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Old 13th March 2007, 03:30 AM   #376
Barmace
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by Raymond View Post
Glad you are appearing to get somewhere Lovey. Porn is a real problem in the days we live in. As a christian I look on it as mental or visual adultery. Jesus says that if we look at a woman to lust after her we commit adultery in our hearts. It might feel good to start with but after a while something else kicks in and we are on a downward slide. There is a spirit behind it that will seek to chain the man and break the marriage. We owe our prime love to our wives including sexually, the bible says we should cherish and understand her.

I don't think there is any place for masturbation or porn in marriage. With the masturbation it might be okay if it's a shared thing together I think, but not sole. I've recently read 'Sex....God's Truth by Jill Southern. She says that the spirit behind masturbation doesn't want intercourse. I think she is right. Some say it's alright if you are thinking of your wife but why do that when you can share sex with her?

Well that's my pennyworth anyway.

Raymond

Well said I am about 2 1/2 years not Masterbating and looking at porn. But tonight I almost turned back to it.

Here the deal I could not stop and I joined a men's ministry 2 1/2 years ago and took a 12 week course based on a book called

At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry, by Steve Gallagher

it helped alot! but my wife, who I have been married for 15 years. Has been very sick. It has been two weeks since we been intimate and I have been struggling for the last few days. Porn is all around us. Face it! it is everywhere from the girl dress who is revielling to the commercials that come on. We do find time to have to have sex at least 1 time a week, It seems like it is not enough, i do long for more. I think that if I were an alcoholic it might be easier because I can just not go to the bar but with a sexual addiction it is all around you. Very hard not to look. I can handle it pretty good but tonight it has been very difficult. I really want to have sex but she is still recoving from a stomach flu, viral flu. There is more like at times our itimacy sometimes is like she says "lets get this over with so I can sleep." but that is for another time

I wanted to tell you that it is still tough and wanted to know how to really be free of my addiction. I have attacks that are so tough. I would like to get to a point that if I never had sex again it would not bother me. I know if my wife died I would go back to porn. I really like sex. well I just wanted to write and thank you because I have not so my record of 2 1/2 years is intact so that is a victory...

a few things I wanted to share with you about the book. one thing that the book opened my eyes to is Masterbating is very selfish and I find that I am very selfish and that is something that I really need help with.

another is that once you start it is like a hunger you need more and it needs to be more tantalizing. The hunger is never satisfied.

another talks about how it is a disease that can warp your sense of reality

lastly talks about how completely destructive this addiction is to everyone around you like dropping a bomb in the center of a village it hits everyone. I like what God said to David (paraphrase) what you did in secret I will show to the world.

I have been a christian since I was 13 amazingly I found masterbating around the same time IRONIC isn't it. I am 40 now so you can do the math. ALONG HABIT. I do pray that God takes this thorn from my flesh but he has not chosen to do so, so I continue to run the race trying to lay a side the sin that so easily entagles me and fixing my eyes on Jesus. again a paraphrase from Hebrews 12:1 I feel better thanks for listening. I am going to bed. nighty night.
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Old 15th March 2007, 01:10 AM   #377
Elizabeth
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Well, just found this forum, thankfully.

Don't really know how I am feeling. I have been married exactly 6 months and it is turning ugly. My husband has been masturbating to porn many times a week I am finding out. Of course, lying about it when I confront him. I've walked in on him twice in one morning masturbating to porn.

I feel like a prude. When we got together, I should have read the signs. He spoke of having group sex with previous partners. I have found photos of him having sex with previous partners.

I don't know why this is hurting me so much. I discovered watching porn in the past when I was younger with another past long-term relationship. But it was never a must and we were usually embarrased by it.

But now, it has turned. I don't agree with what my husband is doing. He goes thru a bottle of KY probably every month. What the hell am I suppose to do?!

Freaked OUT!
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Old 20th March 2007, 12:12 AM   #378
MPM
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Hi Elizabeth, I'm sorry to hear that this is making you feel so terrible.

Previously to you catching him masturbating were you happy with your sex life? He might just have a high sex drive and might think his personal level is not reasonable. It's possible his masturbation has no bearing on how he feels about you so it wouldn't necessarily mean that he prefers looking at porn to you.

