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Old 11th June 2013, 01:30 PM   #1
hopeful
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Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

Hi all

My story is the same as many other people here. We were together about 7 years, married for 5. We had a lot of personal problems in the alst 4 years. He had a car accident, couldnt work for a while. My job is very high pressured and long hours and I dotn like the people I work with. My dad had an accident and I had to go to another country to look after him for a while. In Nov last year we both decided taking a break and see how it goes.
Since then we had a couple of councelling sessions but we both felt he wasnt ready to talk about things and he was angry ( for not having children by the age of 30) when I was the sole earner of our household and we lived in a small flat.
so we have only been in touch via email about practical matters and now I live somewhere else on my own and he is sharig flat with a friend.
I am not ready to get divorce, I think he is going through early midlife crises and ( career and lack of family- he never had a good family so he wants a family and his career hasnt taken off) so now what I like to know is other people experince. Has anyone got their partner back out of the blue, what is the best way to approach them..

And please dont send me he doesnt deserve you.... he is a great man and I do still love him. I just like to know the statics and advice.
A good friend of mine actually just experienced this, his partner left and after 6 months suddenly returned and they are dating for over 7 months now and are in a better position than before. So it is posibble.
I have used this time to learn alot about myself. Travelled and done something I always wanted to do and got a new job which make me a lot happier. But I miss him every day and minute. He is on my mind when I sleep and wake up. I want us to give it another chance just dont know how to approach him if he is not ready.

Last edited by hopeful; 11th June 2013 at 02:48 PM.
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Old 16th June 2013, 11:24 PM   #2
chosen
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

I dont think anything is going to happen until both of you are prepared to get together, get some good marriage counselling and work on the marriage.
You say that you think he may be having an early midlife crisis??? How old is he, early 30's?He is still very young.
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Old 18th June 2013, 05:25 PM   #3
StillHoping
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

It is possible, the first time my H left me for OW he came back to me after 8 months. This time he's left and it's only been two months. I'm still feeling hopeful, even though he's asked me for a divorce. I'm clinging on to the fact that this has happened before and hopefully God will want us together again.
Earlier this month, he went to see a solicitor. I asked him to delay it for a month because I needed to finish my college course. He said he wouldn't as he'd already made an appt to see the solicitor. In Monday night I rang up the prayer line at UCB and the person on the end of the phone prayed with me. On Wednesday he came round to tell me he's delayed the divorce for another month. I thank God for that
I think he's going through a MLC as well. There was no real reason for him leaving apart from him saying we've grown apart and there's nothing left here for him anymore.
Since about December last year, he started hanging out with his friends more, whereas before he was happy to just be at home. He always seems to have new clothes when I see him, even though he's not got a job and living in a flat on his own.
If he really wants the D, then I'd rather him delay it at least for another 2 years. I still haven't got my head round the fact that he's just upped and left me, it's only been 2 months! I still love him and if there's any chance of R, then I'll jump at the chance!
It's been going round and round my head the reasons I think he's left. I've made some changes in my life and understand where I may have gone wrong in my marriage. I want to prove to him that I can be a loving wife and we can have a loving relationship that's 100 times better than it has been.
I agree with Hopeful, I don't want negative answers as well. The Christian way is marriage is sacred and should be protected at all costs.
My H lost his faith this year, but he went to Church a couple of times before he left. Recently though, he came into Church after the service and last week he helped out at the Church fete. I'm hoping this is a good sign that he's regaining his faith, small steps are better than none at all.
I also think he's gone through a lot this year and he's depressed. He does suffer from depression, but he won't get counselling for it or take any meds.
I'm trying to let go and let God at the mo. I'm also trying hard to be patient, but now I feel time is running out for me.
I'm trying to give him his space, which is hard as he's always ringing me if I don't ring him. I like to think this is a good sign, but only time will tell. If he's determined to go through the D, then I obviously know that he's only getting in touch with me as a friend.
I feel he's rushing the D and will regret it when we are D. It won't make him as happy as he thinks it will.
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Old 18th June 2013, 05:55 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

God will always want His children to have a good marriage. However we do not always appropriate what is God's best for us and He allows us freewill.

