sorts of things that deny the other their sexual rights.

Raymond
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Old 4th June 2007, 08:51 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: Please help me

Lita I have checked all the scriptures relating to the subject now.

There are cases where somebody divorces someone where it wasn't for immorality. These are cases where you shouldn't remarry. Probably what your sister is thinking of. I was talking of the case where there is immorality. In those cases the scripture does not say you cannot be remarried.

Where it wasn't for immorality could be a case where someone says I don't love you anymore that's it. That is invalid as we are to love our wives and not just go by feelings of love. It would be wrong in those cases to divorce but it would not be if they were having an affair etc.

That's just a quickie as I have to rush of to work now.

God bless you

Raymond
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