The situation might be easily be resolved with a chat. Then you could explain how his masturbating to porn in secret makes you feel and he could tell you why he enjoys it.
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Old 20th March 2007, 04:11 AM   #379
Tinkerbelle
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Hi Everyone,

I have read almost everyone's post on Masturbation,Porn and Marriage.
I know how some women feel in the issues with porn and masturbation, it has become a norm in this time and age. Men feel justified at looking at other women naked, doing sexual acts or just being in a sexual position(they could even have there clothes on) because the world says it's ok.
Sex and Masturbation are two different things, I have to disagree with everyone who say this because they are two of the same things.
Both require stimulation, intimacy, giving of ones self and the final result. Getting off.

I'm going to explain how different they can be when only one is being used and how it can hurt when both are being used at the same time.
I am contradicting myself here, you say so but not so. I said "WHEN ONLY ONE IS BEING USED".
First I will start off with Sex, it requires two people. It is a give and take situation. Sex can be the most enjoyable act between two human beings because they are "both" expressing there attraction and love for one another. I would call it "making love", whether it be rough, or soft love.
Once the session is over, both partners feel appreciated, attractive, and loved by thee other. Making both partners happy and have a willingness to give more of themselves to the one that they love.

Second I will explain masturbation. Masturbation requires "TWO" people as well, thee person doing the act and the imaginative image of another person.Which leads us to porn...the person stimulating themselves will need a picture of another person to help them get off. The person they are imagining is "super sexy body, beautiful face, butt or boobs that are perfect, and attractive all around." The person doing the act, will imagine this person and doing all kinds of things to them in there mind.Which of course will get them off.
How does this make thee other mate feel, your partner, your love.
Yes, it will bring up insecurities, jealousy, and even a feeling of pulling away. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you like it if your partner was imagining of doing acts with another person who you could never be, no matter how much you tried.

I say this out of experience. It started innocent, everyone said that it was normal...especially when your pregnant. It didn't feel innocent to me.
Here I am 4 years down the road, 2 beautiful children but to make the second child...we needed to watch porn everytime we had sex because it had become an addiction for him.(Bringing Sex and Masturbation"porn" together..a lethal effect on a relationship)you ask why I let it happen, because I loved the man beside me and everyone said it was "normal".
Now, he can't even have sex with me...he's become so use to the use of his hand and porn that it's the only way he can get off.
We've tried therapy but it's no use, our relationship is in shatters and we stay together for our children. I still love this man but I'm sadden because I could have stopped it before it was to late. I listened to other's because they said it was "normal".

All I have to say is be careful, porn and masturbation are not normal in a relationship. It can hurt the person you love and it can hurt you.
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Old 20th March 2007, 05:45 AM   #380
markus
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Elizabeth .. your husband has more than a sex addiction and that wont ever change - he'll never compromise
do yourself a favour and exit the relationship ... you can do better than sharing your life with a swinger
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Old 29th May 2007, 07:18 PM   #381
vanessa
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Hello

I am a returning member of the site. It has been nearly two years since I first posted here ( http://www.2-in-2-1.co.uk/forums/sho...&page=15&pp=15 ) Then with various moves etc, I didn't post for a while. Not much has changed in my situation with regards this issue, except that it remains largely in the open, with my partner informing me when/ if he has used porn. Although this might sound like a good way to deal with the issue, it actually isn't. I feel that the openness benefits him more than it does me: he gets to have a clear conscience and feel that he is not a liar. I get the same self-hatred and unhappiness again and again. I think I should actually ask him to lie. Why should he get the comfort of redemption by telling me and making me feel like crap? I think he should have to suffer the discomfort of being a liar, and it is my plan to ask him to do this next time the issue comes up (it crops up every couple of months or so).

Additionally since I last posted, I have lost about 11kg, but I don't find this has helped my situation with regards to this issue (I wasn't actually so naiive to belive that it would cause him to stop. But I had hoped it would make me feel better about myself) yet I still find that my self image is completely decimated whenever it comes up again. We talk and then it passes by again, but I feel he doesn't know that -for me -it is actually ongoing for weeks and months beyond the point where we have discussed a particular "episode" as it were. While I think he is sympathetic, I don't think he really has a clue as to how much I carry it about afterwards, or for how long I think about it on a daily basis. It does chisel away at how much I love him.

