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Old 10th June 2015, 09:43 PM   #1
JJeanne
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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Resentment

My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years, but together for 13. I am stuck in a cycle of supporting his dreams and "taking one for the team" with my own.

I am really starting to resent him for it.

I have moved to different states, supporting him throughout his career, only to be stuck in a job that is making me so depressed and unhappy. I want to leave my job, but I can't find anything that pays as much. The reason money is such an issue, is because he started his own business- so cash flow is either really good or really bad on his end. Basically, I have to be the responsible one with the steady job and insurance.

He gets to do whatever he wants during the day. Today, he went for a hike with his friend and then out to lunch. I cried at my desk. But I can guarantee the dishes will be waiting for me in the sink when I get home.

I will always support him with his dreams, but I am starting to feel like I will never get a chance to do anything I want to do if I continue pushing them aside.

I just want to feel appreciated. I love him so much, but I have been fantasizing about being on my own.

I don't know what to do.
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Old 11th June 2015, 03:52 AM   #2
chosen
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Re: Resentment

IT sounds like you need some good communication between you. You need to tell him how you feel and discuss him doing more in the home. It may help to write it all down in a letter or have some marriage counseling. He may have no idea how you feel. I have found out that if you want a man to do something in the house, you need to ask him specifically and not hope that he notices it. If he is at home all day then he should be doing far more.

Have you looked for different jobs?
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Old 11th June 2015, 09:06 AM   #3
ralfgarnett
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Re: Resentment

I basically agree with Chosen, but my first step would be to sit down with your husband and tell him truthfully how you feel about everything and tell him the areas that you want to see changes, honesty and communication are the initial key factors here no need to invest in counselling just yet, I honestly believe that if my wife had sat down with me and done this then we would still be together, good luck, keep posting and let us know how you get on.
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Old 12th June 2015, 01:13 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Resentment

Sounds like he is giving his all to his career and other things and you come second. Priorities obviously need to change and you need a good talk together. If he is earning a lot sometimes and then not so much at other times couldn't this be spread out to become a more even income?
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Old 12th June 2015, 04:29 PM   #5
ralfgarnett
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Re: Resentment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Sounds like he is giving his all to his career and other things and you come second. Priorities obviously need to change and you need a good talk together. If he is earning a lot sometimes and then not so much at other times couldn't this be spread out to become a more even income?
Hi Raymond I'm self employed too and it doesn't quite work as simply as this, yes you make hay while the sun shines but it is a very uncertain career path and you never know how much your going to make each month.
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Old 12th June 2015, 05:05 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Resentment

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Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
Hi Raymond I'm self employed too and it doesn't quite work as simply as this, yes you make hay while the sun shines but it is a very uncertain career path and you never know how much your going to make each month.

As is my husband, but you can plan money wisely and spread it out. So in a good month you put some away for the lean months.
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Old 12th June 2015, 07:33 PM   #7
ralfgarnett
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Re: Resentment

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
As is my husband, but you can plan money wisely and spread it out. So in a good month you put some away for the lean months.
Yes this is how it works and you keep your head above water.
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Old 13th June 2015, 08:47 AM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Resentment

That's what I meant.
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Old 13th June 2015, 10:59 AM   #9
ralfgarnett
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Re: Resentment

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Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
That's what I meant.
However there is one flaw in this idea, being self employed you have no gaurunteed income, yes you kind of know what you should make but it doesn't always work out that way, I used to love being self employed now I don't like it one bit and I would go as far as saying that I regret ever doing it, I have been succesfull and gained a good reputation but now it's a very lonely way to earn a living, my wife used to involve herself with certain aspects of the business but now of course plays no part whatsoever.
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Old 13th June 2015, 02:05 PM   #10
chosen
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Re: Resentment

Quote:
Originally Posted by ralfgarnett View Post
However there is one flaw in this idea, being self employed you have no gaurunteed income, yes you kind of know what you should make but it doesn't always work out that way, I used to love being self employed now I don't like it one bit and I would go as far as saying that I regret ever doing it, I have been succesfull and gained a good reputation but now it's a very lonely way to earn a living, my wife used to involve herself with certain aspects of the business but now of course plays no part whatsoever.
yes and you dont get sick pay or holiday pay either. Its different for my husband, because some of his work does involve working on site(often at hospitals)so he does mix with others and get out and about. We also have to trust God for income because we have had 6 bed years after 1 excellent year. Thank God He came through just in time, and the present work looks as if it may last for some time, in fact we are praying about whether we should be moving there as its a fair distance, and he does stay the night at least once a week there.
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Old 14th June 2015, 10:34 AM   #11
ralfgarnett
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Re: Resentment

Quote:
Originally Posted by chosen View Post
yes and you dont get sick pay or holiday pay either. Its different for my husband, because some of his work does involve working on site(often at hospitals)so he does mix with others and get out and about. We also have to trust God for income because we have had 6 bed years after 1 excellent year. Thank God He came through just in time, and the present work looks as if it may last for some time, in fact we are praying about whether we should be moving there as its a fair distance, and he does stay the night at least once a week there.
Hi Chosen one of the plus points of self employment is that you are your own master of your own destiny, in these uncertain economic times the chances of making one's self redundant are slim, although there have been times over the past 11 months where I have thought that if I were working for me then I would of fired me many times.
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Old 12th September 2015, 12:41 PM   #12
melly997
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Re: Resentment

JJeanne here's an alternate spin on things. If your husband isn't pulling his weight at home then why are you picking up the slack? Maybe don't do the dishes & let them pile up for a few days, leave the laundry or only wash your things. If he takes time out for himself then you do the same. Eventually your husband may get the point. If not, then by all means talk to him.
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