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Old 8th February 2014, 12:17 PM   #1
Raymond
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Marriage Nuggets

I've been meaning to create this place for a while which will be for posting short marriage sayings that I am sure we all come across from time to time.

To kick off:

You can’t drift together; you can only ever drift apart. If you want to stay together, you have to be deliberate or intentional.

Last edited by Raymond; 9th February 2014 at 10:12 AM.
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Old 8th February 2014, 08:38 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

Submitting to you husband is ducking so that God can hit him:-)
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Old 9th February 2014, 10:11 AM   #3
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

Took me a while to work that one out Chosen.
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Old 9th February 2014, 02:50 PM   #4
chosen
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

[QUOTE=Raymond;78377]Took me a while to work that one out Chosen.[/QUOTE]

Good though, eh:-)
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Old 9th February 2014, 03:02 PM   #5
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

Yep. Told the pastors wife today. She laughed.
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Old 9th February 2014, 03:44 PM   #6
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love.

When they are not free, they live in fear and love dies.

Boundaries in Marriage - Cloud & Townsend
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Old 10th February 2014, 02:12 PM   #7
chosen
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

[QUOTE=Raymond;78379]Yep. Told the pastors wife today. She laughed.[/QUOTE]

Yes it is amusing, but also quite true:-)
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Old 10th February 2014, 09:08 PM   #8
Raymond
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Wink Re: Marriage Nuggets

Only if hubby is in the wrong though.
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Old 13th March 2014, 01:44 PM   #9
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

Boundaries Again

The Law of motivation states that we must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes. N0 one can actually love another if he feels he doesn't have a choice not to. Giving your time, love or vulnerability to your spouse requires that you make your own choice based on your values, not out of fear.

Having to do anything is a sign that someone is afraid. The following fears prevent a spouse from setting boundaries in marriage:

Fear of losing love.

Fear of a spouse's anger.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of being a bad person.

Fear of one's guilty feelings.

Fear of not reciprocating the love someone has given (thus hurting his or her feelings)

Fear of losing the approval of others.

Fear of hurting one's spouse because of overidentifying with his or her pain.
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Old 14th March 2014, 11:23 AM   #10
chosen
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

[QUOTE=Raymond;78514]Boundaries Again

The Law of motivation states that we must be free to say no before we can wholeheartedly say yes. N0 one can actually love another if he feels he doesn't have a choice not to. Giving your time, love or vulnerability to your spouse requires that you make your own choice based on your values, not out of fear.

Having to do anything is a sign that someone is afraid. The following fears prevent a spouse from setting boundaries in marriage:

Fear of losing love.

Fear of a spouse's anger.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of being a bad person.

Fear of one's guilty feelings.

Fear of not reciprocating the love someone has given (thus hurting his or her feelings)

Fear of losing the approval of others.

Fear of hurting one's spouse because of overidentifying with his or her pain.[/QUOTE]

fear of being alone is a massive issue, and will lead to many people accepting things that they shouldnt from their spouse such as abuse and serial adultery. I was shocked to read a few years ago that 90% of mothers stay with a partner or husband who has sexually abused her children. I think its horrifying. Its mainly because they are afraid to be alone.
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Old 18th March 2014, 01:50 PM   #11
Raymond
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

And thus they have allowed their boundaries to be trampled because of fear. That is down to them really as we are all responsible for our own boundaries.
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Old 18th March 2014, 07:21 PM   #12
chosen
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

[QUOTE=Raymond;78573]And thus they have allowed their boundaries to be trampled because of fear. That is down to them really as we are all responsible for our own boundaries.[/QUOTE]

Yes and it does make them as responsible for the abuse as the one doing it, if they dont do anything about it. Few people like being alone, but there are things far more important than that.

Last edited by chosen; 18th March 2014 at 07:43 PM.
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Old 22nd March 2014, 09:24 AM   #13
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

Yes one can enable abuse by not keeping correct boundaries. Nobody is going to make that decision for you.
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Old 12th April 2014, 09:18 AM   #14
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

This is a bit long but I think it is worth posting. This Guy Got Divorced And Said This About His Ex-Wife… And I Agree With Him.
Gerald Rogers got divorced after 16 years of marriage. Recently he wrote a eye-opening public confession on his blog…
He writes:

”MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting.
Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART.
Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again.
You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her.
Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER…
Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions:
It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE.
When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY…
Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY…
Learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT.
Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY…
To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…
And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE…
The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing… (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE…
You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT.
If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER…
The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY.
Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE.
In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.
Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.
But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.
Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but admire.
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Old 12th April 2014, 04:00 PM   #15
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Re: Marriage Nuggets

A marriage does not end for anybody's fault, the relationship ends when love ends and sometimes love does.
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