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Old 16th September 2007, 12:07 AM   #1
Meilynne
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Rekindle Love

I am asking for prayer..My husband and I have always been there for each other for the past 15 years and well we were just struck with a situation that I know not what to do.
A month ago my husband told me that he has felt that we had gone from husband and wife to just friends and though he cares deeply for me he feels his love for me has failled. I ask for prayers mainly for him, he said these feeling began soon after he returned from the war in Iraq and does not know why he feels this way, he has fought with himself over his feeling and says he does not want a divorse but can not say he loves me when he despises himself and what he is doing to me and our children. He has on bad days become emotionally void and will spend hours playing an online game to escape his inner turmoil. I pray for him daily he is currently on a subatical of sorts and is driving across country just to think and talk with God he will be gone for one more week and says when he comes home we will talk and find a way to get through this. If I were to pray for anything for myself it is just strength. I love him so but know that this is something I can not fix for him. I pray God will be able to help him know what it is that is causing this and that God will help us both to be strong not to give up. When he come home I pray God will guild us and give us the strength to do what we need to do to mend what is wrong and that we will come through this with a stronger more loving marriage. Thank you for your prayers
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Old 18th September 2007, 05:54 PM   #2
jcb
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I will be praying for you guys.

First of all let me say, my marriage isn't great, but is has lasted 6 years and we are working/fighting everyday to make it a great marriage.

I too had problems after coming home from the war and I too escaped to online video games. I didn't feel I loved my wife and I was unhappy with myself and things that I had done.

The only thing that fixed me was prayer. And it even took a christian man that I respect encourage me that I am complete in Christ and that I don't have to carry around guilt of past sins. I got involved in a christian men's bible study and that helped alot.
I love my wife, and through the years I even understand her and her needs better. Our marriage is 100% better but still not great.
We are working on it every day.

Best of luck to you guys,
I will put you guys on my prayer list.
Stay with it and keep the faith. Both of you.
Later,
John
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Old 3rd November 2008, 06:05 AM   #3
zebedee
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Re: Rekindle Love

buy him a copy of the book "the love dare". buy yourself a copy too! I'm just about done with it. I'm in a similar situation as you, although it's flipped. My wife is the one telling me her feelings are gone. She feels guilty and is not sure she wants to work on it or not. She's read the first couple of days in the book.

It really is a wonderful book and serves as a wonderful guide for couples. If your husband is willing to to do it; it will change your marriage. I say that because having completed it myself, I feel so much closer to the Lord; and I love my wife in ways I didn't know were possible. It's beautiful, yet that much more painful; as she cannot/ willnot return my love for her. But then, that's what true "unconditional" love is (Jesus style); it's my willingness to love her even if it's not returned.

The book covers some great concepts. First off, you cannot make him love you. He needs to "choose" to do so. The good news is that he can if he wants to. But he has to try. If he is willing to try, then he can put his committment into it, and his heart is bound to follow. Our Lord designed for us to lead our hearts, not to follow them. And it's really a beautiful thing; when you see the blueprint for marriage.

He designed it so that we will selflessly love each other, choosing to meet each other's needs, even if it isn't reciprocated. If both spouses are will to love in this manner, then love will never fade as you're constantly leading your hearts toward the other; and your needs will always be met.

The Lord is wonderful I'll keep you in prayer. Please read my thread as well, and pray for my wife. Thanks.
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Old 3rd November 2008, 06:06 AM   #4
zebedee
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Re: Rekindle Love

sorry, i noticed this is over a year old. I pray everything is working itself out.
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Old 3rd November 2008, 02:13 PM   #5
Raymond
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Re: Rekindle Love

Good stuff nevertheless Zebedee.

Raymond
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Old 18th November 2008, 08:21 AM   #6
1aokgal
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Re: Rekindle Love

Mellyne...

I doubt this has little to do with the marriage or you and any deficit in your relationship. It sounds to me as if your husband is walking through the valley of death where the soul is threatened and he is in danger of causing himself harm.

It seems to me he is suffering the deep pangs of post traumatic stress disorder and is in a frightening depression that he feels nothing and cannot raise himself out of this. I urge you to look out after him and take this as an indication he needs to be seen by a good therapist or veteran program. He may need medication to see him through this time.

Your man has pictures in his mind and things he cannot forget and has chosen to go deep inside himself to protect his own sanity. In so doing he loses the ability to feel or think things through as he normally would. If ever there was a time to love your man ..it is now. His wounds are bleeding but you cannot see them. He is a statistic of the chaos brave men are forced to bring away and internalize for all their lives.

A man who feels this way needs some kindness, cookies and laughter and some packed picnic baskets by a lake or sea. Get him away and let him see there is life to be hugged tight. I am fearful for your mans' safety and there are many vets who don't make it through this after shock of such violence.

Your prayers are needed and perhaps you can put his name on a prayer list and let him know this. It may lift his spirit. Keep watch and hope that this passes. It is not your marriage in danger.....it is his soul which is burdened. I am so sorry for men who return and find themselves forever changed. I hope your man has come through this time and is doing better today. There will be thousands who return home who will walk the same steps.

Last edited by 1aokgal; 18th November 2008 at 08:29 AM.
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