I am a bit shocked that he went with another woman for 8 months but I won't be negative as requested.

It does seem a bit onesided at the moment you being the one willing to work at it and pray about it. There are no guarantees but God will be working in his life if you are praying. Whether he responds or not is again freewill.

This can be a positive time of analysing where you might have gone wrong so long as it doesn't lead to self condemnation which would not be profitable for you. He is the one who has deserted not you. Make sure you do not grovel as that would be unbecoming for you. Look to God as you are doing and He is sure to take you through and bring you into the victory on the other side.

If you find that he has gone with another woman again then it would probably be right to end it unless you see sincere repentance of any adultery.
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Old 18th June 2013, 06:17 PM   #5
StillHoping
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
God will always want His children to have a good marriage. However we do not always appropriate what is God's best for us and He allows us freewill.

I am a bit shocked that he went with another woman for 8 months but I won't be negative as requested.

It does seem a bit onesided at the moment you being the one willing to work at it and pray about it. There are no guarantees but God will be working in his life if you are praying. Whether he responds or not is again freewill.

This can be a positive time of analysing where you might have gone wrong so long as it doesn't lead to self condemnation which would not be profitable for you. He is the one who has deserted not you. Make sure you do not grovel as that would be unbecoming for you. Look to God as you are doing and He is sure to take you through and bring you into the victory on the other side.

If you find that he has gone with another woman again then it would probably be right to end it unless you see sincere repentance of any adultery.
Thanks for your reply Raymond. As far as I know there is no OW. I've not been grovelling to him recently, in fact since he said he's going for divorce I've barely contacted him. I am getting on with my life, getting out with friends and going to college. Last time he asked me to take him back, he said he thought he was going through a male menopause. This time I think it's either MLC or depression. He has suffered with depression for a long time and brought me down with him. Now I'm the one on tablets and getting counseling and hoping that one day he'll come to realise that he needs help.
I realise that we all have free will, but I'm asked God to be with him and to show him that being with his family is the best way forward. I know that God can't force my H to do anything, but he can steer him in the right direction.
I read recently that the devil is always looking for ways to break up the family, so I've also asked God to protect my H from evil.
The UCB prayerline prayed that our family will be protected from hurt and heartache and that we can find a way to become a happy family again. After the prayer, I felt such peace and realised that God is in my heart at this time.
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Old 18th June 2013, 07:38 PM   #6
chosen
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

[QUOTE=StillHoping;75369]It is possible, the first time my H left me for OW he came back to me after 8 months. This time he's left and it's only been two months. I'm still feeling hopeful, even though he's asked me for a divorce. I'm clinging on to the fact that this has happened before and hopefully God will want us together again.
Earlier this month, he went to see a solicitor. I asked him to delay it for a month because I needed to finish my college course. He said he wouldn't as he'd already made an appt to see the solicitor. In Monday night I rang up the prayer line at UCB and the person on the end of the phone prayed with me. On Wednesday he came round to tell me he's delayed the divorce for another month. I thank God for that
I think he's going through a MLC as well. There was no real reason for him leaving apart from him saying we've grown apart and there's nothing left here for him anymore.
Since about December last year, he started hanging out with his friends more, whereas before he was happy to just be at home. He always seems to have new clothes when I see him, even though he's not got a job and living in a flat on his own.
If he really wants the D, then I'd rather him delay it at least for another 2 years. I still haven't got my head round the fact that he's just upped and left me, it's only been 2 months! I still love him and if there's any chance of R, then I'll jump at the chance!
It's been going round and round my head the reasons I think he's left. I've made some changes in my life and understand where I may have gone wrong in my marriage. I want to prove to him that I can be a loving wife and we can have a loving relationship that's 100 times better than it has been.
I agree with Hopeful, I don't want negative answers as well. The Christian way is marriage is sacred and should be protected at all costs.
My H lost his faith this year, but he went to Church a couple of times before he left. Recently though, he came into Church after the service and last week he helped out at the Church fete. I'm hoping this is a good sign that he's regaining his faith, small steps are better than none at all.
I also think he's gone through a lot this year and he's depressed. He does suffer from depression, but he won't get counselling for it or take any meds.
I'm trying to let go and let God at the mo. I'm also trying hard to be patient, but now I feel time is running out for me.
I'm trying to give him his space, which is hard as he's always ringing me if I don't ring him. I like to think this is a good sign, but only time will tell. If he's determined to go through the D, then I obviously know that he's only getting in touch with me as a friend.
I feel he's rushing the D and will regret it when we are D. It won't make him as happy as he thinks it will.[/QUOTE

