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Old 24th March 2016, 01:06 PM   #16
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

Thanks again. This is very hard .She's trying to get me to just agree to walking away. I love her very deeply and wanted to be a father...I've messed up but I desire to be better.
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Old 24th March 2016, 02:23 PM   #17
Raymond
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Re: I really messed up...need help

Although you cannot force her you do not need to agree to that. That has to be her decision not yours.
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Old 24th March 2016, 04:01 PM   #18
chosen
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Re: I really messed up...need help

You arent the one walking away are you, she is. Dont agree to something that you know is wrong. Pray and get others to pray and fight for the marriage. She needs to know that divorce is wrong and you are not willing to give up without a fight.
What are the divorce laws like there?
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Old 24th March 2016, 04:28 PM   #19
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

@chosen As far as I know the laws are pretty much, if you want a divorce you can have it. The state recognizes no-fault divorce. She's asking me to be amicable and making it seem like she's done all she can do and I never tried and I'm only fighting now because I don't want to face the reality of my failures. Nothing I say is reaching her. She's completely shut off.
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Old 24th March 2016, 05:43 PM   #20
Raymond
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Re: I really messed up...need help

Sounds like she has given up but that doesn't mean you have. Obviously you need to pray and also act lovingly but I think you also need a good fellowship to help you commit the whole thing to God. Whilst there is time there is hope. Prayer does change things but you cannot manipulate with it.
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Old 24th March 2016, 09:08 PM   #21
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

She said that I was stressing her by refusing to do what she wants and I don't want to cause her more stress especially with her pregnancy. So I agreed to meet her and divide up the money and debts. I hope that my cooperation shows her that I'm really trying. She was adamant that she doesn't owe me anything and this is what she needs. Please keep us in prayer for marriage restoration.
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Old 24th March 2016, 10:06 PM   #22
chosen
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Re: I really messed up...need help

I honestly dont think that allowing her to pressure you into agreeing to a divorce that you dont want and that God doesnt want is the right course of action. There is no way that I would agree to a divorce in those circumstances especially with a child on the way. I would do all I could to delay it and get others to pray that she will come to her senses.
IF you really dont want to fight, them at least get legal advise before you agree to anything, and make sure that you get regular access to you child as part of the divorce agreement.
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Old 25th March 2016, 12:56 PM   #23
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

I'm so over the place. I thought I was doing right by her and the baby by agreeing to meeting her and discussing those things. I thought about it and informed her that I'm not comfortable with having that discussion. I'm praying for a miracle. I want to save this marriage. God has brought us back together so many times. I'm praying for his mercy!
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Old 25th March 2016, 01:10 PM   #24
chosen
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Re: I really messed up...need help

How about you write her a letter or email telling her what is on your heart. Surely she must know that she has no biblical reason for the divorce? Tell her that you dont want the marriage to end, that its not what God would want, that you will not enable the the divorce, and that you are going to pray for restoration for the childs sake if nothing else. That child needs a full time father not an occasional one. Ask her to come to marriage counselling with you.
Get into a good church and ask them for their support. maybe go and talk to the pastor, and ask Him to pray for the marriage as well.
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Old 25th March 2016, 11:19 PM   #25
Raymond
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Re: I really messed up...need help

I agree but also see that the past needs to be healed. Anything you can achieve towards that by loving behaviour would be desirable.
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Old 28th March 2016, 01:00 PM   #26
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

Hi everyone, I hope to continue receiving your feedback although it's been a while. I met my wife yesterday and she's definitely filing for divorce. She's trying to do this the best way possible and I'm beginning to accept the fact that our marriage is over. Thinking back over our year and a half together we argued just about everyday about everything imaginable. She's tired and it's taken its toll. On top of that, I said something that she feels is unforgivable. If she can't forgive then she can't stay married and I understand. I've been praying so much but God works on his time and not mine and I think he's telling me that it's over. I'm becoming more peaceful about the divorce although I'm in immense pain..I don't know what to do and I'm so confused...I did express to her that I'm still in love and I want to try and make it work but she says she's done all she can do.
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Old 28th March 2016, 07:26 PM   #27
chosen
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Re: I really messed up...need help

She is responsible for her decision but she has no biblical reason to end the marriage and because of that isnt really allowed to remarry. Also forgiving isnt a choice, God tells us that we must do it. Please go and see a legal advisor so that you know what you are entitled to, and to make sure that you get joint custody with your child. Personally I would still not go along with it, its not what God wants but you seem to go along with her wishes.
Have you both tried any marriage counselling? It just seems so wrong that she is giving up so easily after such a short time, and with no real effort to get any outside help. If we all did that, no one would be married.

Is there a local pastor who would see you both to talk about the Biblical aspects and long term consequences of her decision?
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Old 28th March 2016, 07:42 PM   #28
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

We've seen a pre-martial counselor and didn't get nothing out of it. We also saw 2 separate counselors after we were married and never stuck to seeing them regularly. The first time we were in counseling she decided to leave me after just the 2nd appointment and we never went back. I started counseling on my own while she was gone and she even joined in a few sessions... shortly after that we were able to reconcile. I've been trying to get in and see the pastor at the church I've been going to but that's not working out because his schedule but I'm trying to be patient. I do feel somewhat bullied because she's so adamant. She told me that she compares what I said to her the same as me having an affair and it's just something she can not get over. We argued so so so so much while married and I can understand that adding to her pain. I don't want divorce at all but I don't want to make it harder on her all the while her being pregnant too...its soo hard...I cried allot today.
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Old 29th March 2016, 01:05 PM   #29
Raymond
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Re: I really messed up...need help

This bad thing that you did, I assume you have repented and apologised to her. If you reconciled what guarantee does she have that it will not happen again? It seems to have hurt her so much. I think if you can get to the roots of that and the reason for it she might find it in herself to forgive. As she grows in faith forgiveness would be something we all strive for.
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Old 29th March 2016, 01:32 PM   #30
mcsjr2
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Re: I really messed up...need help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
This bad thing that you did, I assume you have repented and apologised to her. If you reconciled what guarantee does she have that it will not happen again? It seems to have hurt her so much. I think if you can get to the roots of that and the reason for it she might find it in herself to forgive. As she grows in faith forgiveness would be something we all strive for.
When we finally had a chance to sit down face to face I made sure that I gave her the proper apology and I tried to ensure her that I didn't mean it and it will never happen again. I guess she doesn't have much reassurance because of the promises I wasn't able to keep in the past. I'm struggling with understanding why her anger is soo intense and the rush she feels to get a divorce. She makes sure everything she talks to me she says we are getting a divorce. She even speaks of me as past tense.
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