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Old 13th February 2016, 12:32 AM   #1
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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Am I being unreasonable?

This is my first time posting so apologies for the length but I don't know what else to do.

My wife and I have been married for nearly 2 years, we met when we worked together as we're both lawyers. Nowadays we don't work together and but do very different jobs but our similar backgrounds have led to problems.

Since we got married my career has been going well but my wife has found hers slightly more difficult. As a result, in the past, she has admitted to being jealous of my achievements and has openly said she wished I wasn't doing as well. She's got upset when I've talked about work in front of friends and family and she used to show no interest in my work. When we did talk about my work she would very quickly get upset and we'd end up talking about how difficult she found things and the conversation was all about her.

We eventually went to a therapist and my wife decided that we should make more of an effort to talk about our work. This seemed to work for a few weeks but she quickly changed it round so that we most of the time talking about her - how well she was doing at not getting upset and how difficult she found it to be happy for me.

My wife has 3 siblings and they are all very competitive so I think this is how she was raised as she acts in the same way to other people as well.

Today I received some news that was possibly the biggest event of my career so far, and instead of being happy for me she just started talking about how well she thought she'd handled it. We didn't spend any time celebrating my achievement as she couldn't handle the spotlight being on someone else.

I've always supported her, in my old job my career wasn't going anywhere and she was earning a lot more than me but I celebrated her success and encouraged her to go for things she wanted. All I want is the same support but I don't think I'm getting it.

I've tried to explain this to her but she thinks her behaviour is the issue and won't recognise that she has a problem letting others be the centre of attention. I don't know what else to do.

If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any suggestions they'd be gratefully received.
Edinburger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th February 2016, 03:52 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,076
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Yes i have some simple advice and it's this, love, marriage, caring, sharing, trust, honestly, and devotion, and being together hand in hand, side by side as man and wife are the most valuable and beautiful most sacred gifts given to married couples by god, therefore, work, success, money etc means absolutely nothing and I mean NOTHING, personally I would happily live in a hole in the ground, with no money, no trappings of success, living off rain water, acorns, and nettles as long as it meant I could be with my wife, maybe food for thought in order for you to prioritise your commitment to each other, bon chance mon amis.
ralfgarnett is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th February 2016, 05:51 PM   #3
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Posts: 1,253
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Are you still seeing your therapist? It sounds like it helped for a time so it might be something you want to continue. I see where you are coming from. You want her to be supportive, and you want to support her efforts as well, I assume. I would keep up with therapy. Sometimes issues take awhile to iron out.
Lindentree1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th February 2016, 10:10 PM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: Am I being unreasonable?

Sounds to me that she has a problem with her competitive streak and is struggling to overcome it. That's why she talks about how she handles it as she finds it difficult. Maybe recognising that she has the problem and is trying to work through it is the answer. She is not in the place you are but so long as she is working at it you need to accept where she is. It is likely that she can handle a few other things better than you but that is part of marriage. If we can see our faults because of the other's strength in an area that is no bad thing.

Obviously a married couple should pull together for each other whilst rejoicing in the other's success and being sad at their failures. That is a normal part of love, but sometimes we have to learn it.
Raymond is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th March 2016, 05:18 PM   #5
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?

She is insecure to your achievement as you have said they are very competitive. you just need to talk to her whats the real problem or let her feel that your success is her success that without her u will not be in that position.
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