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Old 4th May 2016, 04:52 PM   #1
trinity
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 13
Lone holiday

I need your opinion on something. Is it ever acceptable for a spouse to go on holiday alone?
Our story is that we emigrated nearly two years ago, and one of my husbands close friends is getting married this year. Its too expensive for us all to go. He wants to go for one week. He also has a son, and he would get to spend some time with him too.His son is coming over next year for a month.
He asked for my opinion. I said that I wont and cant stop him from going, but I dont want him to go. We always said we would travel back together as a family for the first time.
I need to know if I am being selfish and unreasonable by not wanting him to go. Its our 5th wedding anniversary days before he travels, and we were planning to do something special. He is really excited about his trip, but I feel resentful. I will be at home looking after my son while he is away. I also feel slightly embarassed as my mum, siblings and friends will see that he is away without me. We run a business too which involves clients coming to our home. I know that I am going to be bombarded with questions and comments from everybody. I know its not about what other people think, but I do feel like that. I dont know, its silly but I feel like he is behaving like a single man. All his friends are begging him to come over, and most of them are single, and want him to go out etc.
I would appreciate your advice please. Thanks
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Old 4th May 2016, 05:04 PM   #2
chosen
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Re: Lone holiday

if at ALL possible then go with him.
My husband did go to OZ for 2 weeks without me a few years ago when his mum was very ill (they thought she was dying but she lived another 8 months), but that was a bit different and I had no wish to go all that way again.
In your case when it a wedding and holiday, and you would be able to see your family presumably as well, isnt there some way that you could get or borrow the money? Presumably you would stay with family so its only the flights.
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Old 4th May 2016, 05:22 PM   #3
trinity
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Re: Lone holiday

Its too short notice, especially business wise. We dont have enough money to pay £700 for each for our tickets. Yes I could borrow it, but its not a good enough reason for me to get into debt. The original plan was to go next year when we hit the big 50. Plus my son starts his new secondary school in September. I dont want him to go abroad in August as it may unsettle him. Next year works out better for the whole family. The change of plan was announced this week. Prior to that he said that he wasnt going.
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Old 4th May 2016, 06:25 PM   #4
Raymond
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Re: Lone holiday

The date hinges on his close friends wedding which I wouldn't have thought could be put off to suit next year. It makes sense to me that he goes alone because of the cost, the business and your sons schooling as you have described. I think it is wise to give your blessing to it and not let him go with any kind of resentment. I had to go to Tunisia for a week which I knew was right and my wife did as well. I think personally you ought to avoid any sense of him being chained if he is doing it in good faith as that could breed resentment later on.
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Old 5th May 2016, 12:55 AM   #5
trinity
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Re: Lone holiday

I wish it was that easy. Resentment can breed if one goes back on an agreement when it suits them. Sometimes people only know what hurt feels like when the same thing happens to them. I wont stop him from going, but I dont like it!!
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Old 5th May 2016, 08:49 AM   #6
Raymond
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Re: Lone holiday

Hasn't this just happened on it's own? He wouldn't have planned his close friends wedding and it is also an opportunity to visit his son. I know you agreed that you would go there together when you first went but from my perspective it seems as if it is just something that has happened but I don't know what is going on his his head. Maybe he is in good faith but only you would know that. It would be a shame to make a contention of it if it is in good faith.
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Old 5th May 2016, 02:17 PM   #7
trinity
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Re: Lone holiday

He was told about the wedding in February. I dont think he is doing it in bad faith at all. I thinks its more a case of him taking an opportunity, and that he is caught up in the excitement of it all. He has freedom within our marriage, and has been on weekends away with his friends etc, but this time he is flying half way across the world. I really will try and cope with it, as I wouldnt like him to travel with any bad feelings.
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Old 5th May 2016, 05:53 PM   #8
Raymond
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Re: Lone holiday

I think that is quite wise. Being happy for him seems a good response in the situation, although I know you find it difficult. It is natural not wanting him to go but as far as I can see it does seem legitimate. Hopefully he will go and come back before you know it.
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Old 6th May 2016, 01:39 AM   #9
trinity
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Re: Lone holiday

My son has lots of activities, so I will be busy, but the evenings and nights will be the hardest. Mind you, it will be the summer holidays, so we can do lots of things together.
Thanks for all your advice. You are very calm and balanced. I needed that.
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Old 6th May 2016, 09:50 AM   #10
Raymond
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Re: Lone holiday

Yeah. Plan that week to do lots of things and hopefully you will just fall into bed and sleep. God bless.
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