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Old 20th March 2001, 08:54 PM   #1
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Post Sex and Christians

This is a long story, but I would like a christian's viewpoint. I will try and keep it short. My husband and I are believers in God and now we realize that what we did was wrong and are facing the consequences. We had a threesome about 3 years ago. After which I did see this other man on a one night stand. Now we are no longer living in the same city as we used to and we realize that what we did was wrong. But...our marriage is not the same, I feel like we no longer love each other as we used to. I don't initiate sex with my husband and I feel guilty about this. I can't find myself out of this. How could I have allowed this to happen? It was something that my husband wanted to try so we did it. Now I am thinking about separating. And he says if it wasn't for him still going to church he doesn't know if he would still be with me? I am the same way. Do you think that all marriages are made to last a lifetime? He is divorced and has 3 kids from apast marriage. We have a lil girl. Help..any advice would be helpful..and appreciated..thanks
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Old 20th March 2001, 11:21 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 662

Yes, I believe marriage is meant to be for life, and that God's grace is available to help with that. Do you have a wise Christian friend or friends who you can ask to pray with you, perhaps the leadership in your church? Spiritually you need to be set free from the bonds that are formed when you have a sexual relationship outside marriage, and you need to acknowledge to God that it was wrong and receive assurance of forgiveness. There is no sin that cannot be dealt with by the blood of Jesus.

The problems you are experiencing will be rooted in what you did, but can be worked through. Remember love and marriage are about commitment and decisions, rather than just feelings. Our feelings are a sign of what is going on inside, but not the barometer on which to make decisions about your future.

If you cannot find someone to pray with you, you can ask God for forgiveness and healing yourselves. It helps though to have someone to support you and encourage you through.
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Old 21st March 2001, 07:05 PM   #3
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Thank you for your reply. Yes, I do believe that it would be helpful to have someone that would be supportive. BUT...we live in a small town, and right now, our church is in the middle of receiving a new pastor. Our church is not so big, we have been going there for about 3 yrs and I still haven't made any close bonding friendships with any of the women in our WM group. My husband and I have talked about counseling, yet we have not found anyone. I am embarassed by the whole situation. It's all overwhelming not to be able to look in my husbands face and feel the love that used to be there. I'm searching for it....anyways, thanks for your reply.

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Old 22nd March 2001, 01:41 PM   #4
Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 1,115

If you need someone to talk to you could try Connections Counselling. They have an e-mail service, which might give you some support. Are you UK or US based?
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Old 23rd March 2001, 09:07 PM   #5
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I am in the US. Thanks for the website, I will check it out. )

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Old 30th August 2001, 05:45 PM   #6
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sex and christians

Responding to Raquel's question 20th March.

We all make mistakes in life Raquel. When we give our lives to Jesus. He forgives us and has died for our since past, present and future. As Paul said does this give us licence to sin or “continue in sin, Rom 6:1 that grace may abound? by no means” but neither does it mean that we will never fall again. We are exhorted to ‘confess our sins’ and that ‘if we confess our since, He is faithful and will cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. Not some but ALL. That includes you Raquel and your husband.

The devil is, as Gods word says, ‘The accuser of the brethren’ or Christians. He will whisper to you and your husband, ‘God won’t forgive you for this or that sin’

This confirms that you belong to Jesus or you would not be being accused. You are a child of God. As with your own girl, she is a ‘fact’ she can never turn around and say you are not my mother. In the same way you belong to Jesus and that is a fact no matter what you have or have not done in the past.

God is for you, for your husband, for your marriage. He loves you both; nothing however bad you have done or will ever do will make him love you less. Just take a moment to say, “thank you God, thank you Jesus that you love me ‘Raquel’ as much now as you have ever done, thank you that you are for us and if you are for me and ‘ ‘ (your husbands name) who can be against us.

Try to both move forward as though this event never took place, you have asked God to forgive you. So it’s been forgiven and God wants you to accept that it is forgiven. Yes you have made mistakes but so have all those you meet Sunday by Sunday in church. We and they may not have done this or that other particular sin or sins but God does not grade different sins. So you can in complete honesty, lift your heads high in the knowledge that you truly have been forgiven and are no different from all the others around you. They too have fallen short of the Glory of God.

No, I don’t for a moment think you should think about divorce. Think in terms of drawing a line under all that’s happened, knowing that God loves you both so much and wants you to forget the past Philippians 3:13 ‘one thing I do , forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus’.

The outward difficulties of imitating sex etc will get sorted out as you begin to relax in the knowledge that all is well, these aspects of your marriage will gradually begin to sort themselves out.
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