Um. Is anyone still posting here, or am I p*****g in the wind?

Greetings to all, I hope some of you are finding some solutions.

V
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Old 29th May 2007, 09:01 PM   #382
nik1h
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

As a man, I masturbated before I met my wife, most....all men do when single. When I met her I stopped because I find love making much more satisfying, but when it became clear my sex drive was higher than hers she was fine with me 'topping up' on self gratification or indeed offering a 'hand' saying that was better than looking elsewhere.

It's down to mutual respect. Had she had the same sex drive as me or requested I not do it then I would't have.
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Old 30th May 2007, 05:37 AM   #383
vanessa
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Masturbation is not an issue for me -my partner and I have similar sex drives, and it doesn't bother me if he masturbates from time to time. It's the porn I cannot deal with.
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Old 8th June 2007, 03:39 PM   #384
Kadee
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Here's food for thought? What if you hid porn, or made 900 calls, or went to the bar and flirted with men??? Would he be jealous? Would he better understand your feelings on the issue? And when he tells you he's okay with it and wants to share this with you....you tell him your only aroused doing it secretively.
Do you think he would still understand???? I don't know a man alive that would. That fact is they can justify their actions with a cocka mainy story of their needs but when it gets right down to it.....what goes around, doesn't come around and whats good for the gander will never be good for the geese!
Stand your ground, because after your married it doesn't change! If you can't resolve the issue now, expect it to still be a problem later.
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Old 25th June 2007, 02:32 PM   #385
chrissi
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Hi, I am 6 months pregnant and my husband wont go near me in bed as he says he is scared if harming the baby. I think its more to do with me being fat at the moment. then i find hes been looking at teen porn on the internet. when i asked him about he denied it all to start with and said i am being paranoid, even thogh the evidence was there in front of him! he then admitted it and said all men look at it. also 2 weeks before this he went out to the pub, when he wasnt home by 2am i called him to check he was ok and his phone was switched off. i called his friend who said he'd left the pub alone at 11pm. he sent me a text message at 6am to say he was on his way.
he told me he'd been on his way home and seen a friend and gone to his house and fell asleep and his battery on phone was flat, but he'd managed to call a cab with it!
am i right to still feel so angry with him still? my heads all over the place at the moment, and i just dont trust him anymore.
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Old 25th June 2007, 10:10 PM   #386
freecloud
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Chrissi,

What a rotten thing to do to you! I hope you're going to confront him with this, but then I understand if you don't bother. After awhile, the lies are hard to take.

It sounds like your guy has some major growing up to do!
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Old 25th June 2007, 10:40 PM   #387
Raymond
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,409
Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Keep confronting Chrissi. It doesn't have to be militant. It can be gentle but persistent. You have to let him know how you feel. I've said this before many times and I will keep saying it. No all men do not do it. That is an affront to millions of men who see the danger in it and the destructive force it unleashes on the intimacy between couples. It is mental adultery and will affect intimacy in a very real way. I see that as clear as crystal and have learnt that over the years.

The fact that he lies about it shows that deep down he knows it is wrong.

Raymond
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Old 12th July 2007, 04:31 PM   #388
Jaded
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Why can't you join in with him, I would love it if my husband enjoyed watching porn!
As for Masturbation there are always times when you just feel like it, I don't think it has to mean something all the time.
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Old 12th July 2007, 05:55 PM   #389
Raymond
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

Goes to show you don't know what men are made of. Play with fire and you get burned. It does take away from sexual intimacy in the end.

Raymond
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Old 27th December 2007, 09:29 PM   #390
Alice Alice
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Re: masturbation, porn and marriage

there are women who are into porn and masturbating too not just men so the question i'm asking is why do people "need to have porn in there life when they are with a partner?"
i looked into porn i did alot of research meaning i spent hours looking at porn ALOT of porn soft porn and hard core porn and what i have noticed is.... it sucks me into that world very fast, before i know it i'm in deep looking and serching for more its like something being dangled in front of my face that i want but can't get to it...endless
yes my body gets turned on but my mind is aware of the emptyness the emotionless feeling
women are treated like objects men are treated like animals
is porn sexy art that has been taken over by pigs?

my husband has left me for porn
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