Hi all,
I'm a 26 year old female who has been married under a year. Mr. Bella is different than most of the other guys I dated - I guess you could say he's more stable than they are. He has a good job and wants a family. He doesn't do drugs or drink excessively. He's always treated me with respect. All of these are reasons I wanted to marry him. But the sex was also a bit toned down, compared to other relationships. Not in frequency (at least before we were married) but in intensity. Like it wasn't the marathon sex I would have with some other boyfriends, but it was still fun. It was never a problem, because we both seemed satisfied.
Before we got married, we had sex all the time, it seemed like. At least 5x a week, whenever we were together (we didn't live together before marriage).
We had to be apart for almost a year for various reasons, but stuck it out and continued on our way. Then we got married and moved in together. The first few months were difficult but we figured it out and now are doing fine in terms of working as a team - but I feel like that's all we are.
We have sex like once a month, tops. Sometimes once every few months. Coming from 5x week when we were together before, it was quite a shock. Obviously it made me wonder if it was me - but I've actually lost about 10 pounds, though I wasn't overweight before. I don't look sickly thin or anything either. I work out, take care of myself, etc. So it's not my appearance. And I don't think it's someone else, as Mr. Bella moved 1,000+ miles away just to be with me and marry me.
The obvious answer is to talk to him about it, but that's the thing - I DID. And nothing has changed. I told him I didn't understand why things have slowed down so much and he said he just felt like we've had an adjustment period and that he's never been a super sexual person anyway. Which is not really the impression I'd gotten from him for the past two years we were together.
And before, he would be excited about role play or other sexual things that he would want me to do but he never brings those things up anymore. I tried to bring it up to see if it would help spark things, but he acted like he wasn't even interested anymore.
I really don't understand. If it wasn't the fact that I know where he is all the time, I would think he's cheating. But I don't. All in all, Mr. Bella is a rather trustworthy guy. And I say this as a girl who's had experience dating quite a few dirtbags
The only thing that's "changed" is that I did tell him about a trauma from my past a few months before we were married, because I thought he had the right to know, because it affects the way I feel about having kids. I was raped as a child, so it just makes me hesitant about the whole childbearing process. I want kids, just not immediately, which I wanted Mr. Bella to understand. He said he understood and that was the end of it, but... idk. Really, ever since then it's like he doesn't want anything to do with me.
Did telling him that disgust him? Why did he marry me if he finds me disgusting? I'm so sad... it's not like it was my fault and I was just trying to be honest so he would understand about me wanting to wait a year or two before kids. Maybe I never should have told him.
All I know is I'm not happy. I'm really unhappy, actually. If he really just doesn't want to ever have sex with me again, I suppose we just get divorced? Is there a such thing as sex therapy? What exactly does that entail?
I don't even know. I don't think we need couples therapy, as we get along perfectly in every other aspect - we're a great team, really. Just... not sexually. Not anymore.
What do you guys think? I'm just tired of being sad.