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Old 20th August 2010, 08:48 AM   #16
Raymond
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Re: Love without physical attraction?

Hi DO. We seem to have three things going at once here but that alright. I'm on childhood. I don't think the childhood on the face of it would have negatively affected him. I mean not having video games and that. Provided there was love and nurture around, which I assume there was, I don't see an answer there.

He seems to want to protect himself from materialism which is fair enough considering his background. The really troubling thing is the porn and the island mentality. Whilst being careful of materialism he seems to have no check about mental adultery. Is he into any kind of strange interest a cult or something? Just fishing again.

Raymond
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Old 20th August 2010, 04:10 PM   #17
disoriented
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Re: Love without physical attraction?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Hi DO. We seem to have three things going at once here but that alright. I'm on childhood. I don't think the childhood on the face of it would have negatively affected him. I mean not having video games and that. Provided there was love and nurture around, which I assume there was, I don't see an answer there.

He seems to want to protect himself from materialism which is fair enough considering his background. The really troubling thing is the porn and the island mentality. Whilst being careful of materialism he seems to have no check about mental adultery. Is he into any kind of strange interest a cult or something? Just fishing again.

Raymond
not sure what you mean by strange interest/cult? like in relation to sex or in general?
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Old 20th August 2010, 05:32 PM   #18
Helen_uk
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Re: Love without physical attraction?

Well I guess you need to show him it is a problem because it's causing a problem with intimacy between the two of you.

Sounds like during his childhood he got used to not getting too attached to things , if he was always moving around with his family he probably had to keep his possession's light. Living in third world countries with all the poverty around must leave an impression on a young mind.

Maybe he has also lost friends because of the constant moving and so found it easier to disassociate from people.... Without seeking professional guidance on it, it's hard to say.

The mind is a very strange thing and to him it all probably seems very normal , and for him it is. It's a problem only because it's stopping you both having a fulfilled marriage.

Of course he may just have a low sex drive and men who use / have used porn quite often do. Porn is so easy, no having to please another person, simple self gratification and no boundaries. Simple click of the mouse and it's all laid out in front of you.... It's lazy sex.

It could be a lot of things and getting to the bottom of it won't be easy without his cooperation. As you say the other areas of your marriage are pretty good, I'd think it would be worth trying to sort it out.

Helen
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Old 21st August 2010, 08:55 AM   #19
Raymond
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Re: Love without physical attraction?

I don't think there is anything wrong with his sex drive it's just being diverted which is mental adultery in my book.

As Helen says there are a lot of good things going for you apart from this although that is pretty major I think because of the nature of it. If there are so much good things maybe you are in a stronger position to point this out to him?

With regard to cult or weird things I was just fishing. If there isn't anything don't worry about it. I was talking about weird societies or religion or something off the beaten track. There are a lot of things around which can affect peoples behaviour. Maybe something on the internet? As well as the porn I mean.

Raymond
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Old 21st August 2010, 06:33 PM   #20
Helen_uk
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Re: Love without physical attraction?

There's a long running thread on the subject of marriage without sex here :-

http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=3056

If you'd like to take a look.

Helen
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