Wife says she doesnt love me

Hi Aqua
Yes unfortunately for me she did and he has been out with her a couple of times (lucky sod)
Must admit the incident made me laugh too. I you saw me and my mate you would understand. To overwieght Northern lads with a pint of Tetleys in their hands dont exactly point out a gay relationship but maybe its me giving off the wrong vibes.

I havent got the guts or the inclanation to approach another woman yet as for valentines day I agree its just another day. Wish I could have thought of my anniversary like that

Tim

[aqua]

Just thinking of 'special' days as just another day works well for me. I got through my wedding aniversary, last Nov, without so much as a sniffle. I did find my birthday, last Dec, a tad difficult as my H sent me a card, the sod, but after a few hours I perked up again.

After a daliance with internet dating, I realise I don't have the inclination to go out with another man.

Sorry to be nosey about your mate...good on him!

aqua

Hey up Tim (and Aqua)

If I had any answers I'd share them. Just been for a walk round the park with a bag of chips (supposed to be at work). I have done that so many times, trying to clear my head. I know where you are and it's hard. The only thing that's helped me so far, is separating out my feelings for my wife from our relationship. I will always love my wife, but now (nearly) accept that our marriage is probably over.

I don't think you'll be able to 'remove all traces' and I'm not sure you should try. Personally I'd rather lose a leg than forget about my wife.

What gets me is how you can be fine one minute, and a wreck the next - it's like a bubble coming up from the depths. I'll be glad when that stops. (If...)

I don't think anyone who values a relationship as much as you will stay lonely for long, and that goes for aqua too. I hope not anyway.

best wishes,

LD

LD
Thanks for the kind words, I only hope they turn out to be true.

Tim

[aqua]

longestday

you sweetheart! lovely words.

Personally, I'd rather forget my husband than lose my leg!
I'd love to be able to erase him from my memory. However, that will never be completely possible because of the children, and that's another reason why I'll never be lonely.

A friend asked me the other day if I would take him back if he admitted to his mistakes and was deeply sorry. I said, no. The love is still there but it has been put in a box, locked and buried deep away. Me and my children have gotten over the worst and I wouldn't want to put myself or them through that ever again.

Life moves on...

Originally Posted by aqua

The love is still there but it has been put in a box, locked and buried deep away.

My counsellor tells me a lot of my wifes problems are locked away, however they occasionally break out for a moment before been suppressed again. Hope this is not the case with your love

[aqua]

No.

This method serves me well and enables me to get on with my life very successfully.

I don't see my love for my husband as a 'problem ' just something to be kept away and hopefully one day will disappear completely.

Hi all latest episode in this long running saga.

Just got home from a days teaching people to drive and guess whats on the doorstep.
My divorce papers from the courts. Looks like its finally going to happen. Despite all of my feelings of wanting her back and forgiveness, she cant find it in her heart to come home.

I know in the past i have said I am getting over this, but I lied, Its so damm hard this is my lowest point. I actually saw her last tuesday with the other bloke, not sure if she saw me, but I thought she looked so unhappy, maybe I am wrong, or maybe I am seeing things I want to see.

Dont know what to do, just feel like crawling into a corner and not moving. I cant get it into my head that the last 23 years have meant nothing.

I had actually thought that things were starting to go right in my life, I have got all of the finances in order without her help and I am learning to do things for myself (see the 23 shirts I ironed last night) and then this happens and brings me crashing back down to earth.

It just goes to prove how vunerable we can all be despite our best efforts. Just wanted to get things off my chest. Not sure what to do now.

Do I contact her and see if there is any hope or do I just let things take their course and have done with it. Trouble is I still love her and want her back (what a dickhead)

Your thoughts as always would be appreciated

[aqua]

Oh Tim
I'm so sorry.

I bet if feels like you been hit in the chest with something very hard. If you need to take your mind off it ,I have plenty of household chores that need doing, pop over here and you can start right away!

Seriously though, I know how you feel to some extent. Things are going well for me, but now and again something comes along to knock me back. These days doesn't take me long to get back up and going. I've trained myself to do that.

Did your wife issue the divorce papers? If yes, then it's over mate. If you issued them, why not put it on hold until you feel strong enough to cope with it all.

I know I will have to deal with all this divorce stuff when my H gets round to it. Despite my life going smoothly, it's not something I think I will be prepared for. Yes, I will feel vunerable.

You're not a 'dickhead'. You love your wife despite everything. I can understand that.

Take care
aqua

Hi Aqua
Yes - been hit in the chest with something hard just about sums it up. Yes my wife issued the divorce papers. She showed me these way back in October and I decided that I wouldnt contest them, must admit I thought she would have second thoughts.

Its been that long that I was still holding out hope but now the official papers have arrived it looks like thats it. Hardest thing to come to terms with is that I still dont know what I did that was so very wrong. I worked hard and tried to keep a roof over our heads, yes I admit I did make some bad financial decisions but I thought we had overcome these.

I just wish I had the strength to overcome this, I thought I had but now I am doubting myself. I just feels as though my whole world is collapsing around me, I actually admire you, I wish I had the strength of character to be a bit more like you and train myself to switch off from it.