No it isn't the Christian way to have a marriage at all costs. If there is repeated adultery, especially if there is little repentance, or abuse, the marriage is better off over, and that is why God Himself allows divorce for specific things. Of course God wants faithful and good marriages, and for us to act with integrity and good morals, but we all have free will and if one spouse chooses to go aginst God and act badly, then he will not force anyone to do the right thing.
We all seem to forget the seriousness of adultery, and that at one time on the OT times, the law was that people do did this were stoned to death for it.
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Old 18th June 2013, 08:00 PM   #7
StillHoping
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

Chosen, my H has not left me this time for an OW, he was just fed up with the marriage and wanted to be on his own. A good Christian always forgives other people and I have already forgiven my H for all that he has done. If he finds his faith again, which I'm sure he will, then he will no doubt ask our Lord to forgive him. Your post seems full of hatred in this horrid time that I am going through. I came on a Christian forum hoping for other non judgemental Christians that can support me and pray with me in my hour of need. Even if he doesn't want a reconciliation, I would like a bit more time to get used to the idea of being on my own before I go through divorce. That's all I'm asking at the moment. I need time to fully accept that I may be going to be on my own. Start to make new single friends and make a new life for myself by setting up my own business.
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Old 18th June 2013, 08:46 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

I fully see your point SH. Divorce is a terrible wrench and of course you need time to adjust to such a massive thing. I think you have got it just about right. Believing for the best but being ready for the worst. You are doing well to be getting on with your life but still praying for a good outcome. There are no guarantees of course, unless you have a word from God regarding reconcilement. A release could turn out to be a blessing in disguise in the long run, although you cannot see that just now. I say that because of his seemingly lack of commitment to the marriage, which would have to change for the marriage to be saved.
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Old 18th June 2013, 09:13 PM   #9
chosen
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

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Originally Posted by StillHoping View Post
Chosen, my H has not left me this time for an OW, he was just fed up with the marriage and wanted to be on his own. A good Christian always forgives other people and I have already forgiven my H for all that he has done. If he finds his faith again, which I'm sure he will, then he will no doubt ask our Lord to forgive him. Your post seems full of hatred in this horrid time that I am going through. I came on a Christian forum hoping for other non judgemental Christians that can support me and pray with me in my hour of need. Even if he doesn't want a reconciliation, I would like a bit more time to get used to the idea of being on my own before I go through divorce. That's all I'm asking at the moment. I need time to fully accept that I may be going to be on my own. Start to make new single friends and make a new life for myself by setting up my own business.
Goodness me, not hatred or judging(where did you get that from?),but realism and the understanding that some will always act badly and that marriages will and do end because of it.
I know that its not easy to be alone, I did it myself for 6 years with three children, but sadly sometimes marriages do end because of one spouses choices and behaviour. I have seen this happen time and time again.
Forgiveness is what we are told to do, yes, but that does not always mean there will be, or can be, reconciliation. Sometimes, in some circumstances, reconciliation is not possible. Sometimes it is, IF the offending spouse is repentant and prepared to do all they can to make it work.
I hope that your husband does come back to God, often people appear to loose their faith when they are acting against Gods instructions, as if they are trying to run away from His correction(as if).

