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Old 22nd November 2015, 03:35 PM   #1
showgirl
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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He doesn't want me to go to school!

my husband and I have been together for 10 years (living together) and married for the last three. After a 20 year break from school, I am finally in my last month of the completion of my Bachelors Degree. It took me three years to complete it while continuing to work my salaried management job, and during this time my husband was incredibly unsupportive. Often, he would dismiss my education as unnecessary as I have a good career now and refer it my studies as "garbage". In addition, he would angrily complain about how I never spent time with him. To be fair, I have spent time with him during my schooling but I have felt that because I am not able to do so when it is convenient for him, he becomes even more unsupportive and at times angry. Nonetheless, as I said I will graduate next month and he has even refused to take time away from work to travel to and attend my graduation.
Finally, I would now like to attend Grad school and I haven't dared bring up the subject because of his opinion of my dreams. (In fact, when I said that I was graduating soon, he said "Good you are finally done with this crap. If this nonsense were going to go on, I would divorce you.") When I have previously discussed how I fee for him not supporting my ambitions and dreams, he has said that he cannot support something so ridiculous as it is the same as it would be to ask me to support his dream of working on an oil rig in the middle of the ocean where he wouldn't see me for a year (if indeed that were his dream--he was using this extreme example in comparison of me attending my online classes). In any event, I want to continue my education as. A Masters Degree is my dream but am not sure what to do or if I am in the wrong (I don't feel like I am). What should I do or say here?? I want to keep the harmony but not necessarily at the expense of my dreams. I'm becoming somewhat agitated by his seemingly needy and controlling behavior. Please advise.
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Old 22nd November 2015, 09:47 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Re: He doesn't want me to go to school!

OH dear he is very unsupportive isnt he, but it maybe be that he feels jealous(has he a degree?) or insecure that you may be more qualified than him or cleverer than him. That does make some men feel unhappy and threatened as many feel that they want to be the wage earner and look after their family. If you are working full time and studying as well, its very likely that you didnt have much time together and that can make the marriage suffer and the one who isnt studying feel abandoned.

My personal opinion is that you shouldnt go on to further study at this time .You have done the degree(a few years presumably) and now may be the time to work at the marriage? Maybe you can go back to it in a few years if you still want to? Why is it SO vital that you get a masters? Would you put that above your marriage?

Do you have children or are you intending to have them?
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Old 24th November 2015, 06:51 PM   #3
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: He doesn't want me to go to school!

I have a friend who complains to me that his Singaporian wife is obsessed with study and bettering herself. When she get a degree she wants something else. He has a good job and it almost seems like she is studying for the sake of it. She had a poor upbringing but is taking full advantage of all the education here.

I don't think there is anything wrong in studying but one has to work out whether they are doing it just for the sake of it at the expense of marriage and family. My sons wife studied to be a doctor and he had to do a lot of the shopping housework etc. as well as caring for the children. It balanced out in the end as she work three days a week and he four and she seems far more interested in her family now.
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