As for your household chores - no problem - As long as it doesn't involve bloody ironing. I am getting to be a dab hand with a feather duster, mind you I nearly vacced the dogs earlier on - mind was elsewhere.

Thanks for the kind words

Tim

[aqua]

Hi Tim

You hope against hope but you're seeing it through the eyes of someone still in love with their partner. She 's moved on....I'm there too, mate!

If you don't mind me asking, what grounds does she have for divorcing you, especially as you were the 'wronged' half?

I'm dreading seeing what my H will put! Whatever it is will be a fabrication.

Tim I only have strength of character because I have children living with me. I'vd had to pick myself up not for me but for them. They are my saving grace in a way!

There's no ironing but plenty of dusting waiting for you - don't forget to bring that feather duster of yours!

Take care
aqua x

So sorry Tim,

Are they from the courts or her solicitors?

Its all so devastating. I dont know what to suggest.

In some ways asking one more time if she is sure this is what she wants wouldnt be so bad but at the same time it seems like desperation.

What does your gut instinct say? I would go with that. Like i've said before Im local so if you want to meet up or chat let me know.


Nick

Hi Aqua
Grounds for divorce as follows:

I worked long hours despite repeated requests not to do so
(Had to do that to keep a roof over our heads and never once has she asked me to slow down. After my heart attack in Aug 2006 she was the one telling me I should go back to work instead of taking the time of as the doctor ordered.)

I paid no attention to her and the kids and prefered to spend time on my own
(If I worked such long hours when did I have the time to be on my own. Yes i did sit in front of the P.C. at night but mainly because I couldnt stand the endless round of soaps they all watched on the T.V.)

I failed to meaningfully assist with the care of the matrimonial home
(WTF? Decorating - Renovating - Installing new central heating, Electrics, windows etc)

Throughout the course of the marriage I failed to show my wife any love and affection
(If buying her cars, letting her spend what she wants, taking her on Carribean cruises, buying her jewelery etc is failling to show any affection then I failed miserably. I know they are all material things but they were bought with love.)

The divorce cites irretrievable breakdown - it doesnt state that, for months on her nights out with the girls from work she was seeing this bloke and jumped into bed with him at the first opportunity.

It makes me mad that I seem to be getting all the blame - Yes I worked long hours but I thought I was doing this with the best intentions, to keep us safe and secure.
I admit that we didnt go out as often as we should and that maybe I was a little to wrapped up in my own world but this is just over the top.

I would appear to me that my wife has just been looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage and that now the kids have grown up and left home she does not need me to support her or them. This is why I feel so bitter. I have dedicated the last 23 years to my wife and family. They where and still are my whole world, this is why this is so hard to take. I have never so much as looked at another woman let alone dived into bed with one - To be honest I wouldn't know what to do.

I am from the old school, I thought that men where supposed to go out and work hard to protect their families, yes I admit that I didnt do as much around the house as I could have done but I did the practical things like the decorating and the renovations etc. I did, despite her divorce grounds show her love and affection and even friends said the week before we split up that we have never looked as happy together.

I just get the feeling I have been taken as a mug and that despite her denial, this has been going on longer than she says.

Dont know if I should cross petition due to her adultery, I cant see what purpose this would serve. At the end of it we would still end up divorced and that not what I want.

Take Care
Tim

Hi Nik
Sorry typing a reply to Aqua when you posted your message
The papers are from the courts, These are the papers she actually showed me in October so I guess its now official.

I did ponder the idea of Emailing her to see if she is really sure this is what she wants but I have done that so many times it does seem like desparation is setting in.

Problem I have now is that this has just split the family right down the middle.
1 daughter thinks her mother is a "Slut" her words not mine and the other daughter thinks her mum is making the right decision.

The other daughter is having gifts bought by the wifes new fella so that maybe explains that. Trouble is that has made me even angrier adn I find that I cant face my daughter at the moment. She always said she didnt want to take sides but this is now exactly what she is doing.

Go what a mess we are both in -When will it end

Would love to meet up for a beer sometime. Trouble is the new business is really taking off and because of the situation I find I am having to work all hours god sends just to keep afloat. Give me a couple of weeks and we will organise something

Tim

[aqua]

Tim

I was just wondering what it said on the divorce petition!
but hey if it helps to write it all down then, good.

My H was forcing me to petition. I had all the papers drawn up to divorce him for adultery. I never signed them and still have them.

I'm not the one who wants this divorce. He'll have to do it. I don't know what grounds he will use. All that remains to be seen...

Apparently, he's had a hard time telling people he left his family for a drunkern grandmother. I imagine he'll find it even harder to say HE divorced his wife (oh the poor soul. aqua says sarcastically)

It's not as if OW is free to marry. She is still married too!

Take care Tim.

"In some ways asking one more time if she is sure this is what she wants wouldnt be so bad but at the same time it seems like desperation."

what????
but Tim's wife already has another man in her life! She's moved on.
it would show desperation!
I don't think anyone, in their right mind, would issue a divorce petition if it isn't what they want.