As Raymond says, hope and pray for the best, but also prepare for the worst.
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Old 18th June 2013, 09:48 PM   #10
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

Thanks for the posts Maybe I was too harsh by saying it was full of hatred and judgemental, I'm sorry for that. I suppose it's because I'm very stressed out at the moment. I've got so much going on in my life at the moment and I really do not need to go through a divorce at this present time. I go to college 4 days a week and I've only got Friday morning to do what I need to do before getting home before my son gets home. I've not yet had chance to sort out the council tax or my other benefits yet. Friday morning is normally spent doing a weekly shop. My son has special needs and it is a lot easier to do my shopping on a Friday. I haven't really got time either to spend hours sorting out my benefits and will have even less time when I've got to sort out this divorce as well. At the moment, all I can ask God to do is to help delay this divorce until I am ready to accept it.
I also planned to start my own business in July as I will then be qualified and start another course in September. The way things are looking at the moment, I don't think I'll be able to start another course or start my own business. I want to come off benefits eventually and earn enough to keep our heads above water. Reconciliation for me or a delayed divorce will make both our lives easier, if only H can see that. I just want our little family back together and working as a team. There will be changes I know, but a lot of positive changes too. I feel confident that if H gets over his MLC/depression/lack of faith then we will all be happy once again! He just needs to realise that marriage can be worked at and I'm hoping that maybe God can let him see this through his dreams or thoughts. He will still have free will, it is up to him then if only God can show him the truth. Like I said the way I see it, he's rushing into the divorce without really thinking about the consequences. The way my H has planned this divorce, it'll be done and dusted within 6 months and then we can move on with our lives. He seems to think it is not a huge deal getting divorced, it's just like taking a bath! Has he got a shock coming to him!
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Old 18th June 2013, 10:17 PM   #11
chosen
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

What reason does he give for the divorce? Has anyone from your church been to talk to him?
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Old 18th June 2013, 10:42 PM   #12
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Re: Has anyone got their partner back after 6 months break

He just said that we've grown apart and it's not going to work anymore. No-one from the Church has been to talk to him, although he is doing work for someone who is a spiritual guide at the Church which is positive I also see her for life coaching/counselling and she is very good! She can see why I want to R, but she also wants to protect my interests as well. She is not on either of our sides, she talks to us completely confidential and doesn't impart any information to either of us.
At the moment I don't think that H is in the right frame of mind to listen to anything positive at the moment. He's deep in his depression so he's always looking for the negative in everything. He said on Sunday that a certain Vicar in our Parish didn't speak to him. I said I don't think he spoke to anyone apart from our vicar and that he's a funny old stick. You see he used to be a treasurer at another Church. Things turned a bit heated and nasty for him. He thinks now that all the clergy have turned against him, when in fact they were the ones who stuck up for him! Our last Church was going deeper in debt and they blamed my H for this! Our vicar had recently retired, so the Church was in interregnum. Things got out of hand as the person that took over temporarily is a bit of a wimp and won't say boo to a goose! The Vicar we had said it how it was and she would never hear a bad word said about anyone! She really helped H in lots of ways and when he got into panic attacks, she would be straight round to talk to him and he would feel better enough to carry on.
After the incident in January, H got into a deep depression and stopped going to Church. He said if that's how Christians behave, he doesn't want to know! I started going to our local Church which is within walking distance to us and settled in there. I did go back to the other Church one time for a Lent Lunch, but I wasn't made to feel very welcome. Me and my son sat on a separate table because there was no room on the other table and I felt like an outcast! No-one came over to talk to us and when we left, the person who was serving the lunches has a right go at them! She backed up my story and apologised on their behalf saying that not everyone was like that at the Church. I was relieved as I'd felt that I was being over sensitive and paranoid.
Anyway, sorry for rabbiting on, I think I'll